mani81 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I've only been dating my gf for 4 months now. She's 23 and I 28. On one of our very first dates she talked about being a former Ford model, posing in Italian Vogue, doing runway etc... and that she had used a stage name so her parents wouldn't know she was modeling. We see each other every day and have progressed quickly in our relationship to the point where we've recently began using "I love you's" even. I've inquired just a couple times since we've gone out about her secret name and each time was rebuffed. My reasoning for asking recently was that if we're going to be a couple and on an "I love you" level I would think we're at a level of trust to where we can share things like old model names. Regarding her model persona - she has said she's never told anyone or any other bf what it is. She has said that "she doesn't look like she did back then (she must have put on a little weight since then) and that it makes her sad to look back at those old pictures." Then another time she said, "Well... what if you don't think I look good in the pictures..?" And her last excuse has been, "Well, it's nice to have a secret just for myself. You know how people keep a journal? Well, they don't show that to anyone. I think it's like that." To which I was like, "Uhh... I don't think it's really the same, lol..." I would imagine if she would have done such high-profile modeling (when I asked her about her highest payout for modeling she says she made 17k one weekend on some job) she would be proud to show her pics off to her bf. She's shown me high school pictures that I'm sure were more awkward than her modeling pics, so I don't really buy her excuse that "it's because you might not like the photos." When I told her, "I guess you don't trust me enough yet to tell me about it,' she replies with, "It has nothing to do with trust." I asked if she would ever tell even her husband about her alter-ego and she said, "Umm... maybe..." She says she used to have a bunch of magazines with her work in them but a former college roommate accidentally recycled them. I think back in the day around the time she was doing the modeling she also worked as a bartender at a coyote ugly-type place. She says if she tells me the name I could google-image it and see pics of her. I asked if she didn't want to tell me the name because the pics might be sleazy or scandalous or porn or w/e. She said they aren't. Anyone I've asked about this has thought it very odd. My sister and I have both done modeling and we don't understand. My gf won't even show me one of her comp cards (like a business card for models) which is a totally typical and benign thing. Someone has told me they think she did porn or something. Another has told me they think she never even modeled. That she might have done some test shots but nothing major and that she told me she was a model to impress me when we first met, and not she's stuck in a lie in a way... Being honest and translucent with a partner you love is important to me so this kind of bugs me. But we are relatively new at only 4 months, so maybe I'll just hold off a bit and ask her about it later on in a few more months..? because I don't want to nag about it and she should tell me when she feels comfortable to do so. Any thoughts?
CarrieT Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Red flag - red flag - red flag! My gut reaction is that she never really DID do any modeling and has made up the whole thing. She's not going to give you a fake name because it is a persona that does not exist (hence, NO photos or magazines?) Women are proud of accomplishments like that and the story that those magazines have been recycled is bogus. I've got every scrap of newspaper or magazine where my artwork has been referenced. She's lying about something.
Vertex Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 "Another has told me they think she never even modeled. That she might have done some test shots but nothing major and that she told me she was a model to impress me when we first met, and not she's stuck in a lie in a way..." This was my initial reaction.
EYECANDY000 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I think you already hit it on the head. Either she is lying or has done porn. Either way she's being deceitful. Why are you going to wait a few months to bring it up again? Do you have that much time to waste with someone who isn't being honest with you? If she is saying she likes to keep her secrets to herself do you wonder what else she is keeping from you?
Malenfant Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 total lie about the modelling. either she never did, or she did the 'other' type of modelling. Why would a person hide it from their parents if they were a successful runway model? makes no sense. you've caught her in a lie and now she's making more and more to cover it up.
Vertex Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Most people are generally very willing to show their modeling pics. Seems awfully convenient that all evidence has otherwise been recycled.
meerkat stew Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Would wait a couple more months and let it drop til then. Most relationships are not 100% open books, even despite platitudes people spout about having no secrets. However, consciously keeping "half secrets" or telling half truths or lies doesn't fall under a reasonable privacy boundary, especially when two people are saying ILYs and building trust is important. IME, every time a woman has spoken "secret keeping" words in the way your GF did, there have been larger issues of general honesty about other things as well. Be mindful of her general honesty level, and if she happens to have a history of an eating disorder and talking this way, get ready for a roller coaster of lies. In fact I'd ask her point blank about the eating disorder, and strongly consider ending the relationship if she had a diagnosed case of bulimia that has presented at all within the last several years. Watch her eating habits also.
Lindarose84 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 She's lying about having been a model. Simple as that. If I were a model, even though I'd be modest about it, I'd still at least share a few pictures with my bf. If not that, then at least show your comp card- those things are harmless. Like someone else said, either she's lying about being a model or she did porn.
Alexz Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 She's lying about having been a model. Simple as that. If I were a model, even though I'd be modest about it, I'd still at least share a few pictures with my bf. If not that, then at least show your comp card- those things are harmless. Like someone else said, either she's lying about being a model or she did porn. You might be right, but it might be a hasty conclusion/assumption. Remember, everyone is a bit different. I like to have personal space to myself and I fully respect other people's personal space. Maybe she might be a bit embarrassed. Maybe she might lying, who knows? I'd rest the topic at hand for a little while, and maybe come back to it when there's a deeper trust in the relationship. As you say, it is quite a new relationship.
Barky Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I don't agree with the prior posts. Everyone has secrets. There are things you'll never know about her and things she'll never know about you. If she wants to keep some silly "modeling" name to herself then who cares? Leave it alone.
CarrieT Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I don't agree with the prior posts. Everyone has secrets. There are things you'll never know about her and things she'll never know about you. If she wants to keep some silly "modeling" name to herself then who cares? Leave it alone. But all the other things lead to a great deception; why no pictures, why no card, why lie to her parents for something that most girls would be proud of?
threebyfate Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 The only possibilities beyond lying, are eating disorders and body dysmorph. If she suffers from both or either one of these issues, she might not want to be reminded of that period of her life. But then, if she wasn't proud of her previous career, why mention it in the first place, if it's not something she's willing to be open about?
Author mani81 Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 I don't agree with the prior posts. Everyone has secrets. There are things you'll never know about her and things she'll never know about you. If she wants to keep some silly "modeling" name to herself then who cares? Leave it alone. Yeah, but if these pictures are so public as to supposedly be on google. And this is a big part of her life that I don't understand why she would want to keep secret. And if she wanted it to be such a secret why did she bring it up with me in the first place?
Author mani81 Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 The only possibilities beyond lying, are eating disorders and body dysmorph. If she suffers from both or either one of these issues, she might not want to be reminded of that period of her life. But then, if she wasn't proud of her previous career, why mention it in the first place, if it's not something she's willing to be open about? Well, when she speaks about it she seems very proud. And the thing is, that last time we spoke about it, it was her that initially brought it up. She sent me a playful flirt text about "I'm gonna hurt you" or something and then I responded with, "I think you need to pass a background check! :)" to which she said, "I did pass one under my alter-ego model name." Then I was like, "So when are you gonna tell me that name..?" And then she got upset for me asking about it
Author mani81 Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 Would wait a couple more months and let it drop til then. Most relationships are not 100% open books, even despite platitudes people spout about having no secrets. However, consciously keeping "half secrets" or telling half truths or lies doesn't fall under a reasonable privacy boundary, especially when two people are saying ILYs and building trust is important. IME, every time a woman has spoken "secret keeping" words in the way your GF did, there have been larger issues of general honesty about other things as well. Be mindful of her general honesty level, and if she happens to have a history of an eating disorder and talking this way, get ready for a roller coaster of lies. In fact I'd ask her point blank about the eating disorder, and strongly consider ending the relationship if she had a diagnosed case of bulimia that has presented at all within the last several years. Watch her eating habits also. Also remember - you've helped me in my other threads I started about her "Play fighting with guy friends and not thinking it was a big deal" and the "lying about having an ex as a friend on facebook" thread... So there have been some weird things going on...
You'reasian Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I've only been dating my gf for 4 months now. She's 23 and I 28. On one of our very first dates she talked about being a former Ford model, posing in Italian Vogue, doing runway etc... and that she had used a stage name so her parents wouldn't know she was modeling. We see each other every day and have progressed quickly in our relationship to the point where we've recently began using "I love you's" even. I've inquired just a couple times since we've gone out about her secret name and each time was rebuffed. My reasoning for asking recently was that if we're going to be a couple and on an "I love you" level I would think we're at a level of trust to where we can share things like old model names. Regarding her model persona - she has said she's never told anyone or any other bf what it is. She has said that "she doesn't look like she did back then (she must have put on a little weight since then) and that it makes her sad to look back at those old pictures." Then another time she said, "Well... what if you don't think I look good in the pictures..?" And her last excuse has been, "Well, it's nice to have a secret just for myself. You know how people keep a journal? Well, they don't show that to anyone. I think it's like that." To which I was like, "Uhh... I don't think it's really the same, lol..." I would imagine if she would have done such high-profile modeling (when I asked her about her highest payout for modeling she says she made 17k one weekend on some job) she would be proud to show her pics off to her bf. She's shown me high school pictures that I'm sure were more awkward than her modeling pics, so I don't really buy her excuse that "it's because you might not like the photos." When I told her, "I guess you don't trust me enough yet to tell me about it,' she replies with, "It has nothing to do with trust." I asked if she would ever tell even her husband about her alter-ego and she said, "Umm... maybe..." She says she used to have a bunch of magazines with her work in them but a former college roommate accidentally recycled them. I think back in the day around the time she was doing the modeling she also worked as a bartender at a coyote ugly-type place. She says if she tells me the name I could google-image it and see pics of her. I asked if she didn't want to tell me the name because the pics might be sleazy or scandalous or porn or w/e. She said they aren't. Anyone I've asked about this has thought it very odd. My sister and I have both done modeling and we don't understand. My gf won't even show me one of her comp cards (like a business card for models) which is a totally typical and benign thing. Someone has told me they think she did porn or something. Another has told me they think she never even modeled. That she might have done some test shots but nothing major and that she told me she was a model to impress me when we first met, and not she's stuck in a lie in a way... Being honest and translucent with a partner you love is important to me so this kind of bugs me. But we are relatively new at only 4 months, so maybe I'll just hold off a bit and ask her about it later on in a few more months..? because I don't want to nag about it and she should tell me when she feels comfortable to do so. Any thoughts? Wouldn't sweat it. Keep it in your back pocket - but what's important is how the two of you get along. Maybe she'll tell you in time?
Author mani81 Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 The only possibilities beyond lying, are eating disorders and body dysmorph. If she suffers from both or either one of these issues, she might not want to be reminded of that period of her life. Could be. She says her sister did modeling, and that my gf's family members would tell my gf things like, "Why don't you look like your sister?" and other harsh stuff.
Star Gazer Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Another +1 for that she either never modeled, or she did porn-like modeling.
DustySaltus Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Let's just use simple logic: She said she modeled for "Italian vogue". Wouldn't that require travel to Italy? Wouldn't her parents know if she went to Italy? Unless she was ULTRA secretive about it. But then again wouldn't her parents be happy for her if she was following her dreams? How did she get into modeling? Sounds like she may have been doing something that her parents wouldn't approve of OR did nothing at all. I'm leaning towards the first of the two. Regardless, we can't control our past but we can learn from it. When you say I love you to someone you want them to share everything with you. If she thinks the truth would screw up that love then it was never that strong to begin with. Her actions and her words tell different stories. I would proceed with caution. It definetly seems weird. The questipn is, what are you going to do about it?
Author mani81 Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 Wouldn't sweat it. Keep it in your back pocket - but what's important is how the two of you get along. Maybe she'll tell you in time? Yeah... aside from the stuff I've talked about, she's been the best girlfriend I've ever had. Very selfless, attentive, caring... We always get along great and like doing the same things. Every time we've had a disagreement we've been able to come to good resolutions.
threebyfate Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Well, when she speaks about it she seems very proud. And the thing is, that last time we spoke about it, it was her that initially brought it up. She sent me a playful flirt text about "I'm gonna hurt you" or something and then I responded with, "I think you need to pass a background check! :)" to which she said, "I did pass one under my alter-ego model name." Then I was like, "So when are you gonna tell me that name..?" And then she got upset for me asking about it Could be. She says her sister did modeling, and that my gf's family members would tell my gf things like, "Why don't you look like your sister?" and other harsh stuff.Then it's possible she did some modeling but not to the level that she claims to have done. Take a look at her and decide. If she's claimed to have done the catwalk, she needs to be at least 5'8" and that's quite short for a catwalk model. Also, most of the first tier models have high cheekbones and large eyes.
Author mani81 Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 Let's just use simple logic: She said she modeled for "Italian vogue". Wouldn't that require travel to Italy? Wouldn't her parents know if she went to Italy? Unless she was ULTRA secretive about it. But then again wouldn't her parents be happy for her if she was following her dreams? How did she get into modeling? Sounds like she may have been doing something that her parents wouldn't approve of OR did nothing at all. I'm leaning towards the first of the two. Regardless, we can't control our past but we can learn from it. When you say I love you to someone you want them to share everything with you. If she thinks the truth would screw up that love then it was never that strong to begin with. Her actions and her words tell different stories. I would proceed with caution. It definetly seems weird. The questipn is, what are you going to do about it? She says that in Italy she was traveling there with her parents and she snuck out one night to work a shoot. Now, considering she was 17 or 18 at the time.. it sounds crazy. And, yeah, I've thought of all the ramifications - "how and when was this set up/ such convenient timing/ how were tax records ever done?? - lots of 'what ifs' I didn't press her too much about it for intricate details. But that is such an intricate story to conjure up to just keep a lie flowing... I don't know what to think. I did jokingly tell her I would have to go on ebay and buy up all the issues of Italian Vogue from 2003-2004 to try and find her. To which she said, "You better not! ... Anyways, you wouldn't be able to recognize me.."
DustySaltus Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 She says that in Italy she was traveling there with her parents and she snuck out one night to work a shoot. Now, considering she was 17 or 18 at the time.. it sounds crazy. And, yeah, I've thought of all the ramifications - "how and when was this set up/ such convenient timing/ how were tax records ever done?? - lots of 'what ifs' I didn't press her too much about it for intricate details. But that is such an intricate story to conjure up to just keep a lie flowing... I don't know what to think. I did jokingly tell her I would have to go on ebay and buy up all the issues of Italian Vogue from 2003-2004 to try and find her. To which she said, "You better not! ... Anyways, you wouldn't be able to recognize me.." This is the catch 22. If you sit her down and say that you don't care whether or not she modeled but you just want her to be honest about she'll think that you don't trust her. If you don't ask, it will continue to rattle around in your head. I'm starting to think that she didn't model at all. LOL @ "tax records"...you've really dug deep.
Hot Carl Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 It's contradictory and alarming that on the one hand it's something she's so proud of that she wants to tell you about it, but on the other she doesn't want you to actually see it. If it was just modeling, then what's the big deal? Clearly it's not just modeling. So now you have to wonder, what is it? Maybe it's something you care about. Another problem is that you don't know how much of the rest of her life is also fiction. Secrets like this are such BS. My ex had things about her past that she never could tell me about. It was one of the various barriers that she had up that made me feel never completely trusted or part of her life.
Author mani81 Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 Then it's possible she did some modeling but not to the level that she claims to have done. Take a look at her and decide. If she's claimed to have done the catwalk, she needs to be at least 5'8" and that's quite short for a catwalk model. Also, most of the first tier models have high cheekbones and large eyes. She is tall enough for NY runway and does have pronounced cheekbones and very big eyes. I know she won a local pageant at the age of 14 but that's all I know of actual modeling she's done.
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