skyhilee Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Hello guys, I'm really looking for advice and I would love if you guys could help out. Basically, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years. We currently live together and have been living together for almost 2 years. We don't have many problems, just normal little fights here and there. A little over a month ago we had a little bigger disagreement and we argued about a day over it. The next night he came to me and said that he doesn't think he loves me anymore and that he has been struggling with it for awhile. He said he still loves me, he just doesn't think he is in love with me anymore. Of course I was very upset and cried and then he got very, very emotional and almost sick. I have never seen him break down so hard. We decided to take a break for the night and see how we felt in the morning. I still am in love with him and of course wanted to work it out. He came back the next morning and said he has never felt so much emotion in his life. He also decided to stay and try and make it work. Tonight was the first night I've brough it up again. He says he still is going through something and doesn't know if he is in love with me. Let me just say besides this everything is great. We spend hours upon hours together and have fun and always are in contact with each other when we aren't together. We still kiss and hug and he still is loving towards me in every way he can be. He just says he doesn't feel like he can say I love you and he is going through a weird time. This of course is very hard on me. I struggle with constant worry that he is going to leave me and everything we have had the past 5 years will be gone forever. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? I need to know what I can do to help myself get through it. I want to give him time, but I don't know how to do this without continuously obsessing over it. Do you think he could come back around or do you think the doubt is a sign of the end? Any advice is much appreciated. Thanks:) ...oh and if it helps at all he is 25-years-old.
oneheart Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Wow - that sounds like a real shock and I really feel for you *hug*. I can only really think that you need to set yourself some limits and get a plan going to occupy yourself so you don't go completely crazy. Maybe you should ask yourself if you are prepared to give him some time to think. Are you? If you are it's reasonable to ask him to if he wants to and when would he be prepared to discuss things in more detail. A week? A month? If you do have a break then you need to make sure that there are rules set down - things like no contact, no going off with other people etc... its up to you. In the mean time why don't you look to your friends and the part of you that is just you - I think you need to start taking extra care of yourself right now, that way you can strengthen yourself no matter which way the relationship goes.
Author skyhilee Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 Thanks! Yeah, I keep telling myself I have to start focusing on myself more. I'm in grad school right now so I do have a lot to keep me busy! I am wiling to give him time. The main reason is because I do feel like he is in love with me, I just think that he is getting scared of how far this relationship has gone and what that means for the future. He went through a lot this year. There was a death in his family and I think he was really scared about turing 25. I think all this just makes him hesitant. Like I said, it is not like he is pulling away in anything else. He still is super sweet and lovey towards me and not to say that is a good indication of if someone is in love, but what I mean is it isn't like he is checking out and ignoring me and not giving me attention you know? I think it always is an adjustment to deal with the changes of love. No, I don't go weak at the knees and always have butterflies like I used to when we first started dating, but he is my best friend and I at least have reached a place where my love for him I feel is more true than it was before because it is at a place of comfort and ultimate companionship. I'm just hoping he figures it out soon because yes, it is driving me a little crazy! I've always been so comfortable in our relationship and this was a huge shock.
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