Is This Normal ? Why Am I Doing This ?

February 20, 2010

Even though I joined this thread well over a year ago, I for some reason never posted because I was embarassed and ashamed at how terrible my luck was when it came to dating. A recent heartache as well as the events that have transpired since have lead me to basically want to ask you guys something in confidence. It may be unsettling and strange, but I mean, I'm sure that I'm not the only one to be going through this, and I'm also sure there must be some kind of name for this issue, so here it goes:

Ever since my ex wife and I divorced close to 5 years ago, not only has my dating life gotten progressively worse, but something happens that needless to say is not normal: If you are the woman that I am pursuing and for whatever you leave me or reject me, I will quietly and peacefully comply, I will walk away without incident from you and never bother you again. You'll probably be thinking, "Oh, well that was easier than I thought, poor guy, at least he took it well." However, as soon as you walk away from me, something dark and sinister comes over me, and the first, I'd estimate 5-10 people to cross me, well for lack of a better terms, I basically snap and attack them, and it's pretty bad too. I actually grey out while in attack mode, not knowing the extent of the damage I've inflicted until it's been done. I don't want to elaborate on an open forum because I've been lucky enough to never be caught for my actions and intend to keep it that way. I just don't know why this is happening and wonder what the deal is because it's getting worse. A girl I'd been dating for close to eight months basically decided to cut me loose though we can still be "Just Friends" and my friend's brother in law and my neighbors boyfriend have already suffered dearly since. I am genuinely in fear that it will get worse and worse and worse every time I'm rejected.

I don't know who else to go to on this matter, my parents always made it a point to keep me from dating as a kid (my mom especially though thats an entirely diff issue all together), shrinks cost money and my friends, well they aren't bothered by it at all, in fact they occasionally use this to their advantage, using me as an attack dog do deal with personal vendettas with their enemies or some times their own personal amusement. I'm genuinely scared guys and don't know why this is happening. Does anyone else here have any experience with this type of problem ?

February 20, 2010

Even though I joined this thread well over a year ago, I for some reason never posted because I was embarassed and ashamed at how terrible my luck was when it came to dating. A recent heartache as well as the events that have transpired since have lead me to basically want to ask you guys something in confidence. It may be unsettling and strange, but I mean, I'm sure that I'm not the only one to be going through this, and I'm also sure there must be some kind of name for this issue, so here it goes:

Ever since my ex wife and I divorced close to 5 years ago, not only has my dating life gotten progressively worse, but something happens that needless to say is not normal: If you are the woman that I am pursuing and for whatever you leave me or reject me, I will quietly and peacefully comply, I will walk away without incident from you and never bother you again. You'll probably be thinking, "Oh, well that was easier than I thought, poor guy, at least he took it well." However, as soon as you walk away from me, something dark and sinister comes over me, and the first, I'd estimate 5-10 people to cross me, well for lack of a better terms, I basically snap and attack them, and it's pretty bad too. I actually grey out while in attack mode, not knowing the extent of the damage I've inflicted until it's been done. I don't want to elaborate on an open forum because I've been lucky enough to never be caught for my actions and intend to keep it that way. I just don't know why this is happening and wonder what the deal is because it's getting worse. A girl I'd been dating for close to eight months basically decided to cut me loose though we can still be "Just Friends" and my friend's brother in law and my neighbors boyfriend have already suffered dearly since. I am genuinely in fear that it will get worse and worse and worse every time I'm rejected.

I don't know who else to go to on this matter, my parents always made it a point to keep me from dating as a kid (my mom especially though thats an entirely diff issue all together), shrinks cost money and my friends, well they aren't bothered by it at all, in fact they occasionally use this to their advantage, using me as an attack dog do deal with personal vendettas with their enemies or some times their own personal amusement. I'm genuinely scared guys and don't know why this is happening. Does anyone else here have any experience with this type of problem ?

It is likely much deeper issue then just then your dating, to some really unhealthy ways you have learn to deal with anger. You really need to see a professional, yes it cost money but if this behavior contiues its going to cost you a great deal more.

February 20, 2010

I agree, please see a professional, the first step is that you admitted you have a problem.

It is likely much deeper issue then just then your dating, to some really unhealthy ways you have learn to deal with anger. You really need to see a professional, yes it cost money but if this behavior contiues its going to cost you a great deal more.

February 20, 2010

I agree its great you have admitted to having an issue! now for the next step.... There are many help places available out there for little or no cost... they run on a sliding-scale based on your income... Check with your local community =)

February 20, 2010

Yes, well done for saying this 'out loud', TG4MJ.

You appear to have started to try to find help. You need to continue to do so. Do not date again until you have confronted this issue and are getting some serious help with it.

Go to your doctor and explain what you have said here. If you have no intention of harming anyone else, at this point, he/she must keep what you say confidential. Explain you understand you need phsyciatric help but that you are worried about the cost. You will then be sharing some of the resposibility of this issue with him/her. It will be their job to help you access a solution and your job to follow their suggestions.

If he or she suggests taking medication, try it. There are meds that can help people to deal with such emotional turmoil - I am by no means an expert but I know of those who take such medication. There may be some undiagnosed issue that can explain your behaviour. Does anyone in your family have any diagnosed or suspected mental health issues?

I'd like to ask a bit more about what happens when you feel the need to attack. You said you 'grey out'? Can you explain how long this seems to happen for? What happens prior to this? And after it? You say this happens to the next 5 or 10 people who 'cross you'? What does it take for you to be 'crossed'? Do you plan to take your revenge or does it happen instantly? How have you managed to avoid being reported if you live close to, or know your victims?

There is a lot you need to analyse if you want help with this. If you choose not to do this, you will be caught. I'm pretty certain that a pattern like this will be traced at some point.

You also mention your mother and is 'an entirely diff issue'. I suspect not.

And your 'friends' get kicks out of your behaviour or utilise you to do their dirty work? Again, there are questions re. the victims you are picking. They are crossing you or your 'friends'?

I get you don't want to give lots of details on here but there are a couple of things that leave me with questions.

I doubt you will find someone here who behaves so specifically. There may be those with anger issues but you behaviour is way past that level. You need more help that can be given here. Please be responsible enough to get it.

February 24, 2010

Yes, well done for saying this 'out loud', TG4MJ.

You appear to have started to try to find help. You need to continue to do so. Do not date again until you have confronted this issue and are getting some serious help with it.

Go to your doctor and explain what you have said here. If you have no intention of harming anyone else, at this point, he/she must keep what you say confidential. Explain you understand you need phsyciatric help but that you are worried about the cost. You will then be sharing some of the resposibility of this issue with him/her. It will be their job to help you access a solution and your job to follow their suggestions.

If he or she suggests taking medication, try it. There are meds that can help people to deal with such emotional turmoil - I am by no means an expert but I know of those who take such medication. There may be some undiagnosed issue that can explain your behaviour. Does anyone in your family have any diagnosed or suspected mental health issues?

I'd like to ask a bit more about what happens when you feel the need to attack. You said you 'grey out'? Can you explain how long this seems to happen for? What happens prior to this? And after it? You say this happens to the next 5 or 10 people who 'cross you'? What does it take for you to be 'crossed'? Do you plan to take your revenge or does it happen instantly? How have you managed to avoid being reported if you live close to, or know your victims?

There is a lot you need to analyse if you want help with this. If you choose not to do this, you will be caught. I'm pretty certain that a pattern like this will be traced at some point.

You also mention your mother and is 'an entirely diff issue'. I suspect not.

And your 'friends' get kicks out of your behaviour or utilise you to do their dirty work? Again, there are questions re. the victims you are picking. They are crossing you or your 'friends'?

I get you don't want to give lots of details on here but there are a couple of things that leave me with questions.

I doubt you will find someone here who behaves so specifically. There may be those with anger issues but you behaviour is way past that level. You need more help that can be given here. Please be responsible enough to get it.

I guess I can go ahead and delve into an incident that might shed some light on what you've asked: It was the first ever incident, a little less than two years ago. I'd been dating a girl I work with and things had gone from semi flirt to us spending alot of time together, I'd help out at her house, with her kids, she was a doll ya know, real sweet and warm hearted, just needed a man to hold her close and tell her everything is ok. Poor girl told me these God awful horror stories about how her scumbag ex husband was a drunk and used to beat her senseless. Told me about how he once started beating her in front of one of her kids and when she pointed this out, instead of stopping, without missing a beat (scuse the pun) he dragged her by her hair into the bathroom and beat her in there, you know ? So he wouldn't be beating her in front of the kid . One day were talking in the break room when low and behold some hot shot comes right up to her and they kiss with me less than two feet away from her.

I can't explain the feeling that took over when I saw that. Kind of went into neutral I guess. I quietly went back to my station and finished my shift. At this point I felt drained. I just wanted to grab a burger and some movies, go home and get baked. I stopped at a gas station to grab a 6er when some clearly strung out panhandler tried to come up to me to ask for money (this is getting to be a problem in that area) As soon as he said "Excuse me" I just told him I wasn't interested, but he persisted in which I loose all composure and responded by saying " I SAID F*** OFF! " This time he got the point and walked away from me. I bought my beer and proceeded to the rental right behind the gas station. I rented my movies and was leaving when, oh gee, what do you know, the guy FOLLOWED me thinking third time was going to be a charm. He tried to block me from backing out, and all I can explain is everything just kinda went blank for like a split second, and the next thing you know I'm out of the car emptying a can of pepper spray in this guys face, and, well I guess I kicked him in the face or head because when I went home there was pepperspray all over my lower right pant leg. I don't know because for the life of me I don't remember the whole incident, just bits and pieces.

As it turns out, the guy was in fact, the ex husband she'd told me about, and to add insult to heartache, she had the nerve to text me occasionally asking me why I didn't talk to her anymore and that she hoped I wasn't mad about the fact that she decided to patch things up with him for "the kids sake". Apparently she thought this would ease my mind. All it did was create a few more incidents like the one I just mentioned. And that's just how it's been ever since. Guy likes girl. Girl rejects guy. Guy goes into neutral. Random idiot thinks it's funny that guy is heartbroken. Random Idiot picks on guy. Guy ends up royally injuring random idiot. Some times with fists, some times, well, with objects other than fists. They never see it coming either. I'm too small and too baby faced for them to really anticipate me. And for what it's worth, they usually antagonize me, so it's not like I just randomly attack people for no reason. Most of my victims usually had it coming. Before anything happens I usually make a genuine effort to declare I'm in no mood to be messed with, but nine times out of ten they want to push me just to see what happens, so, yeah.

I guess that's all I got for now. Sorry if anything seems weird or out of place on this post. Kinda intoxicated right now. Peace fellas. Damn took me almost an hour to type this, lol.

February 24, 2010

I guess I can go ahead and delve into an incident that might shed some light on what you've asked: It was the first ever incident, a little less than two years ago. I'd been dating a girl I work with and things had gone from semi flirt to us spending alot of time together, I'd help out at her house, with her kids, she was a doll ya know, real sweet and warm hearted, just needed a man to hold her close and tell her everything is ok. Poor girl told me these God awful horror stories about how her scumbag ex husband was a drunk and used to beat her senseless. Told me about how he once started beating her in front of one of her kids and when she pointed this out, instead of stopping, without missing a beat (scuse the pun) he dragged her by her hair into the bathroom and beat her in there, you know ? So he wouldn't be beating her in front of the kid . One day were talking in the break room when low and behold some hot shot comes right up to her and they kiss with me less than two feet away from her.

I can't explain the feeling that took over when I saw that. Kind of went into neutral I guess. I quietly went back to my station and finished my shift. At this point I felt drained. I just wanted to grab a burger and some movies, go home and get baked. I stopped at a gas station to grab a 6er when some clearly strung out panhandler tried to come up to me to ask for money (this is getting to be a problem in that area) As soon as he said "Excuse me" I just told him I wasn't interested, but he persisted in which I loose all composure and responded by saying " I SAID F*** OFF! " This time he got the point and walked away from me. I bought my beer and proceeded to the rental right behind the gas station. I rented my movies and was leaving when, oh gee, what do you know, the guy FOLLOWED me thinking third time was going to be a charm. He tried to block me from backing out, and all I can explain is everything just kinda went blank for like a split second, and the next thing you know I'm out of the car emptying a can of pepper spray in this guys face, and, well I guess I kicked him in the face or head because when I went home there was pepperspray all over my lower right pant leg. I don't know because for the life of me I don't remember the whole incident, just bits and pieces.

As it turns out, the guy was in fact, the ex husband she'd told me about, and to add insult to heartache, she had the nerve to text me occasionally asking me why I didn't talk to her anymore and that she hoped I wasn't mad about the fact that she decided to patch things up with him for "the kids sake". Apparently she thought this would ease my mind. All it did was create a few more incidents like the one I just mentioned. And that's just how it's been ever since. Guy likes girl. Girl rejects guy. Guy goes into neutral. Random idiot thinks it's funny that guy is heartbroken. Random Idiot picks on guy. Guy ends up royally injuring random idiot. Some times with fists, some times, well, with objects other than fists. They never see it coming either. I'm too small and too baby faced for them to really anticipate me. And for what it's worth, they usually antagonize me, so it's not like I just randomly attack people for no reason. Most of my victims usually had it coming. Before anything happens I usually make a genuine effort to declare I'm in no mood to be messed with, but nine times out of ten they want to push me just to see what happens, so, yeah.

I guess that's all I got for now. Sorry if anything seems weird or out of place on this post. Kinda intoxicated right now. Peace fellas. Damn took me almost an hour to type this, lol.

That whole post look to explain, rationalize your behavior. No where in it does it suggest you acknowledging you need to do something to change it. The girl disappointed you, you took her weakness as an insult to you. This is not very health thinking.

Three Recommendations:

1. Stop drinking it interferes with the healthy though processes needed for the hard work a head of you if you care to make changes.

2. Purchase and read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy. Your post suggest that your doing good deeds for a person is a contract for love.

3. And most importantly find a professional to work with, your issues are deeper then just anger.

February 24, 2010

Wait a second....are you telling me that the homeless guy outside of the gas station was her ex-husband?

February 24, 2010

Do you have health insurance? Sometimes health insurance plans covers counseling at a lesser charge than you think....

Or

Are you involved in a church? Sometimes churches have counselars available for free....

But you need to get counseling before you end up severly hurting someone and ending up in jail.

February 24, 2010

Ok. Thanks for the detail, TG.

There are still many questions, however. Such as why are you posting here? What are your thoughts about the suggestions people have made to you, so far?

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