BG1985 Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 I think a lot of guys who write about how women run for the hills the moment they show emotion tend to understate what it is they do. I bet a lot of these guys fall in love after one month of knowing the girl and show too much emotion way too quickly. Having been on the receiving end of this behavior from a girl or two, I can say it doesn't feel good. It also makes me question every little thing they do and makes me wonder if they are crazy. It is true that some girls love the chase, but they also love receiving affection as well. When a guy spills his feelings on a girl, how she reacts will depend on how she feels about the guy. If she really likes him, she'll respond positively. If she's feeling so-so about the guy, she'll have second thoughts. If she's not THAT into the guy, she'll be run for the hills. So don't think of it as though you screwed up by telling her how you feel. It probably wasn't going to work anyway since the two of you had differing levels of interest.
Mr White Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 All the new options available to both men and women these days is not a mere illusion. I'll use my parents and grandparents as examples (currently I'm 24). All of my grandparents came from small towns. Only one of my grandfathers went to college, and I'm not sure if either of my grandmothers went to college. Both universities and the workplace were male-dominated entities back in the day. Therefore the most obvious place to have met your spouse at the time was someone you knew from high school, church, or being shipped around for mandatory military service. Not as many women sought education after high school and even fewer had a meaningful role in the work force. With respect to my parents, more women went to college at the time so school was a much more viable option for meeting potential spouses. On top of that, women were starting to enter the work force in larger numbers. It was less important to lock down one's high-school sweetheart. That's an already enlarged dating pool due to the feminist movement. Fast forward to the present. Attending college is no longer considered that big of a deal. Women are beginning to outnumber men in college as well. The work force is more integrated than ever. There is online dating and social networking sites that make it just as easy for me to communicate with someone in China about as easily as I can communicate with my neighbors. The world is quickly becoming a small place. I suppose the point of my post is that in the current information age, both men and women are overwhelmed by the hundreds, if not thousands, of the opposite sex with whom they can communicate on a daily basis. People know how easy it is for their SO to meet new people these days. These aren't the days of old where meeting new people was a major ordeal. I think that is the source of this so-called neediness. It's still an illusion. Just because there is more access to more potential choices (in terms of pure numbers) doesn't mean that the quality and the nature of the pool has changed. Barring the big AND cosmopolitan cities, it's just the same ol' pool, except multiplied, which doesn't make any difference in terms of the odds - regardless of the size of the pool, you meet the exact same basic personality types, characters, and "credentials". And in the big cities the pool is also an illusion since everybody is chasing something better, and nobody ends up in relationship, which is understandable considering that nobody takes anybody seriously. Not sayin' that out grandparents got it right, but the "improvement" in dating is grossly overstated. People just waste more time, in order to end up with the same basic result.
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BG1985 Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 It's still an illusion. Just because there is more access to more potential choices (in terms of pure numbers) doesn't mean that the quality and the nature of the pool has changed. Barring the big AND cosmopolitan cities, it's just the same ol' pool, except multiplied, which doesn't make any difference in terms of the odds - regardless of the size of the pool, you meet the exact same basic personality types, characters, and "credentials". And in the big cities the pool is also an illusion since everybody is chasing something better, and nobody ends up in relationship, which is understandable considering that nobody takes anybody seriously. Not sayin' that out grandparents got it right, but the "improvement" in dating is grossly overstated. People just waste more time, in order to end up with the same basic result. So you're saying the dating pool hasn't changed with the increased supply of women in both college and the work force? Before the 60s and 70s, most women were getting married at 19 or 20 at the latest to whichever guy happened to be around. Since women didn't work and rarely went to college, they had no choice but to marry the nearest eligible bachelor who could support her and eventually her kids. Most women didn't have the luxury of staying single into their mid 20s or early 30 to find the right guy. I'm not saying one is better than the other. However the dynamics of dating have changed with the current generation.
Author calazhage Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 I think a lot of guys who write about how women run for the hills the moment they show emotion tend to understate what it is they do. I bet a lot of these guys fall in love after one month of knowing the girl and show too much emotion way too quickly. Having been on the receiving end of this behavior from a girl or two, I can say it doesn't feel good. It also makes me question every little thing they do and makes me wonder if they are crazy. It is more complicated though.. When many women start having sex with a guy, the women introduce all of this "love stuff", even if it is just an act.. So then when the guy comes around and returns this love at some point, she heads for the hills. As though it was all some big game. Also, the problem is people have a different idea of what "needy" is.. For some girls a guy wanting to see them more than once a week makes the guy seem "needy"..It is very overused..
BG1985 Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 It is more complicated though.. When many women start having sex with a guy, the women introduce all of this "love stuff", even if it is just an act.. So then when the guy comes around and returns this love at some point, she heads for the hills. As though it was all some big game. Also, the problem is people have a different idea of what "needy" is.. For some girls a guy wanting to see them more than once a week makes the guy seem "needy"..It is very overused.. Then the girls you're referring to are absolutely insane. I have not personally been through this or witnessed anything like it. It really makes no sense for a girl to have sex with a guy and tell him she loves him, only to not mean any of it. And if a girl is not interested in seeing a guy more than once a week, she's not that into him.
Mr White Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 So you're saying the dating pool hasn't changed with the increased supply of women in both college and the work force? Before the 60s and 70s, most women were getting married at 19 or 20 at the latest to whichever guy happened to be around. Since women didn't work and rarely went to college, they had no choice but to marry the nearest eligible bachelor who could support her and eventually her kids. Most women didn't have the luxury of staying single into their mid 20s or early 30 to find the right guy. I'm not saying one is better than the other. However the dynamics of dating have changed with the current generation. All I'm saying is that just because these days you have more opportunity to see more women/men, doesn't mean more choice. All you end up with is seeing the same woman/man 50 times over, so you end up with pretty much the same type of person you'd end up 50 years ago. Just because there are more transactions, doesn't mean that the aggregate outcome is that much different. You can't beat the market.
BG1985 Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 But a greater aggregate number of men/women leads to a greater chance of finding someone you'll like. I thought all of this was a numbers game anyway. If the "love of your life" leaves you, there will be more people out there for you to find.
Author calazhage Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 (edited) Then the girls you're referring to are absolutely insane. I have not personally been through this or witnessed anything like it. It really makes no sense for a girl to have sex with a guy and tell him she loves him, only to not mean any of it. And if a girl is not interested in seeing a guy more than once a week, she's not that into him. I disagree.. Back in the old days, women were more selecive with whom they slept with.. They connected sex to love.. Nowadays, women might sleep with men for fun, for love, or anywhere else in between. Most women need to have feelings attached to sex in some way for them to even orgasm. So they say things, and actually might feel love for that minute or night, but are not capable of entering a truly intimate relationship. More and more women are becoming just like this. I also agree that all of these supposed new "options" just make people think they have some real choices, but most men and women are generally pretty similar. Except now people are always thinking they can "do better".. Edited February 24, 2010 by calazhage
TheBigQuestion Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 I think a lot of guys who write about how women run for the hills the moment they show emotion tend to understate what it is they do. I bet a lot of these guys fall in love after one month of knowing the girl and show too much emotion way too quickly. Having been on the receiving end of this behavior from a girl or two, I can say it doesn't feel good. It also makes me question every little thing they do and makes me wonder if they are crazy. . I don't really see what the problem is with this. Most couples I know dated each other anywhere from 3 weeks to 2 months before becoming official/infatuated/being in love. Seeing someone consistently for about a month or so and developing strong feelings for them is not some sort of "crazy" reaction. Especially if a lot of time is spent with that person in that month-long period. It simply amounts to a miscommunication on the part of one or both parties in the relationship if the relationship ultimately fails to blossom into anything when it seemed to be going somewhere at first.
Mr White Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 But a greater aggregate number of men/women leads to a greater chance of finding someone you'll like. I thought all of this was a numbers game anyway. If the "love of your life" leaves you, there will be more people out there for you to find. It is not, in fact, a numbers game. Some of the least successful in relationship people I know have had the most relationships/partners. One of the big selling points of my GF was the fact she is from a small town and has had very limited exposure to men. But, even so, due to introspection, she knows what she wants (in relationships) and is not easily swayed by marginal ups and downs, and she has clearly made the right choice, since we're going strong 2 yrs later. More mobile society facilitates finding good relationships only up to a point, but there is no substitute for common sense and basic values.
Ilovehim Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 i hate these kind of threats.. what kind of dumb b****es do you loveshackers talk to? the only girl i know who tolerates as***holes is a needy desperate girl. most girls with self respect like a man who is strong, manly and at the same time tender and sweet...NOT a pushover but not a d**k either... this whole "needy vs independent" thing has gone too far.. For Goodness sake JUST BE YOURSELF!!!
The Paper Knight Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 I have learned the hard way that indifference is the key. If she wants to be with you its fine, if not thats fine too. You cant appear to care one way or the other. Keep your feelings to yourself and dont be nice nor do anything for them. Personally I think its a horrible way to be but thats how it is here in the US. If you show to much interest they run away. I had a woman who I dated years ago sum it up best "I need a man I need to work for. The person that cares the least about the relationship is in control" Its exactly the same here in Australia. I personally blame "Sex in the City"!
The Paper Knight Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 I seriously considered going over to talk to him, but I know that's TOTALLY "against the rules". Maybe it's time for the rules to change. Why should I sit around and wait, then sift through all the players to get to the good guys I'm really interested in? Change is not easy, though, and I think many men are not ready for this. Are you serious! I find women these days are becoming the hunters and we men the prey. I am getting hit on, asked out and dumped more and more these days by women. Its time to put a stop to this trend and start a Masculism Movement. Whoses with me!
lino Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Its exactly the same here in Australia. I second that!
Author calazhage Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 It is not, in fact, a numbers game. Some of the least successful in relationship people I know have had the most relationships/partners. . I agree.. My best relationships were with women who had limited exposure to them.. I never thought, "Wow the girl I am seeing has been on 300 first dates, and had 45 boyfriends, so she has experience!" I think in large cities people get addicted to the newness of relationships and have a hard time moving past that point..Similar to online daters.
dazzle22 Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 Are you serious! I find women these days are becoming the hunters and we men the prey. I am getting hit on, asked out and dumped more and more these days by women. Its time to put a stop to this trend and start a Masculism Movement. Whoses with me! Curious as to which city you live in. That said, I believe that in general good decent people of both sexes need to be much less giving of themselves and much less trusting when they first meet others. As far as I am concerned, most people I meet in any situation, whether it is work, romantic situations, friendship, etc are not worthy of my ongoing time, energy, emotions because they are selfish, ignorant, two-faced game players. Sorry to say but it is true. Everyone I don't know well falls into my "rent to own" or "one yr lease with OPTION to renew" category until they have totally proven they are people of quality and worth. THAT is the way to handle all these people in these revolving door dating situations. Plus, when you act like that, people pursue you and not the other way round. Becomes the "oh, pick me, pick me", even in friendships. Curious thing about humans, is the less you like them, the less you are impressed, generally the harder they try. And if you watch how people treat others and what they say, they give themselves away after awhile if they are hiding some serious personality flaws.
all in Posted March 29, 2010 Posted March 29, 2010 (edited) i find it interesting that both sides of this debate tend to be extreme. it's either be uber nice and pour your feelings all over the person or bait and treat them like floor mats to keep their interest what about balance? most of us like the people we're seeing to show some emotion but showing much more than what they have expressed to you (especially early on...say the first few months) can make them feel like things are unbalanced and it can also add a lot of pressure that will typically make them back away from you stringing them along and making them question your intentions/motives constantly might keep them interested for a while but they'll eventually get tired of being strung along i believe it's about finding a balance of being sweet and showing emotion within the threshold of both of your comfort levels (typically time dependent) and also demonstrating that you have a life and still value the same friends/activities you always have...which we should all be doing anyway because it's healthy Edited March 29, 2010 by all in
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