Ruby Slippers Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Agree totally, 1:5 women (approximately IME) don't respond in the childish cat-string way that OP describes. It's the other 80% who do, though, that OP seems to be talking about. So the choice for men is either be open and hope he's dealing with a 20%er or be an ass and hope he is dealing with an 80%er. Which way would you bet? Why would you even want a woman who responds "in the childish cat-string way"? I know you guys aren't making this stuff up, because I have friends who go for hot jerks and then wonder why they can't find a good guy. I have never done that. My first boyfriend ever, when I was 14, was "hot" but dumb. It took me about 2 months, at 14, to figure out why this was a waste of my time. Some women don't figure this out till later in life -- some never. But a smart woman, one who's got her priorities straight, figures it out pretty darn fast. And why would you want to waste your time with a woman who's, well... not so smart?
callingyouuu Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Some women don't figure this out till later in life -- some never. But a smart woman, one who's got her priorities straight, figures it out pretty darn fast. And why would you want to waste your time with a woman who's, well... not Most men would prefer a woman who have her stuff figured out, but those women are just so hard to find.. so we more or less do with what we can. Or go to Brazil.
Author calazhage Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 Why would you even want a woman who responds "in the childish cat-string way"? Well typically I did not discover this behavior early on, as it presented itself once I am already deeply invested. This could happen anywhere from 3-12 months into the relationship. Usually it would be her coming on strong, making future plans, expressing how interested she is over and over etc, UNTIL we become a couple.. THEN she typically would withdraw, have second thoughts, become bored, etc. I guess what changed is that I was very open, predictable, punctual, reliable etc. I did not add enough "mystery" to push her attraction buttons, and keep her level of attraction high.
Woggle Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 The sad thing is that by the time many women figure it out the men have been through the ringer with the drama addicts and are no longer willing to put in the time and effort to be a good partner because they see where it got them earlier. A lot of women really shoot themselves in the foot with this. That one thread where a woman wants revenge on all men is a prime example of this. She admitted to dismissing this guy because he was too nice then when she finally wants she can't have him and instead of looking at herself she wants to blame all men.
bayouboi Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 The sad thing is that by the time many women figure it out the men have been through the ringer with the drama addicts and are no longer willing to put in the time and effort to be a good partner because they see where it got them earlier. A lot of women really shoot themselves in the foot with this. That one thread where a woman wants revenge on all men is a prime example of this. She admitted to dismissing this guy because he was too nice then when she finally wants she can't have him and instead of looking at herself she wants to blame all men. You noticed that too, eh?
tincanman99 Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 I have learned the hard way that indifference is the key. If she wants to be with you its fine, if not thats fine too. You cant appear to care one way or the other. Keep your feelings to yourself and dont be nice nor do anything for them. Personally I think its a horrible way to be but thats how it is here in the US. If you show to much interest they run away. I had a woman who I dated years ago sum it up best "I need a man I need to work for. The person that cares the least about the relationship is in control"
You'reasian Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 I agree with the OP's sentiment; women here seem colder and less reciprocating than women from other countries - this does not neccessarily make for a more successful relationship although it certainly makes for a more enjoyable relationship. However, I think there are still American women out there who are reciprocating, loving and dedicated partners - you just have to work a little harder to find them.
Woggle Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 I agree with the OP's sentiment; women here seem colder and less reciprocating than women from other countries - this does not neccessarily make for a more successful relationship although it certainly makes for a more wonderful relationship. No it doesn't. It makes for nothing but drama and a relationship where two people never really connect. I think the reason many men become players is that they know that being the loving commited guy will only get them walked all over yet it is just exhausting trying to provide the needed drama to keep a woman attracted too you so why not just play the field? It's sad but that is what it has come to these days. I am so glad to have found one of the few women that actually responds well to being treated well.
shadowplay Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Woggle, the same can be said for many men responding to unavailable women. I had two ltr with guys who only gave me affection when I acted aloof or uninterested around them. With my most recent ex he would be all over me whenever I was busy or ignoring him and act cold when I gave him a lot of affection or needed emotional support. He would also go after girls who were too busy, independent to give him much attention. There are people like this in both genders, and I've encountered many, many men who fit into this type.
stillafool Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 I think a big mistake that people make is that they assume that people are capable of receiving an unlimited amount of love and affection. But the reality is that affection is like food. We all need and want a steady amount, and if we aren't getting enough we start to feel hungry, if we are getting too much we start to feel sick. I think what often happens is that nice guys/girls keep giving, and then once their partner is "full" and starts pulling away, they interpret it as rejection because they were nice ("Girls/Guys only like jerks/bitches!"). Or maybe that they weren't nice enough ("men/women are never satisfied! Nothing is good enough!")" Or maybe that they weren't nice in the right way ("Men/Women can never be understood! Men/Women don't know what they want!") And they try all sorts of things to get their partner more interested in them again, which just makes them feel even more smothered. But really all you needed to do was to give them some space and wait for their need for your affection to build up again. If you're patient and attentive he/she will let you know when this is. FWIW, I think it's pretty unhealthy to buy into the "game" mentality. Relationships should be about cooperation, not trying to outgame each other. Your post seems to be right on target.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 The sad thing is that by the time many women figure it out the men have been through the ringer with the drama addicts and are no longer willing to put in the time and effort to be a good partner because they see where it got them earlier. Yet many men claim they want to date younger women, women in their 20s. These are the most fickle women of them all, those most culpable according to the complaints of this thread, generally speaking. So, it seems that men enjoy the "abuse"? Men AND women get "put through the wringer" equally, trust me. Most people feel "duped" by their partner when things don't work out, male or female.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Woggle, the same can be said for many men responding to unavailable women. I had two ltr with guys who only gave me affection when I acted aloof or uninterested around them. With my most recent ex he would be all over me whenever I was busy or ignoring him and act cold when I gave him a lot of affection or needed emotional support. He would also go after girls who were too busy, independent to give him much attention. There are people like this in both genders, and I've encountered many, many men who fit into this type. Yes. I agree with the OP's sentiment; women here seem colder and less reciprocating than women from other countries - this does not neccessarily make for a more successful relationship although it certainly makes for a more enjoyable relationship. However, I think there are still American women out there who are reciprocating, loving and dedicated partners - you just have to work a little harder to find them. I could issue many complaints about American men versus men from other countries, too. I have lived in two other countries, so I know first-hand. One example is that American men, in general, seem much more duped with the bottle blonde, fake boobs, orange-glow tan, plastic look. Men in Europe seem to respond more to intellect and sensuality. I can do the whole girl act, but spending a lot of time and money on wardrobe, hair, and makeup is not my priority. I got more attention for my brains and talents living in Europe than I have EVER gotten in the US. But in celebrating all the virtues of these non-American women, you have to keep in mind that many of them see American men as a meal ticket. I am pretty good friends with a guy who married a foreign woman he thought was "so different", and once she got her green card after three years of marriage, she divorced him. Now that America is going down the crapper, these international gold-diggers will probably start targeting Chinese men, or whatever men live in the countries with the strongest developing economies.
threebyfate Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 I honestly don't get the attraction towards the mysterious man. IME, men who appear mysterious, have something seriously screwed up inside to hide.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 I honestly don't get the attraction towards the mysterious man. IME, men who appear mysterious, have something seriously screwed up inside to hide. Totally agree! If a guy behaves "mysteriously", I assume he's got some major problems to hide.
shadowplay Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Perhaps LS is skewing my perspective, but there's a very noticeable trend on here. It just seems that men will more often demonize the other gender based on a few rejections, where women are more likely to either view men on a case by case basis (the healthy approach) or internalize the rejections. Look at the number of misogynist vs misandrist threads. There are some of the latter, but they are definitely outnumbered by the former. Women experience heartbreak as often as men do, so that's not the reason. Is it that they have better coping skills, so they're less likely to turn embittered?
You'reasian Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Yes. I could issue many complaints about American men versus men from other countries, too. I have lived in two other countries, so I know first-hand. One example is that American men, in general, seem much more duped with the bottle blonde, fake boobs, orange-glow tan, plastic look. Men in Europe seem to respond more to intellect and sensuality. I can do the whole girl act, but spending a lot of time and money on wardrobe, hair, and makeup is not my priority. I got more attention for my brains and talents living in Europe than I have EVER gotten in the US.. There's truth to this. Personally, I grew out of the fake-boob, bottle blonde thing around 21 - although real blondes can be very attractive. Good on you for being a smart girl - that is an attractive quality. But in celebrating all the virtues of these non-American women, you have to keep in mind that many of them see American men as a meal ticket. I am pretty good friends with a guy who married a foreign woman he thought was "so different", and once she got her green card after three years of marriage, she divorced him. Now that America is going down the crapper, these international gold-diggers will probably start targeting Chinese men, or whatever men live in the countries with the strongest developing economies. Truth to this as well. Its important for a man to be able to see a woman's intent over time. See where she's at etc.
shadowplay Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 (edited) To add to what Ruby said, men can be as superficial as women; they just select for different traits. For every guy who's tired of being rejected for being too nice, there's a girl tired of being rejected for being too fat, unattractive, needy, what have you. Why is one type of rejection more acceptable than the other? I'm not sure if I'd rather be rejected for being fat or being nice. Both suck. Edited February 20, 2010 by shadowplay
You'reasian Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 (edited) Totally agree! If a guy behaves "mysteriously", I assume he's got some major problems to hide. Some guys prefer to live relatively quiet, boring lives - speak more selectively, which comes across as 'mysterious' by perception. They may work long hours, be tired and not have much to say lol Edited February 20, 2010 by You'reasian
You'reasian Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 To add to what Ruby said, men can be as superficial as women; they just select for different traits. For every guy who's tired of being rejected for being too nice, there's a girl tired of being rejected for being too fat, unattractive, needy, what have you. Why is one type of rejection more acceptable than the other? I'm not sure if I'd rather be rejected for being fat or being nice. Both suck. If she's overweight (within reason - and I'm generous according to most dudes) and has a really wonderfull personality, I'm down.
sagetalk Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Men in Europe seem to respond more to intellect and sensuality. I can do the whole girl act, but spending a lot of time and money on wardrobe, hair, and makeup is not my priority. I got more attention for my brains and talents living in Europe than I have EVER gotten in the US. No, I think European men are just better liars than we American guys .
shadowplay Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 If she's overweight (within reason - and I'm generous according to most dudes) and has a really wonderfull personality' date=' I'm down.[/quote'] Right, but the important point is you're generous according to most dudes. Not all guys are superficial about appearance, but most are. Likewise many women are superficial about appearance and other things.
You'reasian Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 (edited) No, I think European men are just better liars than we American guys . If she received those compliments in Germany, Northern Europe and UK - sure, it may have been true... Anywhere else and there's a good chance they're tryin to get in her pants lol Edited February 20, 2010 by You'reasian
EnglishMuffin Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 I honestly don't get the attraction towards the mysterious man. IME, men who appear mysterious, have something seriously screwed up inside to hide. Ditto. Men who are incapable of adressing what's going on/his emotions AND act mysterious/distant is a huge turnoff for me. It doesn't quite look like he is comfortable with showing his real self. Or a spy. But Bond never appealed to me!
You'reasian Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Right, but the important point is you're generous according to most dudes. Not all guys are superficial about appearance, but most are. Likewise many women are superficial about appearance and other things. To the contrary women are less superficial about appearances in general - which is why we see ugly guys with some attractive women - however, women here can be stingy lovers lol
You'reasian Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Ditto. Men who are incapable of adressing what's going on/his emotions AND act mysterious/distant is a huge turnoff for me. It doesn't quite look like he is comfortable with showing his real self. Or a spy. But Bond never appealed to me! English Muffins are mysterious - I mean they're quiet and such. There must be something wrong with them...
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