richardcruz Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Below is my story. True as the day it happened. It's written in short story format, intended that way so hopefully you can enjoy it a little more as it is a bit long. I'm currently going through another breakup (different girl), so I found it therapeutic to write about my past one. It reminds me that I've been through worse. I hope you can take something from it. If anything, know that you are not alone in your suffering. She says she's confused. This was why she left me. It's had been 43 days. I decided to stay home from work that day. I couldn't get myself to go. Depression is a black fog that you can't understand unless you've been lost in its depths. I still hadn't found my way out and it had been weeks. I had been lying in bed since the morning in same position. A quick glance at my cell phone reveals it's past noon. No calls from her. I flip back over and stare aimlessly with arms folded as if the answers to my problems could be found in the crevices of the cottage cheese ceiling. My throat hurt. It felt painfully tight as If I had somehow managed to swallow my Adam’s apple in my wallowing. I couldn't cry anymore. All the tears that flowed freely from my eyes had dried up in the delicate draft that moved about the room, causing my skin to feel tight as a stretched canvas. It was a nice day outside. Every so often a soft breeze blew through the window causing the curtains to dance wildly and inflate, only to expose a beam of sun light that shot across the room carrying millions of tiny particles. The leaves of near by trees came alive in the breeze and applauded the wind. It was a nice day outside. Yet, I couldn't seem to bring myself to embrace it. The only thing I could think of was my broken heart. My birthday had just passed. A couple of my good friends forced me to go out and commemorate my own day. Somehow, I got myself to put something presentable on, and, in the numbness of my dull emotion, had managed to transport myself to the gathering. That night went by very slow. In fact, that entire month had been affected by a phenomenon that somehow turned mere minutes into hours. Everything just trudged a long. There I was in the company of my friends, yet I could not feel a thing. Jokes without laughter, conversations without reason; I answered them with fake smiles all night. I didn't want to look unappreciative. They were trying so hard to get me out of my rut. ------ Everyday there was an epic struggle that went on within myself, one in which I felt I was absolutely powerless. My brain, logical in its nature, knew that there was nothing more to tell her. Therefore, there was no reason to contact her. However my heart longed for her. Today my heart won. Foolish heart. I dial her number from memory. It rings a couple times. She picks up the phone and I greet her. Here initial demeanor changes from one second to another when she realizes that it was I. She quickly informs me that the only reason that she had picked up the phone was because she thought that it was her mother, as the number was blocked. She threatens me that she will change her number if call again. I didn't want to lose her forever. "I'm sorry, it's just that I miss y...............dial tone................. She hung up. My heart stays absolutely still, to afraid to move. I slowly lower my cell phone, still in its open position. I wonder if she understands how deeply it hurts? Does she know all the nights that I cried myself to sleep wishing that I would never wake up? That's when it hits me. Maybe, just maybe, if I could just negotiate one more meeting between her and I, she would feel what she once felt looking in my eyes and she would fall in love with me again. What did I have to lose? I quickly jam my arms into a shirt and top it with a sloppy tie. Pressed slacks and a tweed trench coat finish of my ensemble, and with that I was heading towards the door. I have a business meeting at 8pm so I figure I can go by her work with time to make my appoint once I'm done. I grab the umbrella that sits patiently by the door. It's cold and raining outside. I quickly make my way over to my vehicle. From this point on, the very actions of my driving are overshadowed with the nervous thoughts running rampant through my head. I haven't seen her face to face in over a month. I arrive at her work. I know she comes out in about ten minutes so I get of my vehicle and walk with long steps at a brisk pace. My heart pounds faster as I approach the building, as If it knows she's near. I recall a small bench just outside the front door where her and I had met for her lunch long ago. Only difference is this time she had no prior knowledge of my unannounced visit. Most importantly, this time around we weren't an item. For some reason or other she does not come out the front door. Instead, to my surprise, I see headlights coming towards my direction. The car comes to a stop. It's her. My guess is that she parked in a different lot. I wave at her and our eyes meet for the first time in what as felt like years. I have tears coming down my face. We stare at each other in 2-second intervals as her car wipers work vigorously to keep the raindrops from consuming her front window. I can see my breath as I exhale deeply. I walk around her car and make my way over to her door handle. As I reach for it with my cold rigid hand, something happens that was completely contradictory to what I had imagined; she steps on the gas and floors it. My hand is pushed aside by the force of her acceleration. She speeds down the street, away from me. Her break lights leave phantom trails of red in the darkness of the night. They seem a lot bigger and fuzzier than they really are, as do the street lights. My eyes that are engulfed in tears make things seem that way. The raindrops bounce of the off my umbrella even faster. It’s really starting to come down. The combinations of the wind and rain have managed to infiltrate the area underneath my umbrella. I am completely drenched. Defeated by the elements, I lower my umbrella off to the side and I just stand there. The cold rain mingles with my tears, and together they roll down my face, yet I can tell which ones are my tears; they are the warm ones. I can't see a thing anymore. Just blurriness. I'm standing in the middle of the street. No cars interrupt this moment. No people walk by and break the monotony of the rain. I stand there for forever. This was the moment when my heart died.
Author richardcruz Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 To follow up with my story, About a year later, I am hanging out with my friend Eric and my ex comes up in the discussion. My friend tells me that he had been wanting to tell me something for a while but wanted to find the right time. It was about my ex and at the time he felt he couldn't tell me because I was going through bad depression. We'll turns out Eric's friends' wife worked at the same place as my Ex (now ex ex). My friend tells both Jeff and his wife that a buddy of his used to date some girl that used to work there. His wife all of a sudden chimes in and says.. Oh my God,I wonder if its _______. She used to tell all the girls at work how this guy that was chasing her around was so pathetic and that she could not get rid of him. She continued to tell me that the other girls were getting kind of sick of it because she was bragging about it constantly We'll turns out that this ex of hers was a guy named Cruz.. Yours truly Lesson Learned.
MenConfuseMe101 Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 That IS terrible, I am so very sorry.
soup Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 It hurts to get dumped of course. But you just don't hang around someone's work and try and get into their car. If someone has clearly said they don't want to be with you, however much it hurts, you still can't start stalking them. You're lucky she didn't get a restraining order. Maybe she was telling the people at work because she was scared that you had followed her there and tried to get into her car? I had to call the police because my ex hung around outside my house. I've had to hang up the phone after 15 calls before 7am. It's quite frightening when someone you cared about turns into an irrational creature who can't accept the way things are and has no care for how scared and oppressed they are making you feel.
Author richardcruz Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 Perhaps your right Soup. Everyone handles breakups differently, in both ends of the spectrum; as the dumper and as the dumpee. I learned immensely from this experience and it helped me grow into the person I am now. Years ago this was the way I handled things. Today(in my current breakup) I type up things like this to allow myself to heal instead. :-) Thanks for reading.
apollo2588 Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 That's a tough story cruz... and its good to see that you've moved on and grown up from those kind of actions. I'm sure few people here could say that they haven't had many of the same thoughts as you, I know I did. On a brighter note... you're a helluva writer
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