jb89 Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 (edited) So, it's been around 3 weeks of NC now. I got a text 4 days after I initiated no contact, saying that she needed to talk to me. I ignored, of course, and then it was followed up with a text asking why I was ignoring her, then a sarcastic "Thanks" text. Fast forward to two weeks later, and I just received a text saying "I know you don't give two ****s about me and all, but this text is for my dad." and it said her dad wanted to know what the best software for something would be to get, for his new laptop. He knows that I work a lot with computers, so it's possible that it's a legitimate request I guess. I haven't replied, nor do I think I should. i was always close with her father, and he adored me more than any other boy who had ever been in her life. He told her in front of me after we had an argument, that if she ever did anything to lose me, it would be the biggest mistake she had ever made. The fact that she started the text off saying "I know you don't give two ****s about me and all..." goes hand in hand with me initiating no contact and her still trying to contact me. I really believe that she's not mature enough to understand why I initiated no contact, and that I'm trying to heal, rather than just be a dick by ignoring her. The real problem isn't that I don't give two ****s about her, but rather that I care too much about her. What should I do? I don't want to break NC but I really don't think she comprehends that it's a matter of me NOT not giving two ****s about her. Edited February 19, 2010 by jb89
paleblue Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 i commend you for having the strength to ignore her. you said you dont think you should reply. than dont. it sounds like she is using any trick in the book to get you to respond. using her dad as a reason for some stupid software thing? she could call up any computer store and find out the same thing. it doesnt sound like she is respecting your boundaries. dont break no contact if you feel its better not too. you will jut wind up at square one again and feel like crap about yourself for doing so.
Author jb89 Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 It could very well be breadcrumbs, but I have helped her dad in the past with setting up his home network, and with some other stuff, so he knows that I have knowledge in that field. However, this is just another contribution to me thinking that she really doesn't understand the situation. If she thinks I just don't care...it's the complete opposite of the truth. I really want to make sure she understands that I don't 'not care about her' but rather, the opposite. I really want to convey this to her but I don't want to risk breaking NC. At the same time I don't want to spend the entire time trying to heal, knowing that she doesn't fully understand what I'm doing, but instead, thinking that I'm just "not giving two ****s about her"
jerrytodd Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 It could very well be breadcrumbs, but I have helped her dad in the past with setting up his home network, and with some other stuff, so he knows that I have knowledge in that field. However, this is just another contribution to me thinking that she really doesn't understand the situation. If she thinks I just don't care...it's the complete opposite of the truth. I really want to make sure she understands that I don't 'not care about her' but rather, the opposite. I really want to convey this to her but I don't want to risk breaking NC. At the same time I don't want to spend the entire time trying to heal, knowing that she doesn't fully understand what I'm doing, but instead, thinking that I'm just "not giving two ****s about her" JB89, she needs to understand the full consequences of her decision, so I suggest NC. It cannot hurt to have the pressure from her dad about the poor decision she made. The only message that you want to see is "I made a mistake, lets see what we can do to fix this". Other than that, NC seems appropriate to me. Good luck
skydiveaddict Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Her dad can find someone else to help him. You're doing the right thing
Author jb89 Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 JB89, she needs to understand the full consequences of her decision, so I suggest NC. It cannot hurt to have the pressure from her dad about the poor decision she made. The only message that you want to see is "I made a mistake, lets see what we can do to fix this". Other than that, NC seems appropriate to me. Good luck I fully agree with that being the only message I should want to reply to. Part of the reason we broke up though, was due to her immaturity (thus leading to her decision). This is only more proof to me, that leads me to believe that she doesn't understand, and I'd really like to tell her straight up "You just don't get it. It's not that I don't care about you, it's that I care too much. I'm not entertaining anything you have to say, simply because I'm trying to get over you. Please respect that." Of course, that'd be breaking NC though.
LostInLimbo Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Hey JB, I got sucked into the same BS as you, but you were better then me, I went for it and broke NC, and won't ever do that again, I was rewarded by being given the exit door again, so since my exit in early Jan. I have stayed NC the best I could and feeling better bout it... Kudos to you, keep NC if you can LiL
Author jb89 Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 So you don't think there's any sense in trying to tell her what I said in my previous post, about how it's not a case of me not caring, but rather a case of me trying to heal? I wish she were a bit more mature so she could get it through her head.
LostInLimbo Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Why explain it to her, if you do, you are now putting yourself 2nd and her feelings above yours, do you want to do that and break that NC youv'e worked so hard at? only to put you back to step 1? Up to you, only you can decide...JB LiL
jerrytodd Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 So you don't think there's any sense in trying to tell her what I said in my previous post, about how it's not a case of me not caring, but rather a case of me trying to heal? I wish she were a bit more mature so she could get it through her head. No and why I say that is that the mystery of "why wont he reply" works better than the explanation. In my case we just speak different languages. She is pissed at NC but in no way ever could understand that it hurts to much to connect. Likely the same as your situation. She wants a friend and a backup plan. Dont be that. Stay NC - if it brings you that message you want to hear, congrats, if not, you have not undone the healing process. The longer I have been NC the better it has been. I hope it works for you too.
Author jb89 Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 No and why I say that is that the mystery of "why wont he reply" works better than the explanation. In my case we just speak different languages. She is pissed at NC but in no way ever could understand that it hurts to much to connect. Likely the same as your situation. She wants a friend and a backup plan. Dont be that. Stay NC - if it brings you that message you want to hear, congrats, if not, you have not undone the healing process. The longer I have been NC the better it has been. I hope it works for you too. That's exactly what I needed to hear, so thank you for that. The only thing is, I'm not sure if it's a "mystery" to her or not. I really am convinced that she just thinks that I do not care about her. Then again, at the same time, maybe it's all just a matter of her trying to get me to talk to her. Ugh
Author jb89 Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 Against my better judgment, I was going through and deleting her on secondary social networking sites I had her on. Turns out she's already dating the guy that she was talking to as a 'friend' toward the end of our relationship. He's 23 and she's 16. He's covered in tattoos in piercings and that's apparently the cool thing. I wish I didn't care enough to think about the fact that no 23 year old wants a long term relationship like she is convinced of. Shame to see she's going to get used like that.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 I really am convinced that she just thinks that I do not care about her. I don't think her "two sh*ts" reaction is about hurt, so much as it is about emotional blackmail designed specifically to guilt you into accepting contact. Turns out she's already dating the guy that she was talking to as a 'friend' toward the end of our relationship. Sounds like she is the one who didn't "give two sh*ts" about you. Funny how that "friend" ended up a boyfriend so fast, eh? Keep ignoring, especially now that you know the deal with the "friend". I'm sure her dad knows how to reach you. If it was that important, he'd contact you himself. She is just using that as an excuse.
Author jb89 Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 I don't think her "two sh*ts" reaction is about hurt, so much as it is about emotional blackmail designed specifically to guilt you into accepting contact. Sounds like she is the one who didn't "give two sh*ts" about you. Funny how that "friend" ended up a boyfriend so fast, eh? Keep ignoring, especially now that you know the deal with the "friend". I'm sure her dad knows how to reach you. If it was that important, he'd contact you himself. She is just using that as an excuse. You're right. Ha I wish I could say some of this stuff to her, just to see her reaction. Especially the bit about her being the one who doesn't "give to sh*ts about me" seeing as to how she's already with this guy.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 I don't know that it is a case of "already with the guy" so much as it is she was with him before you broke up, or was at the very least in the planning stages. That is usually how it happens. Talk about not giving two sh*ts!
Author jb89 Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 I don't know that it is a case of "already with the guy" so much as it is she was with him before you broke up, or was at the very least in the planning stages. That is usually how it happens. Talk about not giving two sh*ts! You hit the nail on the head. I have a strong feeling that she was detaching herself towards the end of the relationship. I know she wasn't seeing him, but I do know that she was texting him and stuff. Feels like **** to get played and not be able to do anything about it.
jerrytodd Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Against my better judgment, I was going through and deleting her on secondary social networking sites I had her on. Turns out she's already dating the guy that she was talking to as a 'friend' toward the end of our relationship. He's 23 and she's 16. He's covered in tattoos in piercings and that's apparently the cool thing. I wish I didn't care enough to think about the fact that no 23 year old wants a long term relationship like she is convinced of. Shame to see she's going to get used like that. I'm sorry to hear about that. I have not done a scientific poll but I would say of the threads that are on here that I have responded to, 100% of them have had women leave guys, no explanation, then the guy finds out in some awful way that she already had someone new lined up.
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