Has he gone back? Am devastated.

[Tashcw]

Hi all,

 

Am feeling absolutely and utterly desperate today. I think I know what your answers will be, but think I need to hear them anyway as I am at the lowest point I have ever been.

 

I started an affair with my DP about 20 months ago (again, I realise some of you will say this is karma, but I had never, ever felt this way about someone before. Ever. Thinking of him made me feel dizzy and although I broke it off twice during this time, I just couldn't cope without him). He had also had 2 other (short term) affairs before me so I managed to convince myself that their marriage failing was not my fault - whether it was or not I now don't know.

 

His wife found out last July and when she confronted him, he admitted it and left her, moving into rented accommodation immediately and saying we could finally be together. Since then we had a couple of 'wobbles' (never going back to her, but just hard points where he was quite down), as he desperately missed having his boys around permanently, but around October time it all settled down and he seemed continually happy (and more importantly, so did his 2 boys, who I have not yet met). We talked about moving forward, marriage, meeting his children, becoming a stepmom, he spent Christmas at mine, we spent time with each others friends and families, were due to go on holiday in 2 weeks etc etc.

 

Then last weekend his ex and 2 boys went skiing for the first time without him. He was very quiet for a couple of days, and then Tuesday morning told me that he didn't know what he wanted anymore, broke down and said he just didn't know what to do. He said he needed Tuesday night to think, then texted me Wednesday morning to say he wanted a separation and needed to be alone to give his family a chance.

 

He'd said on Tuesday morning he felt he needed someone to talk to, so I sent him therapist details, told him that I honestly believe his boys would be happier seeing their dad with someone who he loves and who loves him (his ex was very, very cold to him - I know this from hearing them both talk about their break up and the effect her actions had on the children etc).

 

I haven't heard anything since then and am an absolute mess. I have had bad relationships before and finally felt this was going to be a happy future and honestly thought he did too.

 

So, I know the general advice will be to break away, grow strong etc etc but I think I just need to hear it from you all.

 

I'd also love to know stories, good and bad, of DPs that have wavered and how people coped.

 

Thank you all,

 

T

xx

[bittersweet memories]

 

I'd also love to know stories, good and bad, of DPs that have wavered and how people coped.

 

 

xx

 

 

Honestly you would probably get a better response if you re-post this thread on the OW forum.. There is great advice from OW that have been there and done that. Good Luck..