sotagoon Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 (edited) On my commute home this evening, something hit me and it really hurt. I read a few posts today and through bits and pieces of each of them, I think that my relationship failed because I wasn't strong enough to communicate that I was struggling internally. This in turn projected an image of emotional distance that I think drove her to seek support elsewhere. I was afraid that she'd leave again. I think this was caused by the fact that she had left before for someone else and came back. One of the times that she walked out (about 2.5 years ago) she told me that I had become a "Selfish @zz-ole". I didn't understand that because I am the exact opposite...very self-less....almost to a fault. When I took on the role of provider for US, I also started to internalize my stress, anxiety and emotions because she never wanted to "HEAR IT". SHe told me on a number of occasions when I brought up something that was bothering me, that "Maybe you should go see someone about that?" This really wrecked me inside. The woman that I was sharing my life with (lovingly, financially and emotionally) no longer wanted to or cared to know how I felt. When she was diagnosed with cancer last April, she actually told me that she didn't want me "THERE". That I wasn't the one with cancer, so I shouldn't worry about it. This wrecked me even more. To boot......she would STILL lean on me for everything you could possibly imagine, when conveinient. For the last 8 years of my life, I have lived every day in the best interest of US and our relationship. I always thought about how my decision would affect us both. I struggle with the reason(s) that our relationship has to be at this point? Being told (pushed away) to back off and not be there and yet this being the reason for her to leave and go find someone that has "NO SKIN IN THE GAME" but will pump her up each day, is ruining me. The feelings of inadequacy and guilt are so strong! So my question is this....what can I do to be THE "EVERYTHING" that she needs? I am stuck in a rut where I don't want to lose the most important thing in my life forever, but I can't do anything to even make her listen to me. She won't talk, respond to an email or even acknowledge that I want to be the best person for HER and US. The fact that she has just vanished now for the 3rd time, without warning, conflicting reasoning and without a chance to resolve is tearing me up inside. God help me here...I can't be the perfect man? Edited February 20, 2010 by sotagoon
regular_dude Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 i think you just need to move on man... do you have any kids? if you're not married and have no kids stop wasting your time with someone it will never work out with. pull a 180 let her go and try to rebuild.
Nfoney Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Her leaving has nothing to do with you. You cannot change people. She is leaving you then blaming you for it. If you are a good person she probably thinks she doesn't deserve it or she resents it. She could even have a few skeletons in her closet that is causing her to fly away from time to time. The best advice is for you to leave this relationship behind and start to move on. You may love her but again, if she doesn't want to "listen" then there is nothing that you can do but move on. There is nothing you can to do make any grown person do anything. I speak this from prior knowledge. Good luck.
Gunny376 Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Its not about you ~ cannot you see that? She's selfish and self centered, "Its all about me, me, me and what I want! I want it to be all about me!" Me thinks that in part she ran off this time because of the cancer, to play the "100 things I want to do before I die game!" IMHO she's running scared and running from herself and her life. BTW, if she does come back? I take her down to the local post office and have them use that big 1" rubber stamp and permanent Ink ~ the one that says "DOD" ~ Damaged Upon Delivery!" Again its always the cheaters and the 'dumpers' that have to do an emotional 'beat down' on the one they're cheating on and leaving? Why? To free of them of the guilt for doing so!
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