Ruby Slippers Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I've never done it and never will. Those who do are obvious examples of the misery loves company phenomenon. They've been hurt, so they want everyone else to suffer right along with them. I don't feel that I've ever been "screwed over". Have I felt let down, disappointed, heartbroken? Sure. But I don't believe a man ever maliciously set out to hurt me. Men do some dumb things, but so do women. I believe that every guy I've had a serious relationship with really was trying to do his best, as was I -- in each case, it just wasn't the right fit. What it boils down to is that I didn't want to create and raise a family with any of those guys. And even if some jerk did really hurt me intentionally, it would be ludicrous to punish a completely different person for his bad behavior.
Rulebreaker Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 LOL. Who would have thought that the key to getting a really awesome blowjob is to hurt somebody's feelings...Women Just reminding them what they're missing. I know, counterintuitive and like I said, I don't do it anymore
donnamaybe Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 NEVER would I mess with some poor, unsuspecting guy like that!
greatgirlfriend Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 So only after you had enough of the *********s f*cking you over did you go back to this guy, effectively treating him even worse than sloppy seconds... Is this correct? If so, why are you surprised at him not wanting a relationship with you? I reckon you got a pretty good deal, if I was him I wouldn't have even offered you a friendship, I would have just told you to get lost and go back to chasing rich boys, playaz & bad c*ntz. He had every right to stop considering you as a serious potential after the way you treated him in the past. I got no sympathy for women like you at all. YOU chose to go after the wrong guys in your younger years and now YOU have to deal with the consequences of your decisions. No, at the time I wasn't ready for a relationship. It has nothing to do with treating him bad.
greatgirlfriend Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I've never even used the guise of a relationship to have sex with a woman. I've never pulled the "let's be friends" BS & never once flaked on a woman after telling her I liked her. Personally I think greatgirlfriend was acting like what is between her legs was buried treasure & he sailed off to find some other booty. Now she's bitter that the guy wasn't as smitten with her as she wanted. No, he doesn't believe in casual sex.
greatgirlfriend Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 No, I am not a troll, just someone who's hurting bad inside. This is someone I was friends with for years, and one whom I realized was the one. Then when we reconnected and spent hours chatting and realized we had the same interests, views, goals, hobbies, I felt there was a reason we reconnected. I even had a dream that night about marriage, and it was the first marriage dream I ever had. In fact years ago I didn't want to marry.
boogieboy Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Just so you know Tony, GG did not get used by the guy shes angry about. She just got her hopes up prematurely. I couldnt possibly use women out of anger, for something that was MY fault.
greatgirlfriend Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Just so you know Tony, GG did not get used by the guy shes angry about. She just got her hopes up prematurely. I couldnt possibly use women out of anger, for something that was MY fault. Because he said he was ready to date again. That's why I keep hoping that as we spend more time together just doing things that he'll see he likes me.
whichwayisup Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 GG, you cannot 'force' someone to like you, fall inlove with you, want you. If you force this YOU will get hurt again!
greatgirlfriend Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 GG, you cannot 'force' someone to like you, fall inlove with you, want you. If you force this YOU will get hurt again! I'm not "forcing" him to fall in love, just that once he spends time with me he might. It's not a situation where he doesn't like me, he does. He's just terribly hurt from a previous relationship where he was abused. He's scared of falling for anyone. In his mind women are only out to hurt him, and I never hurt him but he doesn't know that. Yes, if we spend time together more and he's still this way then it's a lost cause. I can relate to him because I had the same thing happen to me years ago and it took years to recover. Plus I am the first woman he's considered getting involved with since the gold digger, and the fact that I wasn't always nice to him in the past (because he liked me then but I was coming out of a bad relationship). This is why I have some hope. I don't know if he can recover but I've known someone in this exact situation and they did recover.
Rulebreaker Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Yeah - I haven't read the original thread but that's what it sounds like to me. I also don't think you would actually go through with it if the guy were nice and into you because you would realize that hurting someone for the sake of hurting them will not actually make you feel better. However, the fantasy isn't per se unhealthy, and you will feel better with time.
whichwayisup Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 So let me ask you..Since you see this guys pain, you've been through your own pain, why on EARTH would you want to willingly and knowingly screw someone else, an innocent guy over?? Why would you do this to someone, and inflict pain on them, maybe to the point that THEY would need therapy for a long time after you f*.cking them over????? Do you see what I'm getting at here?
greatgirlfriend Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Yeah - I haven't read the original thread but that's what it sounds like to me. I also don't think you would actually go through with it if the guy were nice and into you because you would realize that hurting someone for the sake of hurting them will not actually make you feel better. However, the fantasy isn't per se unhealthy, and you will feel better with time. In my past (10+ years ago) I had a history of pushing away nice guys. Not really being mean, just afraid of a relationship. That's what I did to him many years ago when he showed an interest. Now he's doing the same thing and for the same reason (terrible relationship). I know someone will say I got what I deserved, but no I didn't. What I did was many years ago and learned my lesson, and have gotten it back many times over. Since then I no longer date jerks, instead nice guys, of which he was one. This is why this hurts terribly. I realized too late I liked him. That's why I am giving him space and letting him contact me. Maybe in time he will want to date me. Maybe not, but at least I tried.
greatgirlfriend Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 So let me ask you..Since you see this guys pain, you've been through your own pain, why on EARTH would you want to willingly and knowingly screw someone else, an innocent guy over?? Why would you do this to someone, and inflict pain on them, maybe to the point that THEY would need therapy for a long time after you f*.cking them over????? Do you see what I'm getting at here? Because if I can't have this guy I don't want another to get close to me.
Rulebreaker Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 In my past (10+ years ago) I had a history of pushing away nice guys. Not really being mean, just afraid of a relationship. That's what I did to him many years ago when he showed an interest. Now he's doing the same thing and for the same reason (terrible relationship). I know someone will say I got what I deserved, but no I didn't. What I did was many years ago and learned my lesson, and have gotten it back many times over. Since then I no longer date jerks, instead nice guys, of which he was one. This is why this hurts terribly. I realized too late I liked him. That's why I am giving him space and letting him contact me. Maybe in time he will want to date me. Maybe not, but at least I tried. Yeah, you can't control him, but in the meantime you should try slowly to focus your thoughts on moving on - in a healthy rather than a destructive way - rather than hoping he will contact you. In my experience the guy only contacts you when you are TRULY over him, and by that time it won't matter to you whether he does or not. So you don't have anything to lose with this attitude. There are sooo many good guys out there - maybe you weren't ready for one before, but you are now. So have a little faith in the universe and immerse yourself in your own life until then.
whichwayisup Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Because if I can't have this guy I don't want another to get close to me. Fine. Then DO NOT DATE ANY OTHER GUYS!! Do you NOT see how f8cked up it is to go after a guy and hurt them for one purpose, to make yourself feel better??? Do you get what I'm trying to say to you?
greatgirlfriend Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Yeah, you can't control him, but in the meantime you should try slowly to focus your thoughts on moving on - in a healthy rather than a destructive way - rather than hoping he will contact you. In my experience the guy only contacts you when you are TRULY over him, and by that time it won't matter to you whether he does or not. So you don't have anything to lose with this attitude. There are sooo many good guys out there - maybe you weren't ready for one before, but you are now. So have a little faith in the universe and immerse yourself in your own life until then. No, he will contact me, he said he plans on coming over in a few weeks again. This is whatI mean, it's not a situation where he says "let's be friends" then we don't talk. Not that way at all. He wants to spend time with me as friends, because he likes me. The sad fact is there aren't many good never married, no kids 40 year old guys out there looking to eventually marry or get serious. The few ones are either morbidly obese, have no jobs or worse.
Rulebreaker Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 No, he will contact me, he said he plans on coming over in a few weeks again. This is whatI mean, it's not a situation where he says "let's be friends" then we don't talk. Not that way at all. He wants to spend time with me as friends, because he likes me. The sad fact is there aren't many good never married, no kids 40 year old guys out there looking to eventually marry or get serious. The few ones are either morbidly obese, have no jobs or worse. I would avoid this attitude. It can be tough out there, but those guys do exist. I know at least 2 without even thinking about it. Also, people with this attitude tend to exude negative energy, which will make it less likely to find a meaningful relationship. Why do you require never married? I understand no kids, but you should consider removing that as a requirement.
Lizzie60 Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Naaahhh... I wouldn't hurt someone who had nothing to do with my pain... that would be my issues... and only mine to deal with... I was angry at a guy a few months ago (condo guy) (hurt is not the proper word, I got over it in less than 2 weeks.. ) and I wanted to really 'hurt' him in some ways.. but it just passed.. He called recently and I told him he was a moron and I didn't want anything to do with him anymore.. so that's it... I moved on... Life is too short to hold grudges .... plus it's not like I can't have other guys... I have already too much... sometimes on my hands... It is very immature IMO to want to hurt innocent people... (kind of stupid .. really... )
greatgirlfriend Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I would avoid this attitude. It can be tough out there, but those guys do exist. I know at least 2 without even thinking about it. Also, people with this attitude tend to exude negative energy, which will make it less likely to find a meaningful relationship. Why do you require never married? I understand no kids, but you should consider removing that as a requirement. Because I am Catholic and want a Catholic wedding.
Kamille Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 LOL. Who would have thought that the key to getting a really awesome blowjob is to hurt somebody's feelings...Women Correction! Not Women... A woman. In this case this is something a particular woman did at one point in her life. I'm sure the majority of us never did this, no offense to Rulebreaker. Just like GG would do good to distinguish between the men she allows and invites in her life and all men, it is good to distinguish between the behavior one one woman and not generalize it to all women. Else, both genders will keep setting low standards for their potential partners and keep cycling through bad relationships.
Ariadne Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 tell me what you feel is the percentage of single women out there who feel this way or actually do this...I know a LOT of guys get used. I don't think anybody thinks that way. Girls may say something like that when they are mad: I will make men crawl after me and buy me things, etc, but nobody actually goes to do that or it would be very odd at least. Men do get used, but that is usually when they are partnered with women who don't love them. Their disregard for them keeps getting bigger, but they are somehow stuck in that situation and may resort to shopping, drinking, drugs, and so on.
threebyfate Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Just like GG would do good to distinguish between the men she allows and invites in her life and all men, it is good to distinguish between the behavior one one woman and not generalize it to all women. Else, both genders will keep setting low standards for their potential partners and keep cycling through bad relationships.Yup, that's pretty much it. When you get into mass generalizations, it's the lazy and immature way to handle your own issues. Also, this type of behaviour tends to convert to lashing out at the other gender, just to get rid of your own personal hurts, from one or two individuals.
Jenn90 Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 I have to admit i have used some guys for money:o but it's kinda hard to avoid sometimes when they seem so willing to spend money on you:D But i would never do it the way she describes that is just mean.
FreeNow Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 a "nice guy" who you always liked but bypassed because he wasn't hot back then -OR- No, I didn't give him a chance because at the time I was interested in other guys. -OR- No, at the time I wasn't ready for a relationship. -AND THEN- Because I am Catholic and want a Catholic wedding. Sometimes there are worse things than gold diggers... soul diggers and emotional vampires.
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