JackJack Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 What is your take on people who only surround themselves with people who tell them what they want to hear, and to make them feel constantly validated for how they feel? Yes I know we all want to feel validated at times, but I mean constantly, like they need to feel validated for others making them feel like crap, even though thats not always the case, but thats the way they see it to be. My wife brought this up to me last night, saying there was a lady at her work who was like this. She didn't like drama but yet she was all up in it, creating it herself most of the time. My wife even said she thinks she is completely unaware that she creates her own drama but then turns it on others and says its their fault. She seems to be a fault finder type of person. She doesn't nothing wrong, and its always someone else who has done or said something wrong. If there is any type of drama at all, she will tell her friends or even drop old friends and make new ones to tell her sob stories too. When she hooks them and they believe her in how she feels and they agree with all she says, she seems happy. My wife was telling me too, if you tell her anything she doesn't want to hear, no matter how long you have been friends with her, no matter what you say or how you say it, she will drop you like a hot potato then blame you for making her feel bad. Then she will make a new friend to replace the one she dropped and the process starts all over again, until someone else might tell her something she feels isn't right or a threat, even if it were truthful. Its kind of like she lives her life as a victim or something. Anyway, thought on this?
Meaplus3 Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 What is your take on people who only surround themselves with people who tell them what they want to hear, and to make them feel constantly validated for how they feel? Yes I know we all want to feel validated at times, but I mean constantly, like they need to feel validated for others making them feel like crap, even though thats not always the case, but thats the way they see it to be. My first thought would be that they lack self esteem. But then on the other hand, it's very possible that they are simply just sensitive by nature. My wife brought this up to me last night, saying there was a lady at her work who was like this. She didn't like drama but yet she was all up in it, creating it herself most of the time. I think there is a huge diff between drama and self validation. Some people just get a fix off drama.. that's the way I see it anyway. My wife was telling me too, if you tell her anything she doesn't want to hear, no matter how long you have been friends with her, no matter what you say or how you say it, she will drop you like a hot potato then blame you for making her feel bad. Anyway, thought on this? Then in this case, it sounds as though she may have issues with becoming close to others. Just some thoughts for you to ponder. Mea:)
counterman Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I have a friend who is similar to that in a way. He is actually one of my closest friends. His views would be shared freely with the rest of my friends and he would have no trouble articulating any thought he had. However, if someone else shared an opinion that didn't correlate with his, he would aggressively ram his authority into others and you either have to stay quiet and let him be or argue more and it'll never end. He needs people to agree with him so he feels validated. This stems partly from that the fact that he didn't get much appreciation for his efforts at school from his mother or any specific recognition from teachers. He's still my friend and I accept him for who he is, without having to agree with everything he says. As for the woman you describe, she does sound as thought she's lacking... something in her life. I don't really know what to make of it. In saying that, I've never really warmed to people who get their "confidence" from putting down others or blaming others.
Art_Critic Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 (edited) I have always found that those types of people are also the same ones that like to create wedges amongst their coworkers and in general those people do more harm in the workplace than good.. They are the ones that tell things they overhear to others when they should just keep quiet.. they want to create that drama.. They are very destructive in the workplace.. we have had several here and even years after they have left workers will still bring up about how nice it is to have them not here anymore because of all the drama and general wedging they created. We had one bookkeeper here that would try and pit 2 employees against one another for fun.. Even if you don't see the wedging.. it does exist because otherwise the drama would just die out. Edited February 18, 2010 by Art_Critic
blair08 Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 IMO, your wife's co-worker sounds kind of immature, its like high school games or something. It also sounds like not only is she possibly lacking some self esteem, but maybe she is also lacking attention, therefore she is attention seeking, by creating her own drama, turning it on others, dropping people that do not agree with her or wont validate her "woe is me" victim role. Its been my experience that people who are are like this, don't just do this in one place, so not only does she probably act like this at work, but she probably lives her life like this as well.
freestyle Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 The co-worker does sound like a drama addict. "Oh, just watch my puppets dance.What fun...." Your wife would be wise to steer clear,people like that can never be true friends.Anything you confide in them will eventually be used against you. IMO, it's best not to give them any ammunition whatsoever.
blind_otter Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 She sounds like she is probably insecure, which is why she needs validation, and also bored or feeling empty in some way in her personal of professional life, which leads to pot-stirring. She can't handle criticism because she is sensitive. What a fun combination of traits... This is why working in offices creeps me out. It breeds this sort of weird obsessive interaction between people who would not always normally associate.
Author JackJack Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 Thanks for the replies. So I wonder what causes a person to become overly sensitive to things then, and to read to much into things and assumes? Thankfully my wife isn't real close with her, just works together. Most of the time my wife will just listen to her ramble on, but she doesn't say anything for fear she might go off the deep end or read to much into something. They are also in each other friends list on FB but my wife rarely posts things on there, but she did say this co worker up dates her status like every minute. The worst status about drama the more people she seems to flock to her page to offer her their support. Its almost comical, yet sad too.
Meaplus3 Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Thanks for the replies. So I wonder what causes a person to become overly sensitive to things then, and to read to much into things and assumes? It's one thing to be sensitive.. but beign overly sensitve is probably due to a self esteem issue. It's like the type of person who always feels they are beign bullied or attacked.. when that's not the case at all. Mea:)
threebyfate Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 JJ, it depends on who she rejects. You'll find that it's annoying when you know people aren't looking out for your best interests, just wanting to hurt, harm or "expose". If she can handle advice from people who you know, are close to her and mean her well, that's okay. External validation is nice, to a degree. If it's all-encompassing, where it becomes like a succubus need, then it's a problem. It's actually one of the primary traits of a cheater. That and selfishness.
Author JackJack Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 (edited) JJ, it depends on who she rejects. You'll find that it's annoying when you know people aren't looking out for your best interests, just wanting to hurt, harm or "expose". If she can handle advice from people who you know, are close to her and mean her well, that's okay. External validation is nice, to a degree. If it's all-encompassing, where it becomes like a succubus need, then it's a problem. It's actually one of the primary traits of a cheater. That and selfishness. Its to my understanding that alot of the people she rejects are the ones that mean well and she takes things the wrong way and then perceives things as a personal attack when its not. My wife says she listens to her complain about her kids, husband, mother, mother in law, you name it, its always someone elses fault. Edited February 18, 2010 by JackJack
threebyfate Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Its to my understanding that alot of the people she rejects are the ones that mean well and she takes things the wrong way and then perceives things as a personal attack when its not.I've experienced some things on LS, from individuals who I know intended harm, due to previous patterns of behaviour whether overtly, or covertly through the abuse of the alert button, by baiting and then reporting, or just finding every, single possible transgression and reporting it. The same thing could be happening to this woman at your wife's work. Or it might not be. It's reliant on perception, as well as how honest others are being, when they state they mean her well. The longer I stay on LS, the more I realize how people are full of it.
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