coloradopain Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Please help me, I have been married for 13 years and pretty happy. 10 years ago I discovered my husband had had a fling with one of his coworkers, not a full blown affair, just a fling, although it continued for a couple of weeks. At the time it took so much to get past it, i don't know if I ever actually did but we learned to put it behind us and carry on, bringing 2 beautiful boys into the world and devoting ourselves to them and each other. I have just found out from a friend who saw them that y husband has been having an affair. He has now confessed everything and it went on for 8 months. I'm lost, i don't know how to react this time. I'm trying to keep my head up for my boys but i have so many questions and I genuniely dont know if I can get past this one. I mean he promised the last time that he would never do this to me again and he has, how can I trust him now? Will I ever be able to?
MizFit Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Please help me, I have been married for 13 years and pretty happy. 10 years ago I discovered my husband had had a fling with one of his coworkers, not a full blown affair, just a fling, although it continued for a couple of weeks. At the time it took so much to get past it, i don't know if I ever actually did but we learned to put it behind us and carry on, bringing 2 beautiful boys into the world and devoting ourselves to them and each other. I have just found out from a friend who saw them that y husband has been having an affair. He has now confessed everything and it went on for 8 months. I'm lost, i don't know how to react this time. I'm trying to keep my head up for my boys but i have so many questions and I genuniely dont know if I can get past this one. I mean he promised the last time that he would never do this to me again and he has, how can I trust him now? Will I ever be able to? No one can answer that question except you. Everyone will have differing opinions, but at the end of the day yours is the only one that matters. If it were me I'd have gone the first time, but if I had stayed this next time would be a dealbreaker without a shadow of a doubt. I'm an OW and have been with my MM for 10 months...we've been through 2 DDays and he's trying to sort a way to see me again. If an affair lasts for months there are feelings...they may not be love and he may not choose to stay with her, but rest assured there are feelings. Having said that...you've been through both good and bad with him and history counts for a lot. If you stay I don't think it'll ever be the same, but that doesn't mean it can't be good and can't work. Whatever you decide make YOU the priority now. Hang on tight to your kids, friends and family...you are the one who matters now. Good luck with whatever direction you go...
Samantha0905 Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 This has to be doing a lot to your self-esteem and to your soul. Have you received any counseling? I think it may help you to come to a decision on how to handle this situation. Right now, if I were you, I would ask your husband for some time apart and have him move out of the house. The only contact I would have with him during that time would have to do with the children.
Disintegration Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 First off I am sorry sorry you are going through this. He deceived you once and you chose to forgive him and continue your life with him. He then does it again? Seems like he didn't learn his lesson. That old saying once a cheater always a cheater seems to fit him just fine. Although he had a fling he still cheated on you. Not just once but again and for a more extensive amount of time. I know that if you hadn't forgiven him before you might not have had your 2 children, and they are the good that has come out of your marriage. Personally I would leave the marriage, he didn't think of you or your children while he was having an affair. Who's to say he wont do it again. How do you know he hasn't cheated before these two times, he just happened to get caught. If you hadn't found out how long would it have continued?
Devil Inside Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Colorado...I'm sorry. I know how much it hurts to find out your spouse has cheated on you...more than once. Let me ask you. When you found out about this second affair...what was your immediate gut feel? Did you feel like you were done, or did you feel like this had a chance to survive a second infidelity? If you are able to remember that initial reaction then I would sit down with a pen and paper, or in front of a computer and make a list. Put down all the reasons that support that initial reaction. Then write down all the things that would make that reaction a bad idea. These situations are never black and white, but it helps to clarify your thoughts. The other factor here is what he wants. Do you know? Does he want to be married still? I think it is time for the two of you to really answer the hard questions now. I know how scary that sounds...I struggle with answering those questions myself. Whatever you do, be sure to have a support system. Spend time with people you love, and people that will support you. Heck..if need be come here. Best of luck to you.
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