AmberJ Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 A few months ago I started hanging out with a group of friends every weekend. After a few weeks of hanging out one of the guys asked me if I wanted to go on a date. I told him I didn't like him in that way and he (I thought) accepted that. I continued to hang out with the group, but a week after he had first asked me out he tells me he has limerence? He basically confessed everything to me; that he waits around for me to IM him, he's changed himself a lot so I'd like him more, everything reminds him of me, among other things. I know people can get massive crushes, but i had never heard of limerence. When he started telling me all of this stuff I wasn't sure how to reply. He told me that if there's absolutely no chance of us dating to tell him, but he "couldn't handle that right now." He also told me about how bad he felt after I declined his offer to go out before, and mentioned that if he took a rejection that hard, he doesn't know what he'd do after a break up. I wasn't sure if I should take this as serious as a suicide threat, or just him being overly dramatic. I feel a bit uncomfortable, like somehow he's controlling me by telling me about his 'obsession' with me. He gets very jealous if another guy texts me during hanging out, and he calls me pet names like boo or babe when we're talking through text or IM. He's beginning to confide in more people (including mutual friends) about his feelings towards me, which I get a little embarrassed by. I feel like it's getting out of hand and I don't know how to stop it. I don't want to stop hanging out with my group of friends, but it seems as though his feelings for me are getting greater every week. What do I say to him?
Vertex Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Stick to your guns. If you aren't interested, you're not interested. Furthermore, that kind of behavior is not really acceptable, in my opinion. He's basically trying to guilt you and unload emotional baggage from the very start through means of obsession? Not too fun.
dazzle22 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 You should not let yourself get in situations where you are alone together. Hanging in a group is ok, but being alone together will just worsen the problem for him and you. When he texts, say something like, "I am not comfortable with this conversation" and leave it at that. Try to let him down gently as it sounds like he is a bit fragile.
BG1985 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 You need to be really blunt with this guy, maybe to the point of making a fool out of him in public. This guy sounds downright creepy, and you don't deserve to be treated the way he treats you. Don't let yourself be caught alone with him.
soup Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 What is limerence? Is that a fancy word for being a selfish idiot? He needs to grow up. Sorry for you.... if you feel threatened then make sure one or two of your friends are aware of what's going on and how you feel about it.
littlewhiterose Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Well, what have you said to him so far? If you haven't said much in response to what he's telling you, he may think you're considering him/mulling things over.
Author AmberJ Posted February 22, 2010 Author Posted February 22, 2010 I make a point not to be alone with him, when we hang out at his house I always make sure someone else has arrived before me. The first time he asked me out I was very blunt and told him I didn't see him in that way. Then when he first started telling how much he liked me the week after I told him I was flattered, but once he kept going and spilling everything to me I tried to answer with generic responses about how I don't experience the same thing. I guess the next time he mentions it I just need to lay it down like it is. And I'll tell a couple friends how much it bothers me. I think right now they think of it as more of a funny thing to tease me about instead of one that makes me legitimately uncomfortable.
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 He told me that if there's absolutely no chance of us dating to tell him, but he "couldn't handle that right now." He also told me about how bad he felt after I declined his offer to go out before, and mentioned that if he took a rejection that hard, he doesn't know what he'd do after a break up. I wasn't sure if I should take this as serious as a suicide threat, or just him being overly dramatic. This seems quite manipulative if you ask me. I would back off this guy and distance yourself more and more from him.
threebyfate Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 Amber, this is getting strange. I would seriously communicate your issues to your friends how this could easily get out-of-hand and turn into a creepy stalker scenario. For the interim, I would stop hanging out with your friends, unless you know he won't be there. Best to avoid the obsessive types.
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