PJKino Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 To the contrary women are less superficial about appearances in general - which is why we see ugly guys with some attractive women - however' date=' women here can be stingy lovers lol[/quote'] I dont think women are less sueperifcial about appereance at all..I rarely see this hot girl ugly guy thing unless the guy has fame/money etc
You'reasian Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 I dont think women are less sueperifcial about appereance at all..I rarely see this hot girl ugly guy thing unless the guy has fame/money etc I was alluding to that - they make up for it in another area.
Kristine Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 I think you must be dating the wrong women. I'm all about honesty, too much so really, but I work to repress my feelings until the guy shares his because that's just how I was taught. I couldn't be with a guy who didn't express love before we do the deed because I'm not the girl that you bag.
dazzle22 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I think HATS and MEM are really on target. And I think it goes for both sexes and also applies in platonic friendships as well. If you are too nice, too available, too accomodating, or more so than the other person is, that puts things out of balance and they start to take you FOR GRANTED, think you will always be there no matter how they act, so they "slack off" on appreciative behavior, and don't think they have to do anything at all to keep you. In order to keep relationships healthy, I think you have to give off the air of "I really like you but I also am of equal value here, and will not tolerate being taken for granted or treated inconsiderately. I also have admirers and choices, and I WILL take them if I am not treated properly." There needs to be just a tiny bit of fear in every relationship, that if you act like a real jerk to your friend or lover on a consistent basis, the other person might walk, even if they are committed to you, or are your best friend.
EnglishMuffin Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 English Muffins are mysterious - I mean they're quiet and such. There must be something wrong with them... Must feed properly! We muffins are quite simple creatures! A jar of good jam and we are the happy sort This muffin in particular gets into a foul mood and grumbles when underfed. Awww.
Woggle Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Yet many men claim they want to date younger women, women in their 20s. These are the most fickle women of them all, those most culpable according to the complaints of this thread, generally speaking. So, it seems that men enjoy the "abuse"? Men AND women get "put through the wringer" equally, trust me. Most people feel "duped" by their partner when things don't work out, male or female. That is mostly because of superficial reasons plus these fickle women are usually much less fickle with older and richer men. Many younger men like older women because they don't want the drama as well. The reason men in Europe valued your intellect more is because America is a shallow culture and that works both ways. Many women would rather have some steroid enhanced, spray tanned jerk over a genius as well.
Author calazhage Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 Perhaps LS is skewing my perspective, but there's a very noticeable trend on here. It just seems that men will more often demonize the other gender based on a few rejections, where women are more likely to either view men on a case by case basis (the healthy approach) or internalize the rejections. Look at the number of misogynist vs misandrist threads. There are some of the latter, but they are definitely outnumbered by the former. Women experience heartbreak as often as men do, so that's not the reason. Is it that they have better coping skills, so they're less likely to turn embittered? Actually one of your threads led me to write this one. It has been my experience that your views are not that uncommon. You wrote about a man you love, and want to spend your life with BUT insinuated he might be "weak" for his over top love overtures. You were asking how you can nip these overtures in the bud. He said things like "I want to be with you forever" etc. I have found women around the world WAIT their entire lives for a man to say things like this that they are into, where as American women view it as weak, or boring. I see many women are trying to turn this around and say females face the same thing, but I disagree. I never hear men say their girlfriend or wife is too nice, and too available so they are "bored". I read threads on here with women saying this all the time.
Woggle Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 There are plenty of misandrists on here as well as misogynists I do admit. What about that thread from the poster who wants to get revenge on all men because one does not love her or JS and her rants about how all men are porn addicts who love seeing women degraded?
Author calazhage Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 There are plenty of misandrists on here as well as misogynists I do admit. What about that thread from the poster who wants to get revenge on all men because one does not love her or JS and her rants about how all men are porn addicts who love seeing women degraded? I agree.. But it is hard to explain how bad it feels to have a woman tell you "I love you", believe her, then be dismissed or pulled away from because you did what feels natural, express yourself, be available, and make her a priority, etc. Are people becoming more masochistic? They want to love someone that they worry about leaving them? They need some kind of rush?
tincanman99 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 If she received those compliments in Germany, Northern Europe and UK - sure, it may have been true... Anywhere else and there's a good chance they're tryin to get in her pants lol You cant possibly be talking about France, Italy, Spain, Greece or Portugal. All of the men in those countries are pathological liars and will say anything to get in your pants. They have the charm and they arent known as womanizers for nothing. Also I have never seen an unkempt woman in any of those places. By unkempt I mean looking like a slob and/or fat. Go to Italy on a warm summer day and let me know what you see. All the women will be tan and dressed to kill.
Golfilla Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 IMO, the main problem is that women, generally speaking, have no clue how to maintain a healthy, balanced relationship once she gets into one. - We're brainwashed into thinking that Prince Charming will come along and sweep us off our feet and live happily ever after. - We're brainwashed into thinking we have to play hard to get because men need and want a challenge... it makes us his "prize". - We're brainwashed into thinking we cannot "nag". Well, the 'brainwashing' was dead right about the third point. For me, nagging is an instant dealbreaker in any relationship -- worse than infidelity. As far as I'm concerned, I had enough of that from my mother when I was seven years old. Now that I'm old enough to take care of myself, I don't want to hear it. My definition of nagging? Saying something more than once. It's alright to raise something you consider to be an issue in the relationship, or ask me to do something, but if the answer is 'no', I won't be listening to it again, and if that means I end up alone -- so be it.
Golfilla Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I think this is perhaps my biggest beef with dating.. A man meets a woman and they hit it off.. Over the course of time the relationship becomes sexual. Now how is the man to proceed at this point? He can either: A. Express his feelings freely and openly, which in an ideal and healthy world would be greatly appreciated by his love interest. I mean isn't that the point of dating? Acquiring and giving love? B. After becoming sexual holding back, and repressing feelings.. Say some nice things, but always balance this with being a bit aloof, mysterious, unnattainable etc, to manipulate the woman into having and keeping interest. A man expressing his real feelings in this society would make himself seem "weak, needy, 'stalkerish', doesn't have a life, unstable, not a catch " etc. Recently I started dating a South American and I feel 18 again.. Once sex occured we became a "couple", and we exchange feelings freely and openly..It did take me a while to get used to this as for years I have been thinking of games that must be played to keep a woman interested. Games such as how to act aloof, trying not to call too much, or not calling enough, never mentioning love, etc etc. I also notice self help gurus teaching how to dismiss women and treat them like crap is becoming a huge industry, as that seems to yield the best results. Sad. I've noticed the same thing out here in State #51 (i.e. Australia), it's exactly the same, in fact, it might even be worse. I've had interactions with women where everything I've said has been right, funny, insightful, empathic and often a combination of all of these one day, only to have the same woman refuse to talk to me the next. Then after I've decided to leave her alone, she's trying to talk to me again, wondering why I didn't call, or where I was. I've learned much the same lessons as everyone else in this thread -- i.e. that you have to treat women with indifference (which should be distinguished from being abusive). The question I've been asking myself over the last 12 months, however, is whether it's all worth it. Personally I have no intention of being in a relationship where I'm unable to be myself for fear of the relationship falling apart. I'd much rather just have female friends (and I mean real friends, not the doormat "nice guy" type of 'friends'), and maybe a few friends with benefits around whom I can be totally honest and act in whatever way I am naturally inclined. Many people who know me in real life (as opposed to online) frequently ask me when I'm going to 'settle down', and tell me that I'd supposedly make a wonderful father (although I don't particularly want to have kids for a variety of reasons), but the truth is, I really just can't be bothered playing the games anymore.
himadree Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Hello friends , this thread topic is quite alarming not only USA but in entire world.alright i end up here, if anyone wants to meet young Russians then i would like to recommended this: www.russian-dating-site.net
dazzle22 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 right, and these Russian girls are just living in a little "virginal vacuum" just waiting for one american guy that they can dote on. They only talk to one guy, and that is you, lucky first timer to this site, and they go home to a nunnery. Uh huh.... I think both sexes in general seem to be becoming more mercenary and deceitful and full of game playing in the last 10 years. Actually, since the entrance of on lining hunting I think...
meerkat stew Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I've had interactions with women where everything I've said has been right, funny, insightful, empathic and often a combination of all of these one day, only to have the same woman refuse to talk to me the next. Then after I've decided to leave her alone, she's trying to talk to me again, wondering why I didn't call, or where I was. Haha, story of my life. There are at least five (more actually) single female friends of mine, none of whom I am interested in dating, and I don't think they have feelings going my way either, but enjoy socializing with them. They have what seems to be a love-hate relationship with me, completely polar, that has nothing to do with my behavior towards them, which is completely consistent. I get "let's get together, I miss you, come for dinner, let's go dancing etc." then when I respond, "sure, when in the next couple of weeks is good for you?" Silence, usually no reply at all to my reply. Absolutely mind boggling. Sometimes when we are together socially, they are warm and friendly, other times they act as if they don't know I exist, sometimes they seem to have some animosity towards me. YET NOTHING HAS CHANGED!! These are people I have known FOR YEARS! Have a couple of male friends like this too, almost all women though.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 (edited) I think both sexes in general seem to be becoming more mercenary and deceitful and full of game playing in the last 10 years. Actually, since the entrance of on lining hunting I think... Agree. I think a big part of the problem is that we all have this new illusion of thousands of possibilities, so most of us are never satisfied with anything, always looking for something better. The Internet also gives us the chance to see what the opposite sex is REALLY thinking, for the first time ever on such a large scale. I have to admit that I look at men in a different light than I used to, with a new suspicion and skepticism that was not there before. I look at them and consider what is probably on their mind, what they are looking for. Some friends dragged me out with them last night, and I found the whole bar/club scene almost nauseating. Before the dancing, we went to a show with an interesting mixed crowd. This cute guy who seemed shy and a little music nerdy (like me!) looked across the room at me about 30 times, but he never came over to say hi. So, the slimy pickup guys who are completely not what I'm interested in whatsoever do not hesitate to talk to me, and the sweet, shy, brainy guys -- the ones I love! -- are too shy to approach. Edited February 21, 2010 by Ruby Slippers
threebyfate Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 There are plenty of misandrists on here as well as misogynists I do admit. What about that thread from the poster who wants to get revenge on all men because one does not love her or JS and her rants about how all men are porn addicts who love seeing women degraded?She wasn't real, Woggle. She was a he.
BG1985 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Agree. I think a big part of the problem is that we all have this new illusion of thousands of possibilities, so most of us are never satisfied with anything, always looking for something better. The Internet also gives us the chance to see what the opposite sex is REALLY thinking, for the first time ever on such a large scale. I have to admit that I look at men in a different light than I used to, with a new suspicion and skepticism that was not there before. I look at them and consider what is probably on their mind, what they are looking for. Some friends dragged me out with them last night, and I found the whole bar/club scene almost nauseating. Before the dancing, we went to a show with an interesting mixed crowd. This cute guy who seemed shy and a little music nerdy (like me!) looked across the room at me about 30 times, but he never came over to say hi. So, the slimy pickup guys who are completely not what I'm interested in whatsoever do not hesitate to talk to me, and the sweet, shy, brainy guys -- the ones I love! -- are too shy to approach. All the new options available to both men and women these days is not a mere illusion. I'll use my parents and grandparents as examples (currently I'm 24). All of my grandparents came from small towns. Only one of my grandfathers went to college, and I'm not sure if either of my grandmothers went to college. Both universities and the workplace were male-dominated entities back in the day. Therefore the most obvious place to have met your spouse at the time was someone you knew from high school, church, or being shipped around for mandatory military service. Not as many women sought education after high school and even fewer had a meaningful role in the work force. With respect to my parents, more women went to college at the time so school was a much more viable option for meeting potential spouses. On top of that, women were starting to enter the work force in larger numbers. It was less important to lock down one's high-school sweetheart. That's an already enlarged dating pool due to the feminist movement. Fast forward to the present. Attending college is no longer considered that big of a deal. Women are beginning to outnumber men in college as well. The work force is more integrated than ever. There is online dating and social networking sites that make it just as easy for me to communicate with someone in China about as easily as I can communicate with my neighbors. The world is quickly becoming a small place. I suppose the point of my post is that in the current information age, both men and women are overwhelmed by the hundreds, if not thousands, of the opposite sex with whom they can communicate on a daily basis. People know how easy it is for their SO to meet new people these days. These aren't the days of old where meeting new people was a major ordeal. I think that is the source of this so-called neediness.
Woggle Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 Agree. I think a big part of the problem is that we all have this new illusion of thousands of possibilities, so most of us are never satisfied with anything, always looking for something better. The Internet also gives us the chance to see what the opposite sex is REALLY thinking, for the first time ever on such a large scale. I have to admit that I look at men in a different light than I used to, with a new suspicion and skepticism that was not there before. I look at them and consider what is probably on their mind, what they are looking for. Some friends dragged me out with them last night, and I found the whole bar/club scene almost nauseating. Before the dancing, we went to a show with an interesting mixed crowd. This cute guy who seemed shy and a little music nerdy (like me!) looked across the room at me about 30 times, but he never came over to say hi. So, the slimy pickup guys who are completely not what I'm interested in whatsoever do not hesitate to talk to me, and the sweet, shy, brainy guys -- the ones I love! -- are too shy to approach. Chances are that guy probably thought he didn't have a chance in hell with you.
Woggle Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 She wasn't real, Woggle. She was a he. Maybe so but JS is real. Exactly what is the difference between me and her when it comes to generalizing the opposite sex?
Ruby Slippers Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 (edited) Chances are that guy probably thought he didn't have a chance in hell with you. I seriously considered going over to talk to him, but I know that's TOTALLY "against the rules". Maybe it's time for the rules to change. Why should I sit around and wait, then sift through all the players to get to the good guys I'm really interested in? Change is not easy, though, and I think many men are not ready for this. Edited February 22, 2010 by Ruby Slippers
Woggle Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 I seriously considered going over to talk to him, but I know that's TOTALLY "against the rules". Maybe it's time for the rules to change. Why should I sit around and wait, then sift through all the players to get to the good guys I'm really interested in? Change is not easy, though, and I think many men are not ready for this. Most men would love for women to take some of that pressure off of us. It seems that women are more caught up on men making the first move.
Chicago_Guy Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 She wasn't real, Woggle. She was a he. greatgirlfriend is a guy? Are you sure?
thegreatesthumphrey Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 There is truth in the fact that women shown "too" much love will leave, but it is also true for women being mistreated. So you shouldn't go to the extreme of either side, both will result in failure. When it comes to everyone saying if you show a woman "too" much love, it doesn't mean love itself... it means clingyness and neediness. Which neither is attractive to either sex. Take for example yourselves, men generally are not attracted to women that are clingy or needy or act that way. Proof of that is all over the place! So, same goes for men as women, but women dont turn around and treat their men wrong just because they know they cant be clingy or needy....... they do just that --- not being clingy or needy -- they dont change to the exact opposite side of the spectrum and be disrespectful to their man. Real love and the most stable relationships have both parties assert each other of their love for them on a regular basis and trust each other when they say it or show it, but they both lead somewhat of their own lives. They both know they are not there because they need the other or want something from the other, they are there because they want to be there with that person. One thing I do want to say though is how could you be cruel to the one you supposedly "love", no matter your influence. Its a little selfish as well.... you would put your significant other in harms way to secure yourself. Think on that a little. Point is: DONT BE CRUEL TO YOUR WOMAN EVER ESPECIALLY TO KEEP HER OR YOU WILL LOSE HER. INSTEAD SHOW HER YOU LOVE HER ON A STEADY CONSTANT BASIS AND AVOID SMOTHERING HER.
torranceshipman Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 If you meet a lovely, confident and self-assured woman, she will be happy to openly pursue a R with you, and she will not play games. If you date girls with low self esteem and a need for validation then you will get game playing crap and yes, they will respond to bad treatment. Women who respect themselves will move on the moment you try to give them bad treatment. Don't lump all women into the same category here!
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