kickintheaz Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 so, this day last week (nearly to the hour) i was in a HEAP.. crying, blubbering, an hour on the phone to the ex i've been chasing for 11 months had left me at the bottom of a very deep, very dark well.. HOW was I gonna survive? HOW was I gonna live without her? WHY was she still confused? WHY was she throwing this away without giving it a chance?... question after question roared through my head and not an answer was in sight... but I functioned, went to work, told my friends who've been kicking my az for the last 11 months, cried monday, moped tuesday, joined an online dating website wednesday, started chatting to a few girls thursday, til today I now have 6 dates lined up, hang on.. theres something wrong with this picture.. 6 I say?? SIX?? MY god, there are SIX women who want to go out with me for coffee/zoo/drink/lunch/a hike.. SIX Women who looked at a profile online, thought 'mmmm' and contacted ME.. SIX women who actually liked chatting to me enough online that they gave me their numbers.. SIX, good looking, confident, funny, smart, sexy women who WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME... and what makes it stranger, is that I want to go out with them, sure I dated over the last 11 months, but every single minute of those dates I was wracked with some kind of guilt that I was somehow betraying my feelings for my ex.. Yes, of course those feelings of love for her are still there, but now they have been left at the bottom of that well that I climbed out of on thursday, I know where they are if I ever need to go get them, but they are not ruling my every action now.. How did all this happen? it doesn;t matter, it did and now I can confidently say I am smiling, I am SOO looking forward to my dates, in fact I wish they were today!!!! A whole week NC with the ex, now that is highly unorthodox for me.... i hope her life is crap and she is wracked with guilt!! ha ha.. but I don't.. the opposite of love is indifference and that is where i am getting to now.. I have rediscovered my confidence, my laugh, my smile, I know how I want to be treated now and its not as someone in 2nd place.. Ex may think I'm good enough to love but not to be IN love with, well ex, I'm sorry, but I want to find someone who wants to be IN love with me.. and treat me accordingly.. I now have 6 women who DO want to spend time with me, and not as 'friends', but as a potential mate.. somewhere down the line.. coping surprisingly well? I think so.. so, after 11 months of misery, after a few meaningless flings and some boring dates, after sabotaging any chance of being happy with girls because of my EX and how I loved her unconditionally, after all that misery and pain, I climbed out of that well and am standing above ground now, smile on my face, a bounce in my step and the prospect of now continuing my life, which is actually looking like it just might be a great one.. if I can do it.. so can you... keep the faith, stay NC and whatever you do don't live in the past, just learn from it.. Kick
HeavenOrHell Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Hey Kick nice one! Great to hear from you and to hear you're doing well I'm newly NC too, nearly 3 weeks now and feeling stronger for it, actually feel happy sometimes!! I don't have 6 dates lined up sadly, that would be great I live in hope! Take good care and, above all-have fun
Author kickintheaz Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 Hey Kick nice one! Great to hear from you and to hear you're doing well I'm newly NC too, nearly 3 weeks now and feeling stronger for it, actually feel happy sometimes!! I don't have 6 dates lined up sadly, that would be great I live in hope! Take good care and, above all-have fun Hi HOH.. think I've caught up with your story now.. can I just say well done you.. its been a long and difficult road for you, which isn't surprising after the length of time you were with ex.. 3 weeks is amazing and I am truly delighted for you. It just shows, NC does work, but for us to heal and get that strength back.. its never entered into lightly and should never be entered into with any motive other than for us to get better.. think thats why I found it so hard to get into it.. I didn't WANT to let go of her.. but I am now and thats the best and biggest step I could take.. hold onto those happy feelings when they appear.. thats whats getting me going each day (when I wake up and my first thought is NOT of ex!) and you'll get those dates.. I have no doubt of that.. you are a wonderful, caring, patient person with donkeys years of love left to give to the right person.. and if I may brag a little, its gone up to 9 dates since I typed my msg!!! remember HOH 'whats for you won't pass you'.. keep the faith and keep in touch.. ((((((hugs))))))) Kick..
paleblue Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 good deal kick, i hope one of those works out for you. been 3 weeks for me and my NC. this coming week will be 4. i still have to see mine at work. we look at each other. she wants to be friends. its hard. still have huge swings, i am in misery, then better. then total misery, then better. maybe that is what it takes to get them out of your system. maybe that is the natural process of things. getting dates helps i think, helps with confidence. there is just something about being with a girl that makes you feel better. all week long i am miserable at my job. new girl calls saturday , wants to go out, we go out. its good. she wants a kiss, she wasnt leaving with out one lol. wants to meet again. huge ego boost. less miserable for now. good luck with your dates! my opinion, spending alone time healing isnt all its cracked up to be. i think it prolongs the misery. i think getting out with new girls heals us faster. no matter how good we think our exes are there are a million women out there that will blow them out of the water.
Author kickintheaz Posted February 22, 2010 Author Posted February 22, 2010 good deal kick, i hope one of those works out for you. been 3 weeks for me and my NC. this coming week will be 4. i still have to see mine at work. we look at each other. she wants to be friends. its hard. still have huge swings, i am in misery, then better. then total misery, then better. maybe that is what it takes to get them out of your system. maybe that is the natural process of things. getting dates helps i think, helps with confidence. there is just something about being with a girl that makes you feel better. all week long i am miserable at my job. new girl calls saturday , wants to go out, we go out. its good. she wants a kiss, she wasnt leaving with out one lol. wants to meet again. huge ego boost. less miserable for now. good luck with your dates! my opinion, spending alone time healing isnt all its cracked up to be. i think it prolongs the misery. i think getting out with new girls heals us faster. no matter how good we think our exes are there are a million women out there that will blow them out of the water. Cheers PaleB... I hope so too!! 3 weeks is good esp if ya have to work with her.. me and ex met whilst working together and had our difficulties during those times and always ended up back together.. BUT things are certainly looking up for you aren't they.. completely agree on the coping alone vs meeting others.. I know we are just trying to fill that void in our lives to some extent, its not that we NEED someone else there and we can't live without ex, its because we don't WANT to... when I think of all those days I only moved from laying on the couch to laying on the bed and staring at the ceiling wishing and hoping, I can't get those days back.. feelings for ex are still around but sure if they are dead from her side and I can only presume they are somewhat, then I need to find a way to redirect them.. and what better way than in the company of someone (or some people!) who WANT to spend time with me.. its the best thing to know that there is someone else thinking of you and indeed who doesn't want to leave you without a kiss... now that certainly is an ego boost.. roll with it and sure see where life takes you! well done to us all.... we're getting there and when we all go for the annual LS drinks session in Rio at the end of the year (did no one mention that btw?? hey, if Dating websites can do it why can't breakup websites!) how we will laugh at what we were like when we first joined!
SilkRose Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 so, this day last week (nearly to the hour) i was in a HEAP.. crying, blubbering, an hour on the phone to the ex i've been chasing for 11 months had left me at the bottom of a very deep, very dark well.. HOW was I gonna survive? HOW was I gonna live without her? WHY was she still confused? WHY was she throwing this away without giving it a chance?... question after question roared through my head and not an answer was in sight... but I functioned, went to work, told my friends who've been kicking my az for the last 11 months, cried monday, moped tuesday, joined an online dating website wednesday, started chatting to a few girls thursday, til today I now have 6 dates lined up, hang on.. theres something wrong with this picture.. 6 I say?? SIX?? MY god, there are SIX women who want to go out with me for coffee/zoo/drink/lunch/a hike.. SIX Women who looked at a profile online, thought 'mmmm' and contacted ME.. SIX women who actually liked chatting to me enough online that they gave me their numbers.. SIX, good looking, confident, funny, smart, sexy women who WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME... and what makes it stranger, is that I want to go out with them, sure I dated over the last 11 months, but every single minute of those dates I was wracked with some kind of guilt that I was somehow betraying my feelings for my ex.. Yes, of course those feelings of love for her are still there, but now they have been left at the bottom of that well that I climbed out of on thursday, I know where they are if I ever need to go get them, but they are not ruling my every action now.. How did all this happen? it doesn;t matter, it did and now I can confidently say I am smiling, I am SOO looking forward to my dates, in fact I wish they were today!!!! A whole week NC with the ex, now that is highly unorthodox for me.... i hope her life is crap and she is wracked with guilt!! ha ha.. but I don't.. the opposite of love is indifference and that is where i am getting to now.. I have rediscovered my confidence, my laugh, my smile, I know how I want to be treated now and its not as someone in 2nd place.. Ex may think I'm good enough to love but not to be IN love with, well ex, I'm sorry, but I want to find someone who wants to be IN love with me.. and treat me accordingly.. I now have 6 women who DO want to spend time with me, and not as 'friends', but as a potential mate.. somewhere down the line.. coping surprisingly well? I think so.. so, after 11 months of misery, after a few meaningless flings and some boring dates, after sabotaging any chance of being happy with girls because of my EX and how I loved her unconditionally, after all that misery and pain, I climbed out of that well and am standing above ground now, smile on my face, a bounce in my step and the prospect of now continuing my life, which is actually looking like it just might be a great one.. if I can do it.. so can you... keep the faith, stay NC and whatever you do don't live in the past, just learn from it.. Kick You are doing so well! Thanks for sharing. Six women? You should be flattered, that means a lot. Keep us updated!
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