PuggaGirl Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I have no one around to talk to right now so I just need to vent: I posted my story here a while back, but here's the short version: 3 months ago today, my husband moved out after saying he wasn't in love in me, should not have married me (we'd been together 14 years, married 10 years), and he hadn't been happy for possibly the entire time we were together. We had problems: lack of communication, lack of intimacy, but I thought we always enjoyed time with each other. I admit that I was a main cause of the breakdown of our marriage and when we had the first conversation about his unhappiness, I started planning help for us, romantic getaways - everything we should do - but it was a little too late. I know he doesn't love me and maybe never has. I know he's been out meeting women and having as much fun and sex as he can. He possibly has a girlfriend that he's serious about (he won't admit it to me) and an ex-girlfriend from HS that's trying to re-connect with him. With all of this going on, why do I still find myself thinking about him, missing him, and crying over a relationship that really wasn't. I feel like such a loser for even wasting any of my time on him. We have no children, so there's nothing to tie us together. Even NC doesn't seem to help. I feel like the biggest cry-baby and most pathetic person for crying as I write this... I have given up all hope that he will wake up and want to start again; I've just about given up all hope that we will ever be friends. With everything I did to hurt him, everything I did to let our marriage fail, I still cry some days like "poor me, he broke my heart". No, I broke his heart and now he's living the life he missed out on. I keep kicking myself for crying over this situation. I made him walk away and I just need to suck it up and get over it. Why can't it be that easy??
apollo2588 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Doesn't matter the circumstances... once you've grown used to having a certain person by your side, once its over... it's always hard to deal with. The challenge is just understanding that your life is changing... and once you get used to not having him around, the pain will ease and you'll be able to move on. Just takes time
deux ex machina Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 (edited) ...With all of this going on, why do I still find myself thinking about him, missing him, and crying over a relationship that really wasn't. I feel like such a loser for even wasting any of my time on him. We have no children, so there's nothing to tie us together. Even NC doesn't seem to help. I feel like the biggest cry-baby and most pathetic person for crying as I write this... I have given up all hope that he will wake up and want to start again; I've just about given up all hope that we will ever be friends. With everything I did to hurt him, everything I did to let our marriage fail, I still cry some days like "poor me, he broke my heart". No, I broke his heart and now he's living the life he missed out on. I keep kicking myself for crying over this situation. I made him walk away and I just need to suck it up and get over it. Why can't it be that easy?? It's because you are grieving, and breaking a bond. What you are going through is perfectly natural. Be patient with yourself - as patient with yourself as you would with any friend you are helping...in so many ways, sometimes we can neglect the fact that we need to be our own friend and advocate - not only everyone else's all of the time. So take care of you, respect the fact that you're processing all this stuff, and do not forget to keep moving forward. Edited February 21, 2010 by deux ex machina
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