Angel1111 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I saw the title of this thread when it was initially posted and I ignored it because I thought it was so dumb. Now that I've actually read it, I have to tell you that I honestly think it's written by a guy. So many men these days have isssues with paying for things, etc. that I think some guy posted this to get a reaction and to cause more men to develop this attitude. But, if it's for real, I have to say it's the first time I've ever heard any female say this kind of thing. And I have personally never thought that way. I don't date casually and I don't take relationships lightly. Right now, I don't want to be in a relationship so I don't date. I feel that if I did right now, it would be misleading and it would be a way of using someone. But, no matter how mad I've seen women get, I've never, ever heard a woman say this. What they usually say is that they're going to get back at the guy who hurt them. Not lash out at someone who had nothing to do with it. This isn't a normal reaction for a woman.
Angel1111 Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 (edited) How many times have men did that to women? I've had it happen to me so much. So, yes, I might still do it to some guy who's interested, even if it's not intentional. I will never let a guy get close to me again, that's over. I will make sure that never happens. Men screw over women so it's about time they got it back. Btw, the guy I like was one of those nice guys who got screwed over. If you're for real, then the answer is simple - stop dating and live your life like a nun. And I'm not being sarcastic or funny. I'm dead serious. If this is the way you feel about men, if you continually support this idea that you're a victim, then get completely out of the dating world and do something else with your life until you have healed emotionally. I have been married 3 times, have dated in between those times, and got involved with a MM for nearly 5 yrs. So, I can tell you that I'm pretty sick of relationships in every sense of the word. Because of that, I have decided to give myself a break from the whole thing. Taking time to just be with yourself can be very healing. It has given me time to reflect and heal. At this point, I can almost think about being with someone again now, but I'm still not totally there. The movie Runaway Bride reminds me very much of my own life (except that I didn't have the sense to run away). The runaway bride couldn't totally blame the guys that she was involved with because even though they had their issues, she did too because she didn't truly know herself. It was an interesting message in the movie and one that hit home with me. You will absolutely never, ever be in a healthy relationship until you heal yourself and recognize what you did to create the circumstances that you found yourself in. It appears to me that you fell into your past relationships way too fast and didn't use good judgement. I can look at a number of things I did that I shouldn't have done - and I ended up paying the price. Like marrying someone that I knew I wasn't compatible with, or marrying someone with anger issues, etc. Until you figure out where you went wrong, you won't ever come up with answers, you'll only continue to stay on the 'victim' path. Once you have healed, you'll stop attracting people in your life who cause you to feel victimized. I know this is true of myself - people that I once attracted into my life simply do not make an appearance in my life anymore. We don't resonante in any way and, therefore, they aren't anywhere around me. Maybe there's a deeper part of you that believes you don't deserve to be in a great relationship. Whatever it is, try to pinpoint it and then your can heal it. But, if all else fails, you may have to face the fact that you're barking up the wrong tree. Maybe you're not cut out for relationshps, maybe you were meant to do something else with your life. Edited February 21, 2010 by Angel1111
dreamingoftigers Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 There are a few things I would like to say. First of all I think it is sad when someone sets their heart on one person and loses that person. Second, I am a woman and have felt that way towards men on one occasion in my life, I was 20. I met a nice guy after a guy had done some pretty horrible things to me in a relationship. When some people come from dysfunctional backgrounds they can be lead to believe that they are either the aggressor or the victim. I was sick of being the victim so I thought the way to be the aggressor was to hurt a nice guy. Enter Nathan.... well our first official date I realize that this is a really nice guy who likes me and wants nice things with me. I DID NOT hurt him. I couldn't, I saw too much of that naive stuff that I saw in myself, we ended up dating for 3 years and becoming engaged. The ironic part is he left me at the altar. I still do not regret not being really mean to him. To me the anger was a blip on the screen in my whole life. I have a feeling if GGF went on a date with a nice guy (which she did not, she merely posted her anger and intentions to be a aggressor, because she is sick of being a victim) her heart would probably melt and she would feel bad. She is clearly an emotional person.
dreamingoftigers Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I really think this was someone using the internet to vent their frustrations and gather social opinions (which I think is actually healthier then vindictively using people). So maybe shaming the OP by calling her a bunch of names etc. may not be the way to go. I have seen people be far nicer to OM and OW and WS on here (not that I am saying that these people need to be bashed either, I am just saying that they may be doing or encouraging more emotional hurt then someone who hasn't actually gone out and used a guy etc yet.) I am not defending the OPs intended actions. I am just saying that for one night in my life, I can empathize, perhaps that night she posted was her one night. I hope no one judges you on one of the worst nights of your life.
Woggle Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I don't think that all women set out to hurt men but after years of chasing after the worst the male gender has to offer they go and blame all men instead of looking at their own choices. I also see how some women get a sick sense of satisfaction after they see a man being mistreated sort of like the way my coworkers high five each other about cheating on their husbands. I know some women who are not like this think I am making this stuff up but I see it everyday.
elaina Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 Hello TonyT, I read the thread starter and the first thing I thought is that this is no way to treat a fellow human. Nobody should be considered guilty just because another person of their gender or ethnicity or belief or whatever has hurt someone. If a girl ever used a friend or cousin like that, I would seriously be very angry, because I would not want them to be hurt emotionally or any other way. Men have feelings too, and are just as human as women. Bitterness is poison. Anyone who actually does that, I truly believe it will haunt them later, not in the form of ghosts lol but they are just hurting themselves when they deliberately hurt another person because they were hurt. That's no way to make the world a better place!!!
elaina Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I've never done it and never will. Those who do are obvious examples of the misery loves company phenomenon. They've been hurt, so they want everyone else to suffer right along with them. I don't feel that I've ever been "screwed over". Have I felt let down, disappointed, heartbroken? Sure. But I don't believe a man ever maliciously set out to hurt me. Men do some dumb things, but so do women. I believe that every guy I've had a serious relationship with really was trying to do his best, as was I -- in each case, it just wasn't the right fit. What it boils down to is that I didn't want to create and raise a family with any of those guys. And even if some jerk did really hurt me intentionally, it would be ludicrous to punish a completely different person for his bad behavior. Completely agree.
Star Gazer Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 First, please read the original post and the next few posts of the OP in the post linked to. Go here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=221722 Then, if you would tell me what you feel is the percentage of single women out there who feel this way or actually do this...I will give you half my winnings when I hit the lottery. I know a LOT of guys get used...and women get used as well...the one in the thread linked to above apparently got it big time. I'd like to know how many women would screw over a totally random, decent guy for what some other guys did to them. I really, really, really, really, really would love to know. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond! Luckily, they're rare. But they do exist. Just as there are men who have been royally screwed over who decide to take it upon themselves to hurt the women they date. A good EX-friend of mine felt the need to punish every man that came after her ex-BF. Her thought was, "If he could do this to me, than I can do it to anyone else." She explained this to me during an argument about a good guy friend of mine, whom she had started dating and was treating very poorly. As a result of that conversation, we are no longer friends.
Kamille Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I don't think that all women set out to hurt men but after years of chasing after the worst the male gender has to offer they go and blame all men instead of looking at their own choices. if anything, the responses to that thread (and this one) indicate that not all women fail to take responsibility for their own choices; the way I see it, as attested on here, there is a minority group in both genders who go after the worst the other gender has to offer and then go and blame 'all the other gender" instead of looking at their own choices. But that's a minority for both genders. I think you are doing yourself a disservice by generalizing the thoughts and actions of a minority of women to all women.
Alexz Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I read the post and couldn't believe how many I would never even consider something so cruel and ignorant. People are different and should be treated according to their own merits. Thank you. Such a true statement. I am a male, but I am not surprised by such a statement. As I am a cynic, I am not even slightly surprised there are such women who have such solipsistic and self-righteous, ego-driven commitments in their relationships. Such avarice is insatiable. That truly was a horrendous thread (the OP posted). No wonder I am cautious of all people and relationships I venture into.
stillafool Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 How many times have men did that to women? I've had it happen to me so much. So, yes, I might still do it to some guy who's interested, even if it's not intentional. I will never let a guy get close to me again, that's over. I will make sure that never happens. Men screw over women so it's about time they got it back. Btw, the guy I like was one of those nice guys who got screwed over. Oh Sweetie, don't do this. It will only bring more hurt in your life. Wish that guy who hurt you "the very best" and mean it, then walk on into the light. You cannot find happiness by hurting others. I know you are hurt but this is not the healthy attitude to move you forward to good things in your life. I don't know if you are a person who believes in prayer, but it has always gotten me through the rough times. Being bitter and acting it will only age you faster. You are better than that.
mortensorchid Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 It's hard not to be bitter about our pasts, no matter what the situation may be. But the person who allows themselves to be bitter about things from the past has truly lost and will fail at all things in life. You might be angry at the person who lied or cheated you, but remember they are still out there living their lives while you are living on the past saying "Whoa is me" and letting it affect what goes on today. I and others can say "Don't give up it's not too late for ___", but YOU have to believe that too. And when you do, you will have been all the better for it. Not too long ago, I ran into the bully who terrified me in junior high school. He was mean, abusive, and angry - hit girls and the boys who were smaller than him. His insults and abuse, calling me fat, lazy, useless, stupid and weird were hurtful and horrible, causing me to hurt myself A LOT. I became bulimic and got involved with losers because I didn't think I deserved anything better than that. But I didn't let his abuse hurt me anymore, I pulled myself up out of the gutter and decided to become the best person I could be and not let his rotten words chip away at my self esteem. I thanked him for his abuse, telling me that I had to see the darkness before I saw the light. He responded. He said I should be happy that no one ever sexually abused me, and that he thought I was just as weird as I was back then. Sorry? Of course not. But he didn't let me be a bitter person, instead he's still an abusive freak.
bac Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I'd like to know how many women would screw over a totally random, decent guy for what some other guys did to them. I really, really, really, really, really would love to know. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond! I would not do that. If I meet a good guy, I would consider it as a blessing and I will appreciate that.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I used to be pretty mercenary when it came to guys. I eventually realized that I wasn't hurting anyone but myself, and I stopped. You may think that taking out your revenge on random guys and hurting them is going to make you feel better, but let me tell you from experience: you will end up tired of soul and lonely of heart. Your revenge will affect no one but yourself. The guys you attempt to hurt? You will simply help them in the long run by showing them what to avoid in dating. I can also say that I was able to go for so long doing this because I was basically dead inside and nearly devoid of emotional capacity. I never attached to any of them. I see that you are nowhere near that state, and I can see you hooking some guy intending to hurt him, and end up falling for him and when you turn off the initial "bitchery" and start going gooey on him, he might realize that you aren't what you advertised and let you go. Thus, an endless cycle begins. It isn't as easy as it sounds to be a heartbreaker, GGF - you have too much heart for it, it seems.
Woggle Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 Very few people of either gender are going to admit to such behavior. Those that don't behave in such a way are far more likely to post. I will admit that between marriages I tried to be like this but I just not that cold blooded though I ashamed to admit that at my most hateful moments I wish I was.
Wicked Child Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 Girl, you are the freaking Hitler of dating. Think about it....You're going to punish innocent people because you are terminally attracted to d-bags? More importantly, you are going to do the same thing to other people that has apparently been done to you? Do you really think that you will feel vindicated after doing that? That makes you no better than the supposed jerks you've dated...That puts you in the same category as them. You're a damn sociopath (see definition, and italicized specifics below). Get help before you end up sharing a page in the history books with Ted Bundy. Sociopath: Glibness and Superficial Charm Manipulative and Conning They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims. Grandiose Sense of Self Feels entitled to certain things as "their right." Pathological Lying Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests. Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way. Shallow Emotions When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises. Incapacity for Love Need for Stimulation Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common. Callousness/Lack of Empathy Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them. Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others. Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc. Irresponsibility/Unreliability Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed. Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts. Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively. Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily. Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them Authoritarian Secretive Paranoid Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired Conventional appearance Goal of enslavement of their victim(s) Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love) Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim Incapable of real human attachment to another Unable to feel remorse or guilt Extreme narcissism and grandiose May state readily that their goal is to rule the world
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