Author Woggle Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 You keep saying it is possible to have a happy marriage.. So, where does your wife fit into all this now? Are you saying that you're not happy in your marriage? Or are you talking generally speaking believing in marriage period. Sorry I'm abit confused. CBTCBTCBTCBT! You haven't acknowledged this yet..Are you considering it? It is possible and I believe we have a very happy marriage but I don't want to be one of those men who thought that only to find she fell out of love a year ago. You can't tell me that doesn't happen quite often. I will look into because something has to give or else I will just repeat this cycle.
whichwayisup Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 The thing is, yes..Marriage can be taking a chance. But, if you and your wife BOTH have communication, and don't bottle stuff up, have genuine love and respect for one another, you treat her well, she treats you well, you both make special time for another, your marriage will be great! If either of you neglect one another, or let other crap get in the way, stop communicating, stop making that effort, THAT is when one or both spouses distance themselves and slowly (without realizing it) detach and grow apart, get used to life's daily routines and become roommates. And then if not, both, one will fall out of love. It happens, sadly.. I do believe you love your wife, alot. And, MOST of what you feel, fear and worry about is losing her. Rightfully so due to your past. BUT, you can and will work through your issues, by talking it out on here and getting that CBT. I've noticed a huge difference already with you, you're opening your eyes to seeing that things CAN be okay.. Just try your best, when you see a thread about man hating, or something that might trigger you - DON'T read it.. Go read and post on another type of thread, something that makes you reach out and help someone in a positive way. Or a fun thread, where you can laugh and put the negativeness out of your head. Being active and aware, stopping and thinking "Hmm, do I really need to go read that manhating thread? All It's going to do is piss me off and get me going into a tailspin, so NO. I won't!" You can work through this, it'll take time and alot of work, but the end result is soooo worth it!
Author Woggle Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 I had a talk with my friend today and we made up. I am invited back to the wedding but if I mess up again I am out for good. I actually needed to hear it in no uncertain terms from somebody I cared about to see what I am doing to my life. His soon to be wife seems like a good woman as well and I know he has good judgment. He saw what my ex was about from day one. It really is a chore sometimes not to slip into bitterness but I will give it my best effort this time.
elaina Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 How do you do it? I know the way I think is not healthy but I keep going back to it because it is the only way I know how to protect myself. Here are some questions. How do see your friends getting used and abused over and over by the opposite sex without it affecting your view? How do you constantly hear members of the opposite sex bragging about mistreating people and not let it affect you? How do you constantly see misery in the relationships around you mostly caused by the opposite sex and not let it affect how you view your relationship? How do resist the urge to throw some dirt right back in the other direction when you see and hear people kicking dirt on your gender and trashing them? How do you avoid getting angry when you are told that everything you gone through at the hands of a member of the opposite sex is deserved because it is time for payback and evening the score? This is not a thread justifying how I feel because I know how unhealthy and wrong it is but it is so hard not to. It is really hard to look at the opposite sex in a positive light when I see these things everyday. For those who manage not to let bitterness consume them how do you do it? This question is for both genders as well. Hello Woggle, I was bitter, but I feel I have gotten over my bitterness by changing my attitude and outlook. That takes a conscious decision to not dwell on the past and to enjoy life in the present, and look forward to the future. Used and abused friends: focus on their blessings, like their talents or good memories with them... don't judge all people of gender by the gender's "worst" For example, it wouldn't be good for a woman whose best friend was raped to say and think all men are evil perverted rapists, because that's not true. There are many good men out there/ Braggers: Look at their insecurities... braggers need to brag because they are feeling they are lacking something... most people who brag are trying to prove they're worthwhile by voicing their "accomplishments", even those who are bragging about something good, as opposed to something bad such as mistreating people. Those who are truly good at something don't need to say it... others says it for them... like, "Wow, you did great." Or "He is such a great swimmer." Those who brag about mistreating people either have had very bad role models in their life, are trying to fit in somehow, or have a mean streak that shows their priorities are ... Misery of others: Focus on your marriage, not on others. Each person and each couple is responsible for themselves, not for anybody else's relationship. Dirt: Don't stoop to their level. Deserved: Understand they aren't the judge and their opinion is just that, their opinion. Just because someone thinks something doesn't mean that it's true. Enjoy life. Don't let them steal your zeal for life and your love for your wife. (Lol, I didn't mean to make that rhyme.)
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