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And there she was... only ~7ft in front of me

bananaboat11

By bananaboat11
in Coping

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bananaboat11 Established Member

bananaboat11

Posted
Posted (edited)

So only one LSer with whom I'm friend with off this lovely site knows this so far...

 

I went to a local coffee shop last night that has an open mic night that invites music artists from around the area to come in and perform. I joined a girl I've been hanging out with / casually dating... it was nice. She was happy to see me... I was happy to see her. Ran into a bunch of other friends and the night was going really well.

 

Come the end of the night (@ ~10pm...) she got up and there she was.. with that asshat of a former ex she dumped (same douche who cheated on her for the last 2 of their 4 year relationship) and got into a 'rebound relationship' with me... I don't think they saw me, but wtf was she doing with him HERE? She knows I live in this area... he lives 45 mins away from this area and she's from Long Island, NY... why come here?! Regardless.. I can't care. I don't think they saw me... and I didn't act on any impulse... as much as I wanted to... the impulses were non-existant. If that makes any sense.

 

Yeah, I cried later... but it was a much needed cry. Made me realize I'm sure I did everything right... I was nothing more than a rebound for a sick, sad, depressed, low self esteem girl who was abused in her past (a girl I dumped twice b/c she was toxic and abusive).. but took back.

 

My fault is TAKING action and faltering not once, but twice... and taking her back only setting myself up for hurt.

 

I'm getting better each day.. slowly...

 

I am the winner in this case. The one thing I need to improve on is to be a stronger partner and lover... I did NOT deserve the things done to me, but I walked into them foolishly.

 

I hope people read my story... recognize what I did, yet did not.. and get out before they end up like me. :love:

Edited by bananaboat11
sunrae Established Member

sunrae

Posted
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Good for you BB,

Sounds like you are getting stronger everyday.

Good for you for knowing what you need to work on and making the effort to make positive changes.. Good for you for moving forward.

 

Horray for BB. :bunny:

coltsfan1 Established Member

coltsfan1

Posted
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BB i know how you feel, a million what if go through your head, but you will never know the answer too. Sounds like you had a good evening and handled the situation correctly. SO GOOD FOR YOU!! Just keep doing what your doing.

Dark_of_the_Moon Established Member

Dark_of_the_Moon

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Posted

BB You are the best....you are an inspiration. *hugs*

I am so proud of you.

MySweetie'sGone Established Member

MySweetie'sGone

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Oh my Rob! Good job on handling the situation. And open mic nights are loads of fun! I usually do spoken word.

 

Btw...now you know that karma is going to come around. If she's back with the guy who cheated on her...odds are it'll happen again.

Dream Brother Member

Dream Brother

Posted
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I was nothing more than a rebound for a sick, sad, depressed, low self esteem girl who was abused in her past (a girl I dumped twice b/c she was toxic and abusive).. but took back.

 

Sounds like it's your self esteem you should be looking at. In your words, you took back 'a sick, sad, depressed, low self esteem girl.' And this knowing you were a rebound?

 

How long was the relationship?

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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I've said all I need to say to you about this.

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bananaboat11 Established Member

bananaboat11

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Sounds like it's your self esteem you should be looking at. In your words, you took back 'a sick, sad, depressed, low self esteem girl.' And this knowing you were a rebound?

 

How long was the relationship?

 

4.5 months. not long enough that I should care... i'm just hurt how it ended.

 

i fell for her at the end, too.

 

oops @ me.

 

 

 

I've said all I need to say to you about this.

 

 

you would be 1/3 LSers I am friends with off the site that know :p

McGrupp Established Member

McGrupp

Posted
Posted

i think you shouldve gone up and introduced yourself to the bf. been like "hows my dick taste?

GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

Posted
Posted
I was nothing more than a rebound for a sick, sad, depressed, low self esteem girl who was abused in her past (a girl I dumped twice b/c she was toxic and abusive).. but took back.

 

My fault is TAKING action and faltering not once, but twice... and taking her back only setting myself up for hurt.

 

 

So the questions that stands out are:

 

What things about you that was drawn to that type of girl? Why did you confused abuse with love? Where did you learn this?

 

And finally what are you doing to address those issue in you and how are you developing new behavior patterns to keep from repeating hurting yourself in the future?

McGrupp Established Member

McGrupp

Posted
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have you been pining longer then the actual relationship lasted?

 

thats intriguing...

Dream Brother Member

Dream Brother

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4.5 months. not long enough that I should care... i'm just hurt how it ended.

 

i fell for her at the end, too.

 

oops @ me.

 

Very honest of you. You could have been a 'dick' to me for asking so bluntly and for suggesting this is about you and that you might have issues. But you didn't. Good luck Rob, I hope you can work this out in your head and heart, your awareness is commendable. Sorry this had to happen to you, I know it's tough.

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bananaboat11 Established Member

bananaboat11

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whatever...

 

**** this all. i'm done.

 

peace.

GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

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Are those question asked too difficult to address?

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bananaboat11 Established Member

bananaboat11

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Are those question asked too difficult to address?

 

 

No.

 

I learned from my last experience... girls who are pretty, insecure, depressed girls... find the first guy that they're physically attracted to that happens to be 'weak' and when i say weak.. no attachment to another women.. so they're free and easily seduced. They take advantage of this man (in my case.. me LOL) and destroy him emotionally until they can walk on their own 2 feet again and move on with their lives like nothing happened.

 

All we can do, if we're in this situation, is learn to recognize AND see the red flags... see these women for who they truly are and move on. Do not expect an "I'm sorry" or some apologetic closure... nope. you won't get it. find closure within. Find your sense of self.. sense of worth and be proud of what you have going in your life that's good.

 

I hated myself, but I learned to cope.. and to move on.

 

now I'm back to the fun loving, confident, goofy, banana loving self I used to be. I stopped dying my hair... and now... I'm me. working out.. eating.. sleeping... studying... social as usual. it's nice.

 

i dont' want to hear from my ex. i don't expect to hear from my ex. but I won't date again until i know I'm 100% again.. to not carry baggage into my next relationship.

 

good luck

GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

Posted
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No.

 

I learned from my last experience... girls who are pretty, insecure, depressed girls... find the first guy that they're physically attracted to that happens to be 'weak' and when i say weak.. no attachment to another women.. so they're free and easily seduced. They take advantage of this man (in my case.. me LOL) and destroy him emotionally until they can walk on their own 2 feet again and move on with their lives like nothing happened.

 

That makes you sound like a victim, and giving away your power unable to control the next time your "weak". Maybe if you would choose to persue those questions you will find that your alot stronger then you think.

McGrupp Established Member

McGrupp

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i got a sorry. some other things. a dinner. some emails. a couple of texts.

 

didnt help much. how bout a sticky note, that said "im sorry" with all my stuff in a box.

 

that was nice of her.

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bananaboat11 Established Member

bananaboat11

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That makes you sound like a victim, and giving away your power unable to control the next time your "weak". Maybe if you would choose to persue those questions you will find that your alot stronger then you think.

 

 

I was weak and I gave in. And personally... the way she treated me... the way she used me... the way she lied to me (even if they all weren't lies AT THE TIME...) I feel victimized.

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bananaboat11 Established Member

bananaboat11

Posted
  • Author
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i got a sorry. some other things. a dinner. some emails. a couple of texts.

 

didnt help much. how bout a sticky note, that said "im sorry" with all my stuff in a box.

 

that was nice of her.

 

 

That's sweet. I'll never get any of that. I don't know if I want it anymore.

McGrupp Established Member

McGrupp

Posted
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u dont want it. listen every time i broke NC it wa slike i was talking to a stranger (I WOULD SAY SOMEWHERE AFTER A MONTH).

 

this was best friend for 3.5 years. also lover

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bananaboat11 Established Member

bananaboat11

Posted
  • Author
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u dont want it. listen every time i broke NC it wa slike i was talking to a stranger (I WOULD SAY SOMEWHERE AFTER A MONTH).

 

this was best friend for 3.5 years. also lover

 

 

don't know what i want anymore.

 

after last night, i'm feeling depressed again, but **** it. i don't want anyone's sympathy.

 

i just want to be alone

GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

Posted
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I was weak and I gave in. And personally... the way she treated me... the way she used me... the way she lied to me (even if they all weren't lies AT THE TIME...) I feel victimized.

 

But where did that weakness come from?

 

Even if you were victimized, you can make sure it does not happen again. Again push to ask yourself:

 

What things about you that was drawn to that type of girl?

 

Why did you confused abuse with love? Where did you learn this?

 

And finally what are you doing to address those issue in you and how are you developing new behavior patterns to keep from repeating hurting yourself in the future?

  • 2 weeks later...
GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

Posted
Posted

BananaBoat are you still looking for answer to those question? ^

Rearden Metal Established Member

Rearden Metal

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i think you shouldve gone up and introduced yourself to the bf. been like "hows my dick taste?

 

HA! I'm so doing this should I ever bump into my ex with a guy.

GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

Posted
Posted
HA! I'm so doing this should I ever bump into my ex with a guy.

 

 

Careful he may say small...

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