oneheart Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Hi everyone After a long and painful relationship ending, my ex and I broke up a couple of days ago and I am feeling totally broken at the moment. Tomorrow I am going back home to the place where we lived to pack up my things. (I've been staying at my mum's the past couple of nights) My ex is away for 4 days which means I can pack everything and go without him around. However - I haven't got anyone to help me, it's all in my own company... (my mum might be able to make it over for one day). Any thoughts or ideas of how I can do this without feeling suicidal and ending up in a snotty mess? I'm dreading walking through the door tomorrow seeing our past lives where I loved him SO much... FYI he finished it btw. Thanks.xx
GrayClouds Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Hi everyone After a long and painful relationship ending, my ex and I broke up a couple of days ago and I am feeling totally broken at the moment. Tomorrow I am going back home to the place where we lived to pack up my things. (I've been staying at my mum's the past couple of nights) My ex is away for 4 days which means I can pack everything and go without him around. However - I haven't got anyone to help me, it's all in my own company... (my mum might be able to make it over for one day). Any thoughts or ideas of how I can do this without feeling suicidal and ending up in a snotty mess? I'm dreading walking through the door tomorrow seeing our past lives where I loved him SO much... FYI he finished it btw. Thanks.xx Sorry for your loss. Allow yourself to be snotty mess. Your saying goodby to a part of yourlod life and it is ok to be sad. But before you start visually a new life. One that you want, the perfect job, a great new apartment, with a perfect view, how will furnish it with your stuff. Get a very good idea of it, make it perfect. And when you start packing and you feeling overwhelmed, stop take a big breath or two, give yourself 1 minute to cry, take another breath, close your eyes and visualize that new life, that new apartment, and then remind yourself as soon as you get this stuff packed the sooner that future will come true. Let us know how it goes. Remember you will be ok.
Author oneheart Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 Thanks GC. Maybe I will just have to sit there and get snotty... I really wish I had someone there with me. It's going to be so hard... and really tiring. The place I'm moving to isn't fantastic, it's ok .... I wish I could feel positive about it but I don't. I wish I could be more objective about it all. I've just left the dating forum with my situation on my recent break up if anyone wants to know the details. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=221501 It hurts so much when you feel like you have given so much and been so kind to someone and you end up with them being so resentful towards you and even still being nasty to you when it was them who finished with you. But I guess it's because he is disappointed and hurt he didn't get what he wanted (which was everything his own way - but then, isn't thatwhy I am leaving?) Am I asking for too much really? Why is it I still feel like and believe that other people's feelings SHOULD come before mine. It still feels like my weakness and low tolerance, insecurity and jealousy that has led me to this loss.... It feels like I have got what I deserve... When people in LS have described my ex's behaviour it seems to explain his behaviour somtimes very well but I'm not sure if it's right... he certainly has disagreed with almost everything said by other LS members - or computer geeks -as he called us/them/you. I can't imagine he is really that unthoughtful... because ... well, he has been SO nice at times. I don't think he is playing a game with me, I think he did love me. If he was playing a game then I don't think he was aware of it. I think it must be his low self confidence and his emotions tugging him into certain behaviours, and I think he trusts his feelings so much he behaves and acts on them without questioning how his behaviour will effect others. Believing his feeling are right. Maybe he is just not self aware... or aware of other people's feeling that much. I suppose I am trying to understand the way he is and explain why he would not care about me enough to make changes and do and say some of the nasty things he has done. I can't help thinking that if I was the right one he would have done it for me. That it is possible for him to do it. It's just I wasn't good enough. I'm not good enough for the man I love. He just keeps repeating that he was committed to me and I have to accept him the way he is because he is not going to change. He says I have a lot of issues and that in time I will see that I should have just accepted him more and will see what he does for me. .... Maybe I am an idiot? I find it hard to bear the fact he is upset and hurt. I don't want to hurt anyone... yes - obviously I am very very upset too. He's flying off for an all guys holiday ice driving for 4 days - that's good medicine for him isn't it? I'm packing crying at home .. my old home our home where I wasn't good enough and made some mistakes not being independant enough... even tho I feel I have just recently made a huge breakthrough on that...
GrayClouds Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Thanks GC. Maybe I will just have to sit there and get snotty... I really wish I had someone there with me. It's going to be so hard... and really tiring. The place I'm moving to isn't fantastic, it's ok .... I wish I could feel positive about it but I don't. I wish I could be more objective about it all. I've just left the dating forum with my situation on my recent break up if anyone wants to know the details. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=221501 It hurts so much when you feel like you have given so much and been so kind to someone and you end up with them being so resentful towards you and even still being nasty to you when it was them who finished with you. But I guess it's because he is disappointed and hurt he didn't get what he wanted (which was everything his own way - but then, isn't thatwhy I am leaving?) Am I asking for too much really? Why is it I still feel like and believe that other people's feelings SHOULD come before mine. It still feels like my weakness and low tolerance, insecurity and jealousy that has led me to this loss.... It feels like I have got what I deserve... When people in LS have described my ex's behaviour it seems to explain his behaviour somtimes very well but I'm not sure if it's right... he certainly has disagreed with almost everything said by other LS members - or computer geeks -as he called us/them/you. I can't imagine he is really that unthoughtful... because ... well, he has been SO nice at times. I don't think he is playing a game with me, I think he did love me. If he was playing a game then I don't think he was aware of it. I think it must be his low self confidence and his emotions tugging him into certain behaviours, and I think he trusts his feelings so much he behaves and acts on them without questioning how his behaviour will effect others. Believing his feeling are right. Maybe he is just not self aware... or aware of other people's feeling that much. I suppose I am trying to understand the way he is and explain why he would not care about me enough to make changes and do and say some of the nasty things he has done. I can't help thinking that if I was the right one he would have done it for me. That it is possible for him to do it. It's just I wasn't good enough. I'm not good enough for the man I love. He just keeps repeating that he was committed to me and I have to accept him the way he is because he is not going to change. He says I have a lot of issues and that in time I will see that I should have just accepted him more and will see what he does for me. .... Maybe I am an idiot? I find it hard to bear the fact he is upset and hurt. I don't want to hurt anyone... yes - obviously I am very very upset too. He's flying off for an all guys holiday ice driving for 4 days - that's good medicine for him isn't it? I'm packing crying at home .. my old home our home where I wasn't good enough and made some mistakes not being independant enough... even tho I feel I have just recently made a huge breakthrough on that... You love this guy for what he could be but he jsut did not have it in him. Rather then seen it as his inability to grow youare taking it as your un worthiness. We all make mistake that is what makes us human. Maybe you could not except him because you deep down inside know you deserve more then her can give you. You want something deeper, more fulfilling, greater intimacy. And you deserve it. Until you heal form this realtionship areyou going to be able to finds someone who can give you ALL that you need. You have to focus on yourself stop trying to fix the realtionship that is over, stop worrying about his hurt, and start taking care of your own. It will be hard but you can do it. This is just a hard first step to a better life with that love you deserve.
SuburbanOblivion Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I can't help thinking that if I was the right one he would have done it for me. That it is possible for him to do it. It's just I wasn't good enough. I'm not good enough for the man I love. Let me fix that for you... I can't help thinking that if he was the right one he would have done it for me. That it is possible for him to do it. It's just he wasn't good enough. He's not good enough for me. Read it, know it, believe it. Go over and instead of focusing on the part, play some really loud music while you pack, and think of all the things you are going to be doing in the future. Going out, having fun and best of all finding yourself again! Do you even remember who you were before you started trying to change your personality and way of thinking to suit *his* life? I'd bet not. There is a wonderful, beautiful, self-respecting, take-bull****-from-no-one woman under there. Let her out to play again, because when Mr. Right comes along, he will love her for who she is, and you will love yourself that much more int he meantime
Author oneheart Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 I've reposted back into the dating forum so as people who have been following the thread may be able to respond to the latest update.. (should have just stayed there should I? Oh god! Sorry! I'm sending everyone on a goose chase!) GC I think you are right. And that thought will help me get through the packing. I just wish that I had reached that point where I absolutely say that's it... but it looks like my liberty to post how I feel to a neutral audience has been jepordized.... by him.. see new post... Hopefully I will get my own closure on this in the process of packing and arriving at my new life. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t222293/
curiousnycgirl Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Oneheart my recommendation to you is to plow through what you must do - get it done, thoroughly and completely. Do not break down into a snotty mess until you are well and fully done with the difficult task ahead. You don't want to leave anything unfinished - just forced yourself to focus on the task, not the true meaning, and then have your beak down to your heart's content once you know you are safe to do so. At leas tthat's how I would do it. Will be thinking of you.
Author oneheart Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 (edited) Awwww - thanks SO *teary smile* and curiousnygirl... I think it will probably end up a combination of it all! Snot - tears - loud music - dancing - excitement - relief - then snot again etc etc. until I'm there in my new place.... ...where I'll take a deep breath and go and start building the life I want, making myself strong and financially stable to get what I have wanted for a long time... my own family. Shame he couldn't see I was already starting on that.... Edited February 21, 2010 by oneheart
freestyle Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 You deserve someone who'll be completely honest with you. Until he learns to be honest with himself........he can't be honest with anyone else..........and therefore he can't have a healthy relationship, no matter how nice he is. As long as he's got the former gf waiting in the wings, no woman in her right mind is going to feel secure in a relationship with him. I really have to wonder how he would have felt if the shoe was on the other foot.......... If you had come into the relationship with an ex still involved in your life on a regular basis........ ......that you neglected to mention for the first six months you were together..."Whoops, guess it just..slipped my mind....."" WTH?!?!?! One heart, I have personally had an experience very similar to yours.... ...if you'd like, feel free to PM me, I'd be happy to share my insight with you. Hang in there, dear..........
Recommended Posts