Jersey Shortie Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Women can be pretty subtle with their signals. It's not a science. There is this one guy at my gym that I like but it's hard for me to be friendly with him. ...would you ever approach a guy if he seemed your type? No, not out of hte blue. Do you not approach guys as a general rule? No. What goes through your mind when you see someone you'd maybe like to get to know? That he's attractive and I'd like to get to know him. And that I hope he approaches me. Do you hold back or wait to be approached? Both The thing about women and approaching men is that we don't want to feel like we had to lasso a man in. We are naturally just not aggresive in that way. Now there are girls that are out going like that and that's fine. But most women want to be woo'ed a bit.
Tropic Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Too shy to aproach them. I agree with the signals, but it really varies. I would try to get close to the guy, look at him but in a subtle way. . . I am terrible at that tbh! When they come to me I am friendly, and if I like the guy (when I didn't have a boyfriend) I would ask him questions about himself. . . show interest that way.
Author Vertex Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 Argh! lol Problem is that whenever a girl DOES talk to me, I usually feel like it's all friendly-talk.
Jersey Shortie Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Vertex, do you ever tease and flirt? I'm not talking about being overtly sexual in your flirting, but more playful...it's easy to get into some witty banter with the conversation is light and playful and you can tell who is receptive to it. You live in NYC dude, there are women EVERYWHERE. To be honest, you should practice on women..not lead the on but just flirt and have fun and really study women, how they react, what they do. Not enough men do that. And that's why so many guys crash and burn. They don't take the time to learn about women.
Author Vertex Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 Vertex, do you ever tease and flirt? I'm not talking about being overtly sexual in your flirting, but more playful...it's easy to get into some witty banter with the conversation is light and playful and you can tell who is receptive to it. You live in NYC dude, there are women EVERYWHERE. To be honest, you should practice on women..not lead the on but just flirt and have fun and really study women, how they react, what they do. Not enough men do that. And that's why so many guys crash and burn. They don't take the time to learn about women. Thing is, I try to flirt by just being witty/funny, and I think it just comes across as friendly even if I am trying to come across as interested. I try to avoid "sexual flirting."
Jersey Shortie Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 How do these women respond to you while your friendly flirting with them? Women pick up on things men don't, especially to subltle sexual cues.
Author Vertex Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 How do these women respond to you while your friendly flirting with them? Women pick up on things men don't, especially to subltle sexual cues. I don't know -- nothing out of the ordinary? I feel like maybe I am totally oblivious to certain cues and may be sending out the wrong signals that inadvertently imply a lack of interest (when it may be my shyness)? I have absolutely no idea, haha.
hats Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Thing is, I try to flirt by just being witty/funny, and I think it just comes across as friendly even if I am trying to come across as interested. I try to avoid "sexual flirting." Well here's the other thing... Not only are women not going to approach you, they're also not going to tell you that they're interested in you, tell you that they want to date you, kiss you first, initiate sexual activity... heck some girls aren't even going to give you these so called "signals" - a couple posters have already said that they don't or that they're bad at it. Basically as the guy a lot of times it'll be on you to take a relationship from point A to point B, and the girl isn't going to help you out except by either being receptive or non-receptive.
Author Vertex Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 Well, I'm screwed then. XD (and not in the good way)
SadandConfusedWA Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 If you are extremely good looking - girls will approach you, otherwise no. I find it hard to believe that you never see girls looking at you. I saw your pictures before... I am sure they do but somehow you are not picking up on it. BTW, I would never approach a guy. NEVER. Been there, done that and it never worked out in the long run. The most I will do is glance at a guy a few times and maybe smile (but mostly not). Just kind of hope to catch his eye and that he will take over from there.
Author Vertex Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 Does a smile from a guy really do it for most people? Like, one thing I know I *don't* do is *actively smile* at someone I see from afar or at someone I'm walking past on the street or something. I might make brief eye contact but I quickly focus on something else out of shyness. Perhaps that gets interpreted as lack of interest, I think. If anyone makes eye contact with me, I typically look away.
tami-chan Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Background: I am 23 years old, living/working in NYC. I was out with some female friends the other day and they all basically told me the same sort of thing: I need to hit on girls more often. Apparently I am "Tall, smart, good-looking, funny, stable, chill, etc" according to them, and I have to wonder how true these statements are or if they are "appeasement statements." "If you hit on girls more often, I guarantee you'd have very good luck -- do you have any idea how many creeps and douches are out there hitting on girls?" I feel like if these things were really true, I'd be approached by girls at least once. My main problem is that I am ridiculously shy and have a hard time approaching people at random (I usually meet new people through other people). In normal conversation I think I'm okay at first (I ease up over time), but I almost never approach women. If what they said is true, would you ever approach a guy if he seemed your type? Do you not approach guys as a general rule? What goes through your mind when you see someone you'd maybe like to get to know? Do you hold back or wait to be approached? I need some help, here Vertex! Welcome BACK to the East Coast! Enjoying the very cold weather? Anyway, I have never approached an attractive guy in RL...when I see one, I assume he is already "taken". Maybe women assume that about you?
SadandConfusedWA Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Does a smile from a guy really do it for most people? Like, one thing I know I *don't* do is *actively smile* at someone I see from afar or at someone I'm walking past on the street or something. I might make brief eye contact but I quickly focus on something else out of shyness. Perhaps that gets interpreted as lack of interest, I think. If anyone makes eye contact with me, I typically look away. Uh, there is your problem. Even if a girl wanted to approach you, you give her no signals. If you find prolonged eye contact uncomfortable at least smile before you look away.
USMCHokie Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Anyway, I have never approached an attractive guy in RL...when I see one, I assume he is already "taken". Maybe women assume that about you? Hmmmm, I do the same thing...assume that the attractive guy is taken... Bummer... No woman would assume that about me.
tami-chan Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Hmmmm, I do the same thing...assume that the attractive guy is taken... Bummer... No woman would assume that about me. HUH???????????? :confused::confused::confused:!!!! HOKIE! what do you MEAN?????????
USMCHokie Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 HUH???????????? :confused::confused::confused:!!!! HOKIE! what do you MEAN????????? The first part was an attempt at a funny. It looks like that failed... The second part was an attempt at self-deprecation. It looks like that failed too... It's getting late...I should probably be asleep by now...
soup Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Honestly I wonder if, when you're not around, those female friends who give you all the compliments are discussing which one of them is gonna get you and why haven't you ever made a move... I know you don't believe me because you're a modest guy who is respectful of women. I'm not saying you should mess up your friendships by hitting on your friends, just that THEY obviously find you attractive so I bet other women do too. All you have to do is make the same kind of witty conversation you make with your friends. You don't have to flirt in a sexual way. And if you have a good conversation then at some point invite the person for a coffee or ask for their number. Hanging around with female friends can make it easier to talk to women without looking like a creep. However it can also make single women think you must be taken.... on balance it's probably a good thing though!
gypsy_nicky Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 If you are extremely good looking - girls will approach you, otherwise no. I find it hard to believe that you never see girls looking at you. I saw your pictures before... I am sure they do but somehow you are not picking up on it. BTW, I would never approach a guy. NEVER. Been there, done that and it never worked out in the long run. The most I will do is glance at a guy a few times and maybe smile (but mostly not). Just kind of hope to catch his eye and that he will take over from there. you just contradicted yourself
Author Vertex Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 (edited) Honestly I wonder if, when you're not around, those female friends who give you all the compliments are discussing which one of them is gonna get you and why haven't you ever made a move... I know you don't believe me because you're a modest guy who is respectful of women. I'm not saying you should mess up your friendships by hitting on your friends, just that THEY obviously find you attractive so I bet other women do too. All you have to do is make the same kind of witty conversation you make with your friends. You don't have to flirt in a sexual way. And if you have a good conversation then at some point invite the person for a coffee or ask for their number. Hanging around with female friends can make it easier to talk to women without looking like a creep. However it can also make single women think you must be taken.... on balance it's probably a good thing though! Thing is I don't know if what they're telling me is true or if they're just trying to make me feel better. Like *I* think of myself in a certain way, but that doesn't always mean other people would agree with my opinion, you know? These girls talk about their other relationships/guy issues in front of me, talk about how "6'3" is the perfect height" (which is my height), refer to certain people as "gorgeous," etc. Basically things that indicate I am still, to some extent, falling into the friendzone nice-guy category in their eyes -- which is fine because I am not interested in them in that way, but it makes me wonder, is all. It's one of those things where they describe what they want in an ideal man and it happens to coincide with all of your traits -- I feel like, if what you're saying is true, do you not realize you're describing me? Then what's with all the complimentary statements made earlier? Edited February 21, 2010 by Vertex
crosswordfiend Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Thing is I don't know if what they're telling me is true or if they're just trying to make me feel better.me? If you want this to be true, it's best to assume that it's true. There is such a thing as a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Lindarose84 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Vertex, this is all pretty simple really. If you see a girl and find her attractive, approach her....period. Obviously the eye contact and subtle glances and smiles are not working for you. Chances are she won't be alone so you'll need a few (or one) wingmen to converse with her friends while you go in for the kill. Whether or not you fit the mold of what society finds attractive in men it all becomes moot if you don't even have the balls to go up to a woman to strike up a conversation. What's the worst that can happen? She'll feign interest and make up some excuse for her and her girlfriends to go to the bathroom if you don't get the hint that she's not interested. Ok big deal. You're not dead. Move on to the next. But if you are as tall and attractive as it seems to be coming across from this thread (never saw your pic), then I promise you, you will not face much, in any, rejection (if you do it's probably because the girl has a bf).
Author Vertex Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 (edited) Hmmm. I am curious though: I made a temporary account on this site... live webcam feed... could use opinions? XD Be honest! http://www.blogtv.com/People/LStemp (I figure having something "temporary" up would be better than posting pics. I hate the way I look in most pics, haha) EDIT: In hindsight... this feels pretty weird. Edited February 21, 2010 by Vertex
Lindarose84 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Ok I hopped on for a second. I can tell you a good haircut will make a world of difference. It could be just my personal opinion since I prefer guys with a cleaner cut. I would find you sooo much more attractive if you trimmed the hair since you already have a good face. I think a good makeover helps increase the aura of self confidence one has particularly when it comes to approaching members of the opposite sex at a bar. I think that's what you need here.
Author Vertex Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 Ok I hopped on for a second. I can tell you a good haircut will make a world of difference. It could be just my personal opinion since I prefer guys with a cleaner cut. I would find you sooo much more attractive if you trimmed the hair since you already have a good face. I think a good makeover helps increase the aura of self confidence one has particularly when it comes to approaching members of the opposite sex at a bar. I think that's what you need here. Do most women prefer rather short hair? I *just* had my hair cut not too long ago. XD I generally try to keep things medium length with things "tussled" in front so I get those "minibangs," whatever you call them. But I do agree a makeover can do wonders... I'm just not sure to what extent I would need to be made over.
Lindarose84 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Do most women prefer rather short hair? I *just* had my hair cut not too long ago. XD I generally try to keep things medium length with things "tussled" in front so I get those "minibangs," whatever you call them. But I do agree a makeover can do wonders... I'm just not sure to what extent I would need to be made over. Yeah, again this is just me, but the minibangs thing is not a good look in a man. Unless it's a look that's similar to Tom Cruise's look circa MI2 and Vanilla Sky as so: http://www.hji.co.uk/blogs/main/Tom-Cruise-Mission-Impossib.jpg Even there it's more of a side bang swoop thingy. A hairstyle like that is very different in sex appeal to say a look like this: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_yqQJe8VD5Ek/R1TxvxQeIxI/AAAAAAAAAWM/nMlG8xwXao0/s1600-R/emo+curly.jpg But again, that is just my humble opinion. The first picture is someone I'd want to date. The second picture is someone I'd want to set up with my little sister so they can watch Power Rangers together.
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