jeb2736 Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 The other day my bf of 8 months told me that he was confused about his feelings for me, ie. whether he loves me as his best friends or is still in love with me as well. He says that he still wants to be together, just take it slower and act as though we are 'dating' again. I am his first gf, and i know that it is normal for love to change once the honeymoon stage is over and we become more familiar with each other. I don't think he sees this (if this is indeed the problem), and I'm worried that he expects our relationship to be just as exciting and novel as in the first couple of months and he will give up when it doesnt end up like this. He says that we need to rekindle our love etc, how should I go about doing this? I'm sure he still loves me, he's been very stressed out lately with things outside our relationship and this might be putting everything out of perspective. Has anyone else had feelings like this? Is it normal? Advice would be appreciated
skyhilee Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 I too am kind of in a similar situation. I actually just posted a thread about it. It is a little different because we have been dating a lot longer than you have, but my boyfriend just recently told me he is going through a weird time and is very confused because he feels like he loves me, but isn't sure he is in love with me anymore. This really took me by surprise. We live together and I agree with you that it is hard to realize the honeymoon stage is over and loves shifts to a different place. I know I'm my boyfriend's best friend. We do everything together and are always in constant contact with each other. I think it is hard for guys to accept the fact that love does move more into a companionship. Not to say that all the fun stuff can't still happen, but the lust/butterfly stuff can't last forever. Do you feel like he is pulling away at all? Does he still hold/kiss you without it feeling forced?
Author jeb2736 Posted February 19, 2010 Author Posted February 19, 2010 Thanks for the reply and i hope everything works out for you. He had been pulling away both physically and emotionally for the past couple of weeks, but i think that may have also been due to the stressors he was facing outside our relationship and the confusion was just making things worse. But since he told me how he felt, he was very affectionate, just like normal, which is a good sign i guess. He says that he wants to work things out between us to find the spark again and he needs time and patience - im hoping so much that this is just the nature of our love changing as it does for all couples as they become closer to each other on a personal level, but he is so stubborn sometimes, i dont know how to make him see that this is the case. I just dont want to lose my relationship over what might just be him misinterpretting his feelings. I'm trying to be as optimistic as i can, but its very difficult sometimes
skyhilee Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 I'm right there with you! I'm really struggling with it. I don't want to put too much pressure on him because I do want to give him time because it seems like that is what he needs, but I just really, really always want to bring it up because it just eats at me. I'm just so sure of my feelings, so it makes it hard when you think about him questioning his. We too also decided when we did talk about it that we wanted to try and make it work and I know he just feels confused. I just need to bring it up again soon just to see where we stand because this being in limbo is driving me crazy! I hope everything works out for you too! Let me know if things change. Have you brought it up a lot since the initial talk?
Author jeb2736 Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 We are going to have a talk tonight and try and work out how to approach this, in terms of slowing down, having a more fun and happy relationship. I went to his mum's retirement BBQ party last night and decided to stay over because this is what we usually do. All through th party, my bf was very affectionate (hugging, kissing etc) and we got along great, just like in the start. We were very passionate that night, moreso than we had been in a long time. Confusing, because it seemed like everything was normal but i knew he was not feeling like everything was normal. I asked him the next morning whether we were like that because he was trying to coax out his feelings, he said he acted on the way he felt and he wanted to be together. Later in the morning, he started to withdraw again because he was thinking about having to visit with his father this afternoon (with whom he has a very poor relationship). His father is visiting for 2 weeks and leaves on friday, and my bf will be very glad to see him go. Do you think maybe this stress is adding to his mixed feelings? He also faces a lot of pressure from his mother in all parts of his life. I think you and your partner should discuss how you want the relationship to progress during this time, so you are on the same page. Making plans to do fun light-hearted things like movies and the beach might help take the strain off if you enjoy each other's company without pressure Stay positive and try to keep your man's spirts up
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