tigressA Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I know:(. My friends think I should be considering companionship over chemistry because I've been single for so long. I'll stay single for the rest of my life before I'll settle. If you're happy with where you are right now, with being single, then your friends shouldn't be harping on you about finding a man. They don't sound like the greatest of friends to me, if you've told them how you see things and they still argue for you to settle. I can understand you feeling bad in regard to the guy--I think a lot of people feel that way when rejecting someone. It'll pass.
neowulf Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Honestly, it's your life. They're entitled to an opinion, but that's all it is. An opinion. You're the one who has to live day in, day out with the person you decide to build a life. There *are* worse things than being single I'm with you. I'd rather be single with the hope of finding love, than in a relationship with the wrong person feeling miserable.
threebyfate Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 D, rejection is no fun for either you or the person experiencing it. If he's a decent and mature enough guy, he'll be civil to you and when he gets over it, can potentially be friendly.
alphamale Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I ran into a group of guys I went to high school with last night and I was chatting with them- the guy they want me to go out with came over and just stood beside me, not saying anything, just acting rather possessive, sipping his beer and looking a little peeved. run, don't walk
Meaplus3 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Alright, I am going to get this over with and call him now so I don't stress about it all afternoon.... Good luck sweetie. Mea:)
pandagirl Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Better guys with mutil-coloured dogs I hear! Well, I made the call, it was awkward. After I told him- just silence on the other end. I feel really bad. D, you feel bad because you are a sweet, compassionate person! You did the right thing though. It would've been worse to lead him on. As for you friends, I'm sure they have good intentions, but they should just butt our of your love life. You know what you want, and this guy is not it.
Author D-Lish Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 wow,,that was quick...better you than me, D-lish! I think you are a sweetheart....but there was really nothing else you could have done. Yeah, I just gathered the encouragement I needed from here, and while the momentum was on- I just called. He had text me this morning wanting to arrange the date and I was avoiding answering him. I realized it wasn't cool to leave him hanging. I had to nap after because I was on high stress worrying about it all day! lol. I think this guy would have backed off after I said no the first time, but I am sure he was getting needled to pusue it from the other side. I'm a bit annoyed at my friend. She told me that I am adamant that I want a stable, healthy relationship, yet I keep blowing off those very people that would provide me with that life. She seems to think I am being unrealistic to want both a good guy, and great chemistry. I pointed out that she seems to have both right now... Her response? "Yeah, but you're 10 years older than me"... I guess that means that being 40, I am supposed to give up. She's pushed this whole "date my boyfriend's friend" on me in the past. But it blew up in her face when her bf broke up with her and she wanted me to stop seeing the friend. I reminded her of that too.
pandagirl Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 She's pushed this whole "date my boyfriend's friend" on me in the past. But it blew up in her face when her bf broke up with her and she wanted me to stop seeing the friend. I reminded her of that too. What the... Your friend sounds high maintenance, D!
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 I'm a bit annoyed at my friend. She told me that I am adamant that I want a stable, healthy relationship, yet I keep blowing off those very people that would provide me with that life. She seems to think I am being unrealistic to want both a good guy, and great chemistry. I pointed out that she seems to have both right now... Her response? "Yeah, but you're 10 years older than me"... I guess that means that being 40, I am supposed to give up. I can't help but wonder if your friend read "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough".
Author D-Lish Posted February 22, 2010 Author Posted February 22, 2010 D, you feel bad because you are a sweet, compassionate person! You did the right thing though. It would've been worse to lead him on. As for you friends, I'm sure they have good intentions, but they should just butt our of your love life. You know what you want, and this guy is not it. You're right PG- I need to stop feeling bad about it. The guy they want me to date is also 8 years younger than me. This same friend has always been judgemental with me dating younger guys. I really think this is about "them". If they can hook up their close friends, they won't feel so guilty with their own PDA. I got angry one night when she invited me for dinner and she informed me her guy was coming out - when he got there, I became invisible to both of them. I just sat there while they were wrapped around one another. They are like magnets when they get in the same room together and I've told her it's annoying. But you know what? I want that kind of chemistry too. I can't help but feel a little jealous to be honest. Maybe she is picking up on that and is scrambling to make up for it by pushing romance on me. But I am a big girl, I am happy for her despite feeling a little envious.
threebyfate Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 Settling, means you don't think your SO is the cat's meow. He doesn't have to be the perfect man, just someone who you're attracted to, physically, emotionally and intellectually. Someone you can love, trust, respect and like.
Author D-Lish Posted February 22, 2010 Author Posted February 22, 2010 What the... Your friend sounds high maintenance, D! Yes PG- she is def high maintenance! Sometimes I don't mind, and sometimes I get frustrated. She has good qualities too of course.
sagetalk Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 D-Lish, never date a guy you aren't into no matter what other people say. It's not fair to the guy or you. As for your friend not settling, well, that's debatable. That does not sound like a healthy relationship to me, it sounds childish. It's annoying to hang around couples that treat other people like crap and just focus on each other. That is for when you are alone with each other, not out with other people.
Author D-Lish Posted February 22, 2010 Author Posted February 22, 2010 D-Lish, never date a guy you aren't into no matter what other people say. It's not fair to the guy or you. As for your friend not settling, well, that's debatable. That does not sound like a healthy relationship to me, it sounds childish. It's annoying to hang around couples that treat other people like crap and just focus on each other. That is for when you are alone with each other, not out with other people. I don't think they are treating others badly- I think they are just head over heels for each other and since it is so new, they are going overboard. It is a little high-school for sure, the way they are acting- but they are genuinely happy to have found one another. In her last relationship, her bf was flat, emotionless, judgemental and controlling. To see her light up like this with someone is great. I think because they are so on top of the world, they want everyone to feel what they feel. I totally do want to feel that way someday- but it's not going to happen with the guy they have chosen for me:o
Gold Pile Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 You are 10 years older and at least 10 times hotter and smarter than your GF. When a guy gets a hot girl like you to go out with him (even as just friends) he dreams of getting her into bed (maybe more),... so there was no way he was going to take your call well, especially at age 32. None the less, he needed to know how you feel. Don't make the mistake of seeing/communicating with him again...to ease any pain he feels, that will just prolong the situation. People who don't have chemistry can at best...fall in "comfort" with each other, but not love.
paleblue Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 sounds like you are going to have to tell him again. maybe three or four times before it finally sinks in... but hopefully not. maybe something along these lines??? listen, i like when we can all hang out, but i am just looking for friends right now. regardless of what my friend is trying to do. short and sweet. hopefull you can retain things the way they are. chances are better the sooner you nip this in the butt. i would not go out for drinks with him on the side or get chatty on the phone, texting, or anything until he realizes 100%
blind_otter Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 You could always adopt the "I don't like being set up by people" policy. I started doing that after my divorce. I'm telling you though, trying to talk sense to a newly relationship-ed person is like trying to talk to someone who is extremely drunk. They can't make that much sense, and are slightly annoying to those who are not in a similar mind state. My best friend is currently in this state of new relationship frenzy as well. She says stuff like "{name of new guy} and I always do...this/that/the other". How you can get into a routine in the space of 10 days is beyond me, but I'm all cynical and snarky nowadays. She also made plans to hang out and do something on saturday, got to my house and was here for 10 minutes, got a text from her new beau saying that he had gotten off work early, and left immediately. Yay for friends.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 I think it's insulting that she's treating you as if you have a handicap because of your age. I'm 33, and a good friend of mine who is 39 talks to me about her man problems, as girls do. I would never tell her to settle for any old warm body because she is older! I do advise her to stop chasing jerks and emotionally unavailable men, and I think she is learning. She is talking to this kind of shy, slightly nerdy, but cute and smart guy right now. I just met him the other day, and I am TOTALLY pulling for them. He meets her cute, kinda hipster, and funny requirements, but he seems to be one of the good guys. She would really be a catch for him, and I think he'd be a catch for her, too. Anything less is not worth one's effort or energy.
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