Ilovecake Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 A friend of mine is still talking to my ex. We met her at the same time so she was truly our mutual friend. The thing is that her and I have become really close, especially since my breakup. She's explained to me that she likes my ex (as a friend) and I guess I don't really have the right to make her chose between us. She never ever brings him up to me and I know her enough to know that she would never talk about me to him. It does however upset me because my ex didn't really hang out with her or talk to her even half as much as I did when we were still dating. Now that we broke up he's always calling her and trying to make plans with her because he knows it hurts me. I’m a little upset because I saw on her facebook page today that she became “a fan” of his and then she erased it off her newsfeed so I wouldn’t see it. Yes my ex created a fan page for himself. I’m a little upset with her that 1) she actually became a fan of his on there despite knowing it would hurt me and 2.) Tried to hide it from me. Am I in the wrong here to be upset with her? I don’t really want to put her in a awkward position but I feel betrayed. I'm not going to mention this to her because I don't really want anyone to know that it bothers me. He tries to get to me through ourt friends all the time because I refuse to talk to him. I do however want to know if I have the right to feel hurt. P.S. I am not looking at my ex's page. I have him blocked on facebook. This is a fanclub page he created today and you can't block those. The only reason I know he created this page is because I saw it on her newsfeed.
paleblue Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 (edited) i know the uneasy feeling you are talking about. not a good feeling. i think you are justified. usually when your gut is telling you something -it is right. so listen to it. i would be very leary of her and keep your guard up. i would def stop talking to her about him in any way if you are. if she was such a great friend she would know without you having to say anything. Edited February 19, 2010 by paleblue
Author Ilovecake Posted February 19, 2010 Author Posted February 19, 2010 Thank you that really helps. I always question my feelings because I know how irrational one can be when dealing with heartbreak. He hurt me terribly and did some very immoral things throughout our relationship. I wonder knowing this if someone truly cares for me how they could be his "fan".
paleblue Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 exactly... why erase so you wouldn't see? not cool. and of course you can not ask her. would hate to see you get hurt worse by a close "friend" on top of it all. dealing with the pain from an ex is more than enough punishment. keep your guard up. man i hate that feeling ((shaking my head))
Author Ilovecake Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 Just to add I'm not afraid of anything sexual happening between the two of them. He's with someone and she's completely falling head over heels in love with her new boyfriend, but I just think she is one of those girls that needs to be liked by everyone.
McGrupp Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 i think youll be alright. you love cake. thats awesome.
paleblue Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 oh ok that does change the dynamics. was thinking at first sounded like there was a possibility for something going on behind your back. but if that is not the case the only thing i would be leary of is why is she falling for his game calling just to hurt you. i mean she must know. i dont get that. or why would he do that. did you do the dumping?
Author Ilovecake Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 No he completely dumped me for someone else and chose my birth day to do it. The thing is he's a sadistic SOB. He can't stand that I won't chase him and be his buddy. Every few months he messages me with some really stupid question like asking for a recipe or where I think he should get his taxes done. I erase the messages and then he'll go out of his way to get me to notice him. He'll show up at places he knows I'll be or use our mutual frien''s walls on facebook to say something he knows if I saw would upset me. That's why I guess this thing with my friend is so upsetting to me, she knows how hard I'm trying to stay away from him and stay level headed about the whole thing. For her to actually do that is almost rubbing him in my nose. I don't know how much you know about facebook but because it's a "fan" page he could not send her a request for friendship, she had to actually initiate the request.
Author Ilovecake Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 i think youll be alright. you love cake. thats awesome. I think you're absolutely right.
paleblue Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 (edited) on your bday is a real rotten thing to do. he really is messed up if he thinks you are going to want to be friendly after that. what is wrong with him. we have something in common. my ex does the same thing. she is always telling me "it's all good" "we are friends" " you can email me" but i dont. because she is a selfish a** h o l e. just like yours - every few months now i will get an email or when there is some new crisis in her life all the sudden i am important again. she has a bf now so it's not so much lately. im sure when something happens there -we'll be friends again because "it's all good". jerk. id say you are definately affecting his ego by pretending like he doesnt exist. good. it's hard staying level headed about it. but you know its the right thing to do. i still struggle with it hard but i know its the right thing. these people needs to learn a little respect first if that's even possible. ya it is a little rub towards ya i think. i would feel the same. so just be careful with her. she should apologize to you i think. i dont have facebook because she is on there. i know i shouldnt care but it annoys me. Edited February 20, 2010 by paleblue
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