kevinconner Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I think we are all a little early to the party. We're in here now talking this over while there are 100x more out there not even able to bridge the idea. I think the conept of marriage has become outdated. Nobody should be expected to enter into a contract and stay put for 50-70 years. There is too much pressure with jobs, expectations, income, travel, caring for elders. There just isn't room for passion. Think about this. When was the last time your spouse said, "...Timmy can fend for himself with finding a ride home from hockey practice. Let's stay in bed and make love for hours." If everyone were in that new relationship pattern mode for too long, nothing would get done around the house. It's almost like marriage today means putting SOMETHING on that back burner and for many, sex is the target. Going out on a limb here, but frankly many women these days don't need men. They can earn substantial incomes, they can buy toys, they can control their own desires as they want. 50 years ago? Maybe not so much. Men were needed to work, bring home an income and that in and of itself created the rule that the man's wishes to be validated in the bedroom went along with the territory. A horrible way to live, but that was then and this is now. Not to threadjack, but I think people need to start using trial separations more and making more effort to create lives that don't trap them in marriage. Be alone for a while. Work on your inner self. Re-adjust to everything that is going around you. And then, make a choice. Either realize what you have or realize what you want and go find it. It's no mystery there is no sex in my marriage. I am just as much to blame as she is. We put it there. I have to fess up to the idea that I can't complain about the lack of sex for the next 30 years. My body will implode before then. If I want to be around for my kids and learn to love my wife as a friend, then I have to take the steps necessary to make that happen. What surprises me the most is how people complain about a lack of sex, and then think by finding another marriage the problem will be solved.
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 I think the conept of marriage has become outdated. Nobody should be expected to enter into a contract and stay put for 50-70 years. There is too much pressure with jobs, expectations, income, travel, caring for elders. There just isn't room for passion. Think about this. When was the last time your spouse said, "...Timmy can fend for himself with finding a ride home from hockey practice. Let's stay in bed and make love for hours." The concept of marriage is far from outdated! The issue with it is the lack of priority. Marriage should often come before child rearing, work, travel, parents, or anything else. Would it be a horrible thing to allow Timmy to fend for himself (once in a while) in the name of bonding with your wife... NO WAY! How is one to expect the passion to remain if you don't do a little something unexpected or even mildly crazy to show your spouse how much they mean to you? I’ll give you an example of a relationship I know that is far from perfect but they always figure it out... he seems to always make sure that she knows how much she means to him. They build excitement and passion when they can. One of the best ways for him to get great sex? To speak her 'love language;' acts of service. Cleaning house when she least expects it - never fails! She brags about her husband’s unexpected 'maid services' on Facebook and others sometimes retort asking "what is he feeling guilty for that he has to do that? I wish my husband would do something like that," etc... No marriage will ever be perfect, but there is no point throwing in the towel no matter how tough it may seem. Especially not once there are kids involved. As Kevinconner pointed out, finding another marriage will NOT solve the problem in the long run! The concept of marriage in modern America is broken, not the actual institution itself. It is fundamentally one of the most rewarding relationships that one will ever experience... The concept of marriage is far from outdated! The issue with it is the lack of priority. Marriage should often come before child rearing, work, travel, parents, or anything else. Would it be a horrible thing to allow Timmy to fend for himself (once in a while) in the name of bonding with your wife... NO WAY! How is one to expect the passion to remain if you don't do a little something unexpected or even mildly crazy to show your spouse how much they mean to you? I'l give you an example of a relationship I know that is far from perfect but they always figure it out... he seems to always make sure that she knows how much she means to him. They build excitement and passion when they can. One of the the best ways for him to get great sex? To speak her 'love language;' acts of service. Cleaning house when she least expects it - never fails! She brags about her husbands unexpected 'maid services' on Facebook and others sometimes retort asking "what is he feeling guilty for that he has to do that? I wish my husband would do something like that," etc... No marriage will ever be perfect, but there is no point throwing in the towel no matter how tough it may seem. Especially not once there are kids involved. As Kevinconner pointed out, finding another marriage will NOT solve the problem in the long run! The concept of marriage in modern America is broken, not the actual institution itself. It is fundamentally one of the most rewarding relationships that one will ever experience, but it takes more time, effort and work than many are willing to invest in our 'instant gratification' society...
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 Sex is fun, an intense opportunity to bond and spend time together. Why people ignore it in a relationship or put it so low on the priority list always amazes me, but to make such a gig deal about it too sometimes is overblown. Maybe I screwed up early in my relationship thinking we had a good sex life. I thought the quantity seemed fine for me, I didn't know much different and quality too was there...... As I say I put it more a priority then my spouse and that is where the issues arise.
SarahRose Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 The concept of marriage is far from outdated! The issue with it is the lack of priority. Marriage should often come before child rearing, work, travel, parents, or anything else. Would it be a horrible thing to allow Timmy to fend for himself (once in a while) in the name of bonding with your wife... NO WAY! How is one to expect the passion to remain if you don't do a little something unexpected or even mildly crazy to show your spouse how much they mean to you? I’ll give you an example of a relationship I know that is far from perfect but they always figure it out... he seems to always make sure that she knows how much she means to him. They build excitement and passion when they can. One of the best ways for him to get great sex? To speak her 'love language;' acts of service. Cleaning house when she least expects it - never fails! She brags about her husband’s unexpected 'maid services' on Facebook and others sometimes retort asking "what is he feeling guilty for that he has to do that? I wish my husband would do something like that," etc... No marriage will ever be perfect, but there is no point throwing in the towel no matter how tough it may seem. Especially not once there are kids involved. As Kevinconner pointed out, finding another marriage will NOT solve the problem in the long run! The concept of marriage in modern America is broken, not the actual institution itself. It is fundamentally one of the most rewarding relationships that one will ever experience... The concept of marriage is far from outdated! The issue with it is the lack of priority. Marriage should often come before child rearing, work, travel, parents, or anything else. Would it be a horrible thing to allow Timmy to fend for himself (once in a while) in the name of bonding with your wife... NO WAY! How is one to expect the passion to remain if you don't do a little something unexpected or even mildly crazy to show your spouse how much they mean to you? I'l give you an example of a relationship I know that is far from perfect but they always figure it out... he seems to always make sure that she knows how much she means to him. They build excitement and passion when they can. One of the the best ways for him to get great sex? To speak her 'love language;' acts of service. Cleaning house when she least expects it - never fails! She brags about her husbands unexpected 'maid services' on Facebook and others sometimes retort asking "what is he feeling guilty for that he has to do that? I wish my husband would do something like that," etc... No marriage will ever be perfect, but there is no point throwing in the towel no matter how tough it may seem. Especially not once there are kids involved. As Kevinconner pointed out, finding another marriage will NOT solve the problem in the long run! The concept of marriage in modern America is broken, not the actual institution itself. It is fundamentally one of the most rewarding relationships that one will ever experience, but it takes more time, effort and work than many are willing to invest in our 'instant gratification' society... Well said. I don't understand why people don't even want to try to please their spouse.
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Well said. I don't understand why people don't even want to try to please their spouse. It was so well said, I said it twice in one post! lol...
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