Crykle Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Hi everyone, just her because I'm all alone and need some advice. The short of it is, I've always been kind of a loner. I don't have any friends to go hang out with, and no place to go, I sit in my apartment day after day all by myself and I can't cope. 8 months ago I met a girl and fell deeply in love with her. When I fell in love with her I told her, I asked her that if she wanted out to tell me, just please be honest that's all I want, I don't want to get hurt and neither did she. She promised up until the end that she wanted me for a long time, I believed her, I trusted her, she was my only friend. Then I got a text message a few weeks ago saying she didn't want to be with me, she needed time to herself. I broke down more or less. I didn't bag for her back, instead I wrote her emails expressing how sad I was and how lost I was and I don't know what to anymore. She always replied saying her decision had nothing to do with me and that I'm a great guy and I'll find someone else, and maybe another time in our lives we can try again, or maybe not, who knows. These emails went on for a little over a week. There was no real substance in hers, almost business like. I discovered she's been dating other people right from the break up, she didn't fill me on this, I found out on my own. I sent a nasty email to her a few days ago saying what pathetic loser she is, you burned me and you **** on my ashes. What do i do now? It's over isn't it?
jerrytodd Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Hi everyone, just her because I'm all alone and need some advice. The short of it is, I've always been kind of a loner. I don't have any friends to go hang out with, and no place to go, I sit in my apartment day after day all by myself and I can't cope. 8 months ago I met a girl and fell deeply in love with her. When I fell in love with her I told her, I asked her that if she wanted out to tell me, just please be honest that's all I want, I don't want to get hurt and neither did she. She promised up until the end that she wanted me for a long time, I believed her, I trusted her, she was my only friend. Then I got a text message a few weeks ago saying she didn't want to be with me, she needed time to herself. I broke down more or less. I didn't bag for her back, instead I wrote her emails expressing how sad I was and how lost I was and I don't know what to anymore. She always replied saying her decision had nothing to do with me and that I'm a great guy and I'll find someone else, and maybe another time in our lives we can try again, or maybe not, who knows. These emails went on for a little over a week. There was no real substance in hers, almost business like. I discovered she's been dating other people right from the break up, she didn't fill me on this, I found out on my own. I sent a nasty email to her a few days ago saying what pathetic loser she is, you burned me and you **** on my ashes. What do i do now? It's over isn't it? Sorry about your loss. I would say yes to your question of it being over and my advice for now is, as per every thread here, dont contact her again. The lack of friends and support is not a good thing in any event, and this is coming from something of a loner myself (at least in a past life). After my recent breakup I forced myself to contact old friends who must have been really surprised to hear from me. I am working out a little more too and I am devoting myself to my work a bit more, which is a useful distraction. Can I also suggest going on-line if you havent already to find someone (female) to connect with. Just treat yourself to a drink with a girl as a friend only. Dont set any expectations, dont try to get laid, etc. Anyway that is my advice, I hope things work out for you.
LostInLimbo Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Whats done is done, youv'e said things in the heat of the moment, you can't turn back time, look at it as a lesson learned, not to do it again, go NC and stay that way, you don't know if its over for sure, but treat it like it is and move on, she has..... LiL
Author Crykle Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 i guess i pretty much new, its just hard to kill the emptiness. i just sent her one last emal, i needed to say my peace to her, i hope it wasn't to much or to little. this is what i said.. " hi .. this is more for me and not really intended for you. i can't get you off my mind, it's more than me missing you, it's me feeling like i needed you, you were my only friend. i had no right staying up all night searching for you on the internet, you made your decision and i will have to get over it. i was bothered how you went from "hi baby, i miss you" to "it's over and i can't see you anymore" within 12 hrs, it didn't make any sense. i felt you lost interest in me, but i was crushed you weren't completely honest with me why you wanted out, i knew you were looking for someone else. i honestly believed you were going to be there for me until i got all my **** together and could just be myself again, i couldn't wait to own your ass on the bike trails come summer, i was really looking forward to all of that. i mean c'mon, i'm as low as i can go, if she's still here with me while i'm like this, dam, this girl must really love me, or maybe i was just being selfish. either way, you ****ing spoiled me and i'm going to hurt for a long time. breaking this no contact rule **** isn't helping, do i care? no. but whatever, just know i don't and i can't hate you, that i do believe you have always been sincere with me, that i do believe you didn't want to hurt me, that i do believe you must be going through a little hell of your own with all the **** you've told me about, and that there will always be a piece of you inside me, and that i can't bare to hear from you again knowing you're with someone else. you don't have to care, i wouldn't. but like i said, this is for me. " anyways.. a great site, it's helping a lot knowing it happens to everyone.
jerrytodd Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 OK, now go NC completely. The "you are my only friend" sort of thing is not what she wants to hear my friend. Get some confidence, move on as you can.
Ilovecake Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 every email you send her pushes her away further from you.
Author Crykle Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 OK, now go NC completely. The "you are my only friend" sort of thing is not what she wants to hear my friend. Get some confidence, move on as you can. i know, and i plan on no more contact. i just had to say my peace, i couldn't go out the way i did with the last email i sent. it was really harsh and cutting, to the bone. i cared about her to much to leave it at that. and im full aware it is over, she has moved on and probably didn't even blink at this. it's my turn to move on now. thanks for the help guys, it means a lot.
LostInLimbo Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 every email you send her pushes her away further from you. I agree with ILOVECAKE, it also puts yourself right back to step one, builds her ego and makes you seem desperate, as for the healing process...NC is the best right now, if anything, to heal yourself.... LiL
Author Crykle Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 I agree with ILOVECAKE, it also puts yourself right back to step one, builds her ego and makes you seem desperate, as for the healing process...NC is the best right now, if anything, to heal yourself.... LiL i know. i didn't send that last email in an attempt to win her back or push her away, i just wanted to say my peace and i'm going to leave it at that. reading in another thread, it is her who has relationship issues, not me, she is the victim here, not me. i don't jump from one to another always filling in the void with no thought of what i need. it's all just time to heal now, and one day the girl for me will come my way.
LostInLimbo Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 i know. i didn't send that last email in an attempt to win her back or push her away, i just wanted to say my peace and i'm going to leave it at that. reading in another thread, it is her who has relationship issues, not me, she is the victim here, not me. i don't jump from one to another always filling in the void with no thought of what i need. it's all just time to heal now, and one day the girl for me will come my way. Hi Crykle, that is a perfect way to continue, it will be hard to stick to it, very hard, but you really have to try, especially with what it may lead to, if you don't... If you have a chance, read my Started Threads from when I joined in May of 2009, it will show you as to why I think if you stick to your road to recovery, you will do fine, read what I did, it was all the things one Shouldn't do..needless to say, I am back to being single again, after my ex walked out on me a 4th time..... LiL
Author Crykle Posted February 22, 2010 Author Posted February 22, 2010 after me laying my whiplash tongue on her and my last email to say my peace, she wrote me this this morning. in no way am i going to respond or make another attempt at contact. "Thank you. I just want you to know that I was not and am not looking for someone else. Not sure if you recall me telling you about the time I was in Mexico and I walked into the internet room and saw a guy there looking at the website xxxxxxxx.com..... I was bored one night and signed up to see what sort of people were on there. Curiosity was all it was about. I don't even have a picture up and I don't plan on actually attempting to meet anyone. You don't have to believe me and if I were in your shoes I would be pissed too. I am sorry I hurt you, I really didn't want that to happen. Take care." i am not sure what to think, i just know she won't be hearing from me again.
LostInLimbo Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 Hi Crykle thats the way to be from here on in "Trust Me", as for not wanting to hurt you, that maybe the case, as for not wanting anyone else, take it for what it is, she does, she does, she doesn't she doesn't, no matter what, remember she left you and there is nothing you can do about it, save your dignity and pride, and follow your instincts, your on the right track. If you have a break down, make it SHORT SHORT SHORT....and don't expect that to be the last time she contacts you, if it isn't, keep it short and to the point.. LiL
Author Crykle Posted February 22, 2010 Author Posted February 22, 2010 hey thanks lostinlimbo. you're absolutely right, she left me, it is what it is, i need to stop questioning it and take it for what it is. she cared enough to not want to hurt me, i can appreciate that. will she ever contact me again? i don't think so.
LostInLimbo Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 hey thanks lostinlimbo. you're absolutely right, she left me, it is what it is, i need to stop questioning it and take it for what it is. she cared enough to not want to hurt me, i can appreciate that. will she ever contact me again? i don't think so. You don't expect her to contact you, but do I think she will? good chance she will (thats sometimes the games that are to follow), but just don't use NC to as a way to get her to contact you, NC is for you and as mentioned, it doesn't look like your using NC to get her back, your definetly in the right state of mind, more then yesturday, each day it gets better, just really slow (for me anyways), but you'll get there, as you have read, it will be so hard to keep NC, but here are your choices.. Break NC feel good for a little bit.... Break NC and your right bak to where you were, when you first posted on LC Keep NC....Your on your way to recovery.... LiL LiL
Author Crykle Posted February 22, 2010 Author Posted February 22, 2010 how i know she she won't contact me again is because she has most definitely been looking, chatting and exchanging pictures with another guy via emails. a mutual friend (more hers than mine) has filled me in on this. she doesn't know that i know, and she doesn't need to know that i know. i feel betrayed and lied to. but there is nothing i can do or want to do any more, it's a terrible feeling knowing the person you've gave your complete heart to doesn't feel the same to you any more. but we all know this, that's why we're here. it just takes time :
LostInLimbo Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 I know what your feeling, I have been there, 4 times with the same person who walked out on me, but it was kids that kept me coming back, cause I missed them so much, this time, I do miss them still, no doubt on that, but this time I am putting my feelings first, sounds selfish, but the kids live with there father, so its obvious how interested she was in fighting for them (she didn't) that was a few of our arguements, cause I felt she should have.... LiL
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