Disillusioned Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 People on the news are telling us that the economy's only barely starting to turn around now. Yeah, right... they live in an ivory tower and not in the real world. I'm not in danger of going broke yet, though bills + crummy day job = no vacation this year. At the very last minute, when I cheerfully announced to my best buddy that I finally had everything lined up to start that new IRL singles group, he says "don't do it, concentrate on selling your book instead." Then he goes on to explain that everyone who can afford it is either hoarding cash or sending it to overseas tax shelters, and apparently this "me first" attitude is what's been killing the dating & singles scenes here in the US. It's probably just me, but I put a premium on bonding---no bonding, no relationship. Yet when I look around, others seem to want to avoid bonding like the plague. As for sex without bonding (bka hookups), I just flat out won't have anything to do with it. I thought it was just women who are on strike, but a couple of days ago on some blog, I read about a study out of the UK that MEN are losing interest in sex, forcing some women to find a back-door man. So, if we ARE looking at an economic recovery in the next few years, then what? People will have all this money to spend, and they'll have a pretty lousy idea how to behave decently to each other? It really sucks to come home every day from a dead-end job to a house that's empty save for the dog, who sits on the sofa, looking pitiful. Hardly anyone comes to visit, my closest relatives live over 20 miles away, all I have are a bunch of hobbies which bore me more and more. It feels like all pain, no gain. I'd be happy to have a gf/wife move in with me... she'd have her own room, and a man who'd sew and cook for her (don't laugh). But I guess too many people are too selfish or too paranoid to see the benefit in bonding.
melodymatters Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Ignore your friend and join the singles group ! His theory sounds awfully nuts to me ! Sure, some people may be less likley to date if their funds are low or they are embarrased at being unemployed, but others may be reevaluating whats important and looking to bond. I'm not seeing anything like that, I think you just need to get out of your shell and put yourself out into the world ! PS. It's nice that you would like a GF to move in with you and you would cook and sew for her, but don't mention that on dates until you are in a R. It sounds a little too self effacing.
threebyfate Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 There's no doubt that people in general, have tightened up their belts but that doesn't mean people don't date or have stopped looking for relationships. That's just silly. Life goes on. Yes, join the singles group and see where it leads you. If you don't meet anyone worth a romantic relationship, you might just meet a potential friend or two.
Author Disillusioned Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 Ignore your friend and join the singles group ! His theory sounds awfully nuts to me ! Sure, some people may be less likley to date if their funds are low or they are embarrased at being unemployed, but others may be reevaluating whats important and looking to bond. I'm not seeing anything like that, I think you just need to get out of your shell and put yourself out into the world ! PS. It's nice that you would like a GF to move in with you and you would cook and sew for her, but don't mention that on dates until you are in a R. It sounds a little too self effacing. To clarify... I wanted to *start* the group and run it, not just join it... putting it together would be a lot of work. I don't know why so many singles online are hesitant to meet IRL... do they think they won't fit in if they show up in person, or are a lot of them just trolls who'd rather stay online and push people's buttons? For the last couple of years, IRL groups have been starting, but online dating services have tried to push back, almost like they're screaming "no, stick with us! Us-us-us!" Re inviting a gf to live with me... no way would I do that with someone I barely knew. I'd invite her over after 3 or 4 dates, but the trick is to drop a hint without saying it---this house is a lonely place. OTOH having your own room for less than $300 a month in a very coveted area of L.A., with a big yard, is not a bad deal at all. She wouldn't have to worry about any of my family barging in either... if any ghost is going to haunt this house, he better have himself a job!
nobody's girl Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 On behalf of the unemployed, I find it's difficult to date while in this situation. Broke and unemployed just isn't all that attractive to people. And I'm sure the employed can't help but wonder if the unemployed person they're dating is just using them for a meal and as a possible source of income. Can't blame them for being leery, I'm sure there are a lot of people out there just dating for a meal and/or a sugar daddy/sugar momma. I will wholeheartedly admit that a date for me these days means a decent meal and I won't turn that down no matter who the guy is. Okay, so maybe I'd take a pass if the invite came from a Jeffery Dahmer type, but you get the idea.
Author Disillusioned Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 On behalf of the unemployed' date=' I find it's difficult to date while in this situation. Broke and unemployed just isn't all that attractive to people. And I'm sure the employed can't help but wonder if the unemployed person they're dating is just using them for a meal and as a possible source of income. Can't blame them for being leery, I'm sure there [i']are[/i] a lot of people out there just dating for a meal and/or a sugar daddy/sugar momma. I will wholeheartedly admit that a date for me these days means a decent meal and I won't turn that down no matter who the guy is. Okay, so maybe I'd take a pass if the invite came from a Jeffery Dahmer type, but you get the idea. Just don't turn down everyone because you can... or you'll be kicking yourself for years for letting the best one get away because you thought it might be fun to give him the brush.
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