ladyjane83 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Hey, I just want a bit of opinion really because my head is spinning trying to figure this guy out. I have written about him on here before, we met online went out 4 times but he ended it becuase he didnt like some things about my past (how many boyfriends I'd had) but he was really upset about it because everything else is perfect (his words). If you want you can read about it in my other posts. Well last weekafter 2/3 weeks of NC I sent him a general text and he repleid saying that he had been thinking about me. and said that we should go out for food sometime, now when we were dating it was me who did all the initiating to ask out because he wasnt very forthcoming....but now, this week he has asked me out 3 times, we have hung out twice and on Friday night he even cancelled going to another city with his friends so that I could go over for food. The problem I'm having is trying to work out if he is now seeing me as a friend or if he is giving us another try. He has previously told me he never stays friends with exes. Friday night was really nice, I stayed there for about 4 hours and we had lots of talk and laughing, we get on really well. We were talking about relationships and things we want/dont want and he would use examples like "well if we got together....blah blah blah" He asked me if Im back on the dating website and I said how my profile is up but I havent subscribed to read messages. It then got on to the subject of us meeting on there and I told him that his profile was the reason I joined and as soon as I did the first person I got a message from was him, so I paid the subscription just to read his message. He was properly smiling all while I was telling him and said "everyone says the online dating is really unromantic, but thats a really nice story.." We then talked about the other girls he met online, some he went out with up to 4 times, he said he doesnt talk to any of them any more, but he thinks he might have got a text of one the other day but isnt sure because he deleted their numbers. He said theres no point in keeping numbers and staying in touch if it isnt going to go anywhere. So at this point I was thinking..well why are you staying in touch with me?! He was also asking what my friends have said about him and us and I told him that they think he is a bit weird. At the end of the night he invited him self on my shopping trip with me in a couple of days time. Anyway, the next day I just decided to ask...Text conversation as follows: ME: Am I still allowed to ask you anything I want?...because I have a question.... HIM: Yeeeess..... ME:Sooo, you know we have started hanging out again, from your point of veiw is it just as friends now? I dont mind if it is, just so I know whats going on x LONG WAIT FOR REPLY HIM: I'm happy being friends, we have a good time together. ME: Ok, wish I'd never asked now. Well, see you during the week at *shopping centre* HIM: Why? ME: Why do you think? HIM: Are you sad now? ME: Yeah, but what can I do hey. HIM: But I'm weird! Who knows what will happen in the future. ME: I dont really know what you mean by that, but yes you are weird. NO REPLY ME: Sorry, it my own fault for getting my hopes up. Im happy hanging out as friends if thats all its going to be because youre right, we do get on well. So I would rather see you as a friend than not at all. HIM: Dont be silly, you have no reason to apologise. Lets just have fun and be happy when we are togther. ME: Sounds good to me x WFT??????? My friends say that he sounds like he is giving it another try to see if he likes me but didnt want to tell me that incase I got my hopes up... why esle would he still want to hang out so much (more than when we were actually dating) but I dont know. He said he doesnt see the point in staying friends with people you have dated. So why me? My friends also suggested that maybe I have confused him, that he had an idea on paper of his perfect girl but cant deny that we have lots of fun together. I dont know. Is it just friends? or is he keeping me hanging there incase he changes his mind?
counterman Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I honestly think he is keeping you there in case he changes his mind. It's obvious he hasn't met anyone else he has really liked yet but he seems to have fun with you and he seems to be thinking along the lines of "if things don't work out with any other girl, I'll always have this girl to fall back on". You don't want to be his second best; you don't want to be his last resort. True, no one knows what's going to happen in the future but you do know what's happening in the present. You are getting your hopes up for someone who probably doesn't want what you want. He knows he has you to hang out with if he wants to. I think you should just go back to NC and move on, because the more you go on with this, the more potential hurt you may face and it'll be back to square one. At MOST, you should ask him straight out in person what he wants from you. Anything that suggests that he isn't 100% certain on getting back together with you and working things out is a sign telling you to move on. You can't be friends with someone you have feelings for.
Barky Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Question: why would you tell someone, anyone, "how many boyfriends" you've had. Guys don't like to hear that stuff. Women barely tolerate it either. Makes the person you're with now feel very un-special. "Wow you're my 53rd boyfriend!" just doesn't fly.
Author ladyjane83 Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 I get that yeah he is probably just seeing me as a friend..but what I dont understand is WHY? He said two things the other night that have caused me to be confused. 1: Saying that he never stays in touch with girls that it hasnt worked out with because he doesnt see the point. 2: (when I mentioned I used to be best friends with a guy when I was in school) "I dont agree with guys and girls being friends...members of the opposite sex can never just be friends" hmm. So why is he wanting to be my friend...asking me to hang out 3 times in 1 week and even blowing off his friends to spend a night in with me??
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