Author MizFit Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 no it wasn't worth it at all in the end. It was a waste of time. I kept coming back because he kept giving me all the same BS lines that I kept falling for: I need you, I'm unhappy with my wife, blah blah blah. And frankly, in the beginning, it was safe and easy. I knew he was a sure thing. Later, my self esteem was so crushed by the constant reminder that I was second best, that I didn't think anyone would want me as their one and only. It was only when I got so miserable in the A that being alone was better than the crap. But back to the d day thread, I really wished I had asked sooner. But the closest I could get was him telling me that if there was a d day, he wouldn't throw me under the bus. I guess I held onto that since I wasn't yet ready for the real truth. And I think a lot of OW aren't ready for the real truth. I think that's what makes my A so unique. MM has said from day 1 that he wasn't looking for something that would take him away from his M...no matter how many times I might ask him he's never lied or changed his thoughts. Does this mean I don't believe him when he says he loves me and demean what we have...not at all. It wasn't what we expected in many respects, but it is what it is and we both are aware of it. At one point it won't be and then we'll have some tough times ahead...no matter what goes on the love is intense and a goodbye, for any reason, is painful and sad. As my grandmother said one time...the more pain at the end means the feeling in the middle.
Fallen Angel Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 You sound to scripted ..U are trying to hard to convince yourself or maybe others you are content with being the OW. After reading your "Dear Him" post someone posted in another thread I'm just not buying what you are selling above, not that it matters what I think. Just throwing it out there. Since i am not selling anything, it is a good thing you aren't buying anything, that would just be foolish. Scripted? Hardly. LOL. I just refuse to allow you or anyone else to try to convince me or anyone reading this that I am "second best" when I know that I am anything but. Your attempts at insulting me are failing you, so you respond by calling me a liar? Typical. I have never posted a word about myself or my relationship that i do not believe one hundred percent. And that is something you can take to the bank.
Angel1111 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Can I add a question too? How many D-days does the OP have to have before they realize that the MP isn't going anywhere any time soon? I agree with this. If he didn't leave after the first D-day, then after that he starts to look like a guy who just wants to cheat on his wife. When I was with xMM, there was never a D-day but after nearly 5 yrs, I felt like he needed to make a decision. Since he seemed to make the decision to stay with his wife because he continued to stay, I ended the relationship. The fact that he continued to try to get me back after that without leaving his marriage changed my attitude toward him. After awhile, it becomes an insult that a MM continues to pursue you.
jennie-jennie Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I'm not sure if this is a T/J, but just out of interest how many OW have actually asked their MM what will happen if there is a d-day? If he says the A will end or that the A will go further underground, what is your attitude to that? How many MM have said they will leave their wife if there is a d-day? Do OW need to be feeling "brave" to even ask such a question? My MM and I have discussed an eventual Dday and what that would bring around numerous times. We have discussed the possibility of him throwing me under the bus and what we believe that does and does not signify. Short said, we have pretty much discussed every aspect of a Dday we could think of.
Fallen Angel Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 My MM and I have discussed an eventual Dday and what that would bring around numerous times. We have discussed the possibility of him throwing me under the bus and what we believe that does and does not signify. Short said, we have pretty much discussed every aspect of a Dday we could think of. My Sweetheart and I have also discussed what will happen at another D-day. He will no more throw me under a bus on a new D-day than he did the first, which was not at all. He was more concerned about my well-being that day than anything else that was going on, as he feared my now xH (who I was only separated from at the time) would physically harm me. He answered his wife's questions about me and our relationship honestly.. although a few days later he did tell her that he had ended the affair, as the constant fights between them were making things very ugly at their house. (And because my now xH had spoken with Sweetheart's adult daughter about the affair.. and so it was not allowed to simply stay between the two of them.) In order to return some semblance of peace, he said the affair had ended. She now knows this to be a fallacy, but they both maintain the appearance for the sake of the children, both grown and minor. As to a "new D-day" he has said he believes that when she brings it up again, and he is honest with her again, it will be the end of the marriage. At this point, I believe he is just hoping that it does not happen until the minor child is grown.
Author MizFit Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 My Sweetheart and I have also discussed what will happen at another D-day. He will no more throw me under a bus on a new D-day than he did the first, which was not at all. He was more concerned about my well-being that day than anything else that was going on, as he feared my now xH (who I was only separated from at the time) would physically harm me. He answered his wife's questions about me and our relationship honestly.. although a few days later he did tell her that he had ended the affair, as the constant fights between them were making things very ugly at their house. (And because my now xH had spoken with Sweetheart's adult daughter about the affair.. and so it was not allowed to simply stay between the two of them.) In order to return some semblance of peace, he said the affair had ended. She now knows this to be a fallacy, but they both maintain the appearance for the sake of the children, both grown and minor. As to a "new D-day" he has said he believes that when she brings it up again, and he is honest with her again, it will be the end of the marriage. At this point, I believe he is just hoping that it does not happen until the minor child is grown. FA...you know I've been an admirer of yours for a while now, but I have a question. It may sound stupid, however as a teacher once told me 'any question you don't know the answer to is not a stupid one'...if the W is aware of the A and the phone calls and visits, how can there be another DDay? If she just got fed up with it and kicked him out it sounds as though there really isn't anything further to reveal. Please forgive my ignorance...I just can't put the pieces together on that one. It seems that she's settled for what she has and so has he...that when the minor child grows up they either part or they remain settled (or you leave), but it would seem nothing will change till then because there are no secrets. Thanks and sorry if I'm just being thick!
Fallen Angel Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 FA...you know I've been an admirer of yours for a while now, but I have a question. It may sound stupid, however as a teacher once told me 'any question you don't know the answer to is not a stupid one'...if the W is aware of the A and the phone calls and visits, how can there be another DDay? If she just got fed up with it and kicked him out it sounds as though there really isn't anything further to reveal. Please forgive my ignorance...I just can't put the pieces together on that one. It seems that she's settled for what she has and so has he...that when the minor child grows up they either part or they remain settled (or you leave), but it would seem nothing will change till then because there are no secrets. Thanks and sorry if I'm just being thick! Which is why I put the term "new D-day" in quotes. It is nothing new.. so like you say, nothing to discover. We all know the score right now. Right now, we all just do our thing. *shrug* Like you said everyone has accepted it for what it is right now.. so what i mean by D-day is just if there is another explosive event due to the affair. The discovery is not the issue, just if she can deal with it or not.
Author MizFit Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 Which is why I put the term "new D-day" in quotes. It is nothing new.. so like you say, nothing to discover. We all know the score right now. Right now, we all just do our thing. *shrug* Like you said everyone has accepted it for what it is right now.. so what i mean by D-day is just if there is another explosive event due to the affair. The discovery is not the issue, just if she can deal with it or not. Ok...gotcha. So basically if she loses her temper with something or they end up in some sort of confrontation about it or something around it and it sets off things again. I'm with you now...thanks for that...
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