tjl Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 trying to cut a long story short, my gf dumped me after 18mths and after initial shock and thinking over the reasons why I decided that I should not give up on what was a wonderful relationship and is what most people and we want in a relationship. The reason is she says that she loves me as a friend even though she wants to love me a a husband . We have had the marriage / living together/babies talk and we both want the same things in our lives. We have had several long talks about the situation since the breakup and today I think she finally spoke about her feelings clearly. She thinks about me lots, cries at the situation she is in. she finally broke down in tears today she is so frustrated she wants to love me and have me in her life but does not understand why she can't find the love she wants. She has talked to others and that has not provided any useful help. I love her deeply and want her to be happy and this is breaking my heart and hers. Any advice on how we can try to change the situation so she can build on what we have so we can have a future together or maybe there is no hope. Thanks
Golfilla Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Pal, it's over. Sorry to be so blunt, but that's just the way it is. From the way you're talking, you blew it when you acted all needy and overly affectionate around her, and she lost interest. Forget her and move on. She doesn't respect you a great deal, but she wants to keep you around as a 'friend' because you do things for her that the guys she's really interested in do not. Basically, you're in the bullpen until she's basically given up on finding the guy she really wants. So you can either leave and find someone else (while learning from the mistakes you made this time), or you can hang around for another nine years and hope that it doesn't work out between her and any of the other guys she'll date in that time. Your choice.
skydiveaddict Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 (edited) The reason is she says that she loves me as a friend even though she wants to love me a a husband She is feeding you a line of s..t. She is looking to displace guilt and she is not being honest w/you. Trust me, if you're in love w/someone, you don't start pulling the "friend" card. And Golfilla is right. Never let yourself be walked on like that Edited February 21, 2010 by skydiveaddict
alphamale Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Any advice on how we can try to change the situation so she can build on what we have so we can have a future together or maybe there is no hope. with women its all about feelings and emotions
Author tjl Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 Golfilla: no need to apologise blunt=clear message. Thinking about you “needy” comment I have to say honestly that certainly before the split this was not the case at least as far as my understanding of needy ( and googles) so I only need to wait 9 years! tempting as that offer is, I think I'll give it a miss skydiveaddict: I have to agree with you, currently having the head vs heart fight, I know the head is right but still listening to the heart saying don't give up.
BG1985 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 She's saying these things to let you down easily and not look like a bad person for breaking your heart. You're really not in the friend zone either. She is using you for attention until she finds the next guy.
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