Are these considered red flags?

[conehead]

Are these considered red flags?

 

1) Started talking to guy early January. Met him in person mid Jan where I found out he got out of a 2 month relationship basically 2 days before he started talking to me.

2) I asked him if he still talks to his ex, and he said 'I try not to.'

3) One time we were chatting on IM and at 5:30pm he said he's signing off to go home from work but said he will be back later to chat with me until 9pm (since I was working until 9pm that night). I worked until 9pm but he never signed back on like he said he will. I never asked him why and he never told me why he never signed back on.

 

I'm sure there are more but I can't think of them right now. I will post more when I can think of them. So what do you all think?

Edited February 18, 2010 by conehead

[whichwayisup]

1) Yes.

2) Yes.

3) Possibly, but life does happen.

 

2 out of 3 is not good.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would tell this guy goodbye. To get involved with someone who probably isn't over their ex (very recent break up) only means YOU will get hurt.

 

You haven't invested alot into him, seeing as it's not even been 2 months.

 

Is he worth it? This is what you need to ask yourself.

 

I say, be honest and tell him flat out that you are feeling uneasy and he needs time to get over his gf before pursuing something with you.

[Rulebreaker]

I don't think any of these are true red flags, but I do think you should keep your distance and take things very slow. Rules say avoid IMing entirely. If you must IM never initiate and take at least a few seconds between responses.

[conehead]

1) Yes.

2) Yes.

3) Possibly, but life does happen.

 

2 out of 3 is not good.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would tell this guy goodbye. To get involved with someone who probably isn't over their ex (very recent break up) only means YOU will get hurt.

 

You haven't invested alot into him, seeing as it's not even been 2 months.

 

Is he worth it? This is what you need to ask yourself.

 

I say, be honest and tell him flat out that you are feeling uneasy and he needs time to get over his gf before pursuing something with you.

 

 

1) and 2) both occurred on our first date right. I did get the sense he wasn't over his ex but their relationship only lasted 2 months (from when they first met to when they broke up.

 

A week ago, he admitted to me that when we first met that he probably could have used more time to get over his ex but that that their breakup was mutual, that he felt it wasnt right (despite what he said I feel as if she was the one who dumped him). But he said that after he's met me for 2 weeks that he stopped thinking of his ex and stopped going out on other dates because he think I'm incredible/awesome. If I wanted a relationship, he would love to go out with me. Do I believe him or did he just say all this to win me over?? I mean, could his so called feelings for me just be because he needed a distraction from his ex? He claims I'm important to him and that his feelings for me are real, that it's not something hes ever used to feeling? Eventhough his RS with his ex was only 2 months, are these classic signs that he is rebounding??

 

As for 3), well I think what bothers me is that he didn't do what he was going to say. I mean he should be trying to impress me so early in the dating stage. If he does that already right now, who knows how he will be if we do date seriously.

 

As of now, I told him why I can't date him, and he's been trying to win me over. However, I've told him no repeatedly mainly because I have so many doubts with him.

Edited February 18, 2010 by conehead

[Stung]

Are these considered red flags?

 

1) Started talking to guy early January. Met him in person mid Jan where I found out he got out of a 2 month relationship basically 2 days before he started talking to me.

2) I asked him if he still talks to his ex, and he said 'I try not to.'

3) One time we were chatting on IM and at 5:30pm he said he's signing off to go home from work but said he will be back later to chat with me until 9pm (since I was working until 9pm that night). I worked until 9pm but he never signed back on like he said he will. I never asked him why and he never told me why he never signed back on.

 

I'm sure there are more but I can't think of them right now. I will post more when I can think of them. So what do you all think?

 

 

1. If he was 2 days out of a 2 year relationship, big red flag. 2 months, not so much, IMO. It never had time to get serious or turn into some important commitment/deep emotional entanglement.

 

2. Meh. Could go either way, not enough information. Hopefully he wasn't totally insensitive about breaking it off with her, and is just trying to be cordial while firmly wrapping up any loose ends, perhaps she's being a trifle clingy.

 

3. Yes, it would be for me. I expect dates to treat me with common courtesy, i.e. call/show up when they say they will, and if they fail to meet an appointment they should apologize and explain themselves to let me know what's up. However, there is responsibility here on your side, too. Some people have different codes of conduct and different expectations of the early stages of relationships, and YOU teach others how to treat you. If you want to make it clear to him that you have expectations of him, then make it clear. Tell him you are upset that he didn't show when he said he would, and ask him why he seemed to avoid acknowledging it, then let it go. If he does it again, it's a problem.

[conehead]

1. If he was 2 days out of a 2 year relationship, big red flag. 2 months, not so much, IMO. It never had time to get serious or turn into some important commitment/deep emotional entanglement.

 

2. Meh. Could go either way, not enough information. Hopefully he wasn't totally insensitive about breaking it off with her, and is just trying to be cordial while firmly wrapping up any loose ends, perhaps she's being a trifle clingy.

 

3. Yes, it would be for me. I expect dates to treat me with common courtesy, i.e. call/show up when they say they will, and if they fail to meet an appointment they should apologize and explain themselves to let me know what's up. However, there is responsibility here on your side, too. Some people have different codes of conduct and different expectations of the early stages of relationships, and YOU teach others how to treat you. If you want to make it clear to him that you have expectations of him, then make it clear. Tell him you are upset that he didn't show when he said he would, and ask him why he seemed to avoid acknowledging it, then let it go. If he does it again, it's a problem.

 

1. I agree it was only 2 months, so i guess it could be fine.

 

2. But this concerns me because I believe that SHE dumped him, hence it worries me that he 'tries not to talk to her.' Perhaps he talks to her cuz he still has feelings for her.

 

3. I know what you mean.

[meerkat stew]

None of those are red flags. I don't even know if the word "relationship" applies to dating for two months unless they basically started very frequent contact the second they met. As for the IM, it's not a red flag, but a sign of low interest level.

[conehead]

bump....

 

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