Tony T Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 First, please read the original post and the next few posts of the OP in the post linked to. Go here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=221722 Then, if you would tell me what you feel is the percentage of single women out there who feel this way or actually do this...I will give you half my winnings when I hit the lottery. I know a LOT of guys get used...and women get used as well...the one in the thread linked to above apparently got it big time. I'd like to know how many women would screw over a totally random, decent guy for what some other guys did to them. I really, really, really, really, really would love to know. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond!
threebyfate Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 The only men I've ever deliberately screwed over, were known players. Beyond that, I wouldn't deliberately use an innocent man who was honestly interested in me.
Kamille Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I was shocked by the thread but had been kind of following the poster's threads and knew there would come a moment when she would have to face disillusion. What shocked me most was the poster who reported that she and her friends did this just for kicks and actually had a code for it. I guess this explains why my friends and I tend to be happy in love; while I heard of women using men in this way, I have never witnessed it in my rather large circle of friends. (I have 11 'best friends' (ie we keep each other updated about our love lives). None of them ever pulled a stunt like that. And some of them were hurt pretty badly.
IrishCarBomb Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I used to think the therapy "boom" of recent years was generally B.S., and people needed to "suck it up" and deal with their own problems. If many of the LoveShack posts don't convince you that many people need serious therapy towards their personal relationships, nothing will. I've dated a few women where it became clear that they had either been seriously betrayed by other men, or just could not be happy (always needed drama/conflict). Their mental process just could not grasp that *MAYBE* I wasn't lying to them every day, and *MAYBE* I wasn't planning to screw them over, and *MAYBE-ghasp!-* I wasn't looking to cheat on them. I really didn't want to be another guy to disappoint them in their relationships, but there's only so much abuse a guy can take. Ironically, when I left them they rationalized it to confirm that "there are no good men out there." It's a shame they can't easily get out of this downward spiral, but it looks like therapy does help some people that honestly want to help themselves.
greatgirlfriend Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 (edited) How many times have men did that to women? I've had it happen to me so much. So, yes, I might still do it to some guy who's interested, even if it's not intentional. I will never let a guy get close to me again, that's over. I will make sure that never happens. Men screw over women so it's about time they got it back. Btw, the guy I like was one of those nice guys who got screwed over. Edited February 18, 2010 by greatgirlfriend
Twenty-ten Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 No, never. Not even at my lowest points did I want to seek revenge on totally innocent random guys. Only wanted "justice"/revenge with the men that I felt wronged by but that passed, as the pain went away.
sugarmomma Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I read the post and couldn't believe how many responses it received. I thought it was extremely immature and cold to just plan to treat men in such a way. I would never even consider something so cruel and ignorant. People are different and should be treated according to their own merits. I thought the OP was a little disturbed honestly so I didn't bother to even respond.
Stung Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I went through a phase in my late teens-early 20s when I was something of a dysfunctional maneater, continually involved in painful relationships. This was not deliberate on my part, however, but reactionary; I was deeply traumatized by abuse and struggling to emerge from a very dark period, full of mistrust and lashing out subconsciously. I underwent long periods of introspection and celibacy dosed liberally with therapy and education to help myself grow beyond this and become a more whole and healed, albeit still scarred, person. I have of course been frustrated in the dating world even after I was beyond my 'healing' point and at times sunk into negativity, but I would never have purposely taken this negativity out on an innocent bystander. Displacement only perpetuates the cycle for others, why turn yourself into a link in a chain of hurt and dysfunction on purpose? If you can't rise above at the very least focus your anger onto someone who specifically deserves it rather than dispersing it across an entire gender or firing it blindly at the next person you see. I have known both men and women, friends of mine IRL, to experience the desire to sink to this level, to hurt others because they were hurting, and so far I believe I have been successful at talking most of them out of it...usually they just needed to vent some spleen, and eventually they felt better and were ready to get back into the game. I have in the past seen other threads where men took a similarly gross stance to that in the linked OP and advocated using women for sportf*cking then discarding them in order to make the men feel superior and to get over some past hurt. I like to think/hope both greatgirlfriend and any others who have chimed in hatefully advocating any such behavior across these boards, male or female, are just exorcising some emotional demons by lashing out typographically, and they will have settled into a more reasonable thought process by the time they actually start dating again. Fingers crossed, anyway.
sugarmomma Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 (edited) How many times have men did that to women? I've had it happen to me so much. So, yes, I might still do it to some guy who's interested, even if it's not intentional. I will never let a guy get close to me again, that's over. I will make sure that never happens. Men screw over women so it's about time they got it back. Btw, the guy I like was one of those nice guys who got screwed over. How about just becoming a better judge of character??? Hurt people hurt people. So sad. Edited February 18, 2010 by sugarmomma spelling
greatgirlfriend Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 How about just becoming a better judge of character??? Hurt people hurt people. So sad. Like I said, this was a "nice guy". So I am a good judge of character.
greatgirlfriend Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I read the post and couldn't believe how many responses it received. I thought it was extremely immature and cold to just plan to treat men in such a way. I would never even consider something so cruel and ignorant. People are different and should be treated according to their own merits. I thought the OP was a little disturbed honestly so I didn't bother to even respond. Disturbed? How would you feel if you stopped dating because you got scammed by many guys, only to reconnect with a "nice guy" who you always liked but bypassed because he wasn't hot back then? Then you see him, realize the chemistry is there, you sit and talk with him, then you find out he decided after all he wasn't into a relationship? I'm sure you wouldn't be happy.
sugarmomma Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 How many times have men did that to women? I've had it happen to me so much. A good judge of character and it happened to you so many times? Idon't think so. There are always red flags/signs/intuition that alerts us when someone is not sincere. I really wish you the best. Just know that what you fear you create.
2sunny Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 no, i would not do that. it shows a character flaw - in a big way.
sugarmomma Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Disturbed? How would you feel if you stopped dating because you got scammed by many guys, only to reconnect with a "nice guy" who you always liked but bypassed because he wasn't hot back then? Then you see him, realize the chemistry is there, you sit and talk with him, then you find out he decided after all he wasn't into a relationship? I'm sure you wouldn't be happy. I would have found out what his intentions were before I got my feelings involved. You have a responsibility to protect your heart, not the other person.
2sunny Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Disturbed? How would you feel if you stopped dating because you got scammed by many guys, only to reconnect with a "nice guy" who you always liked but bypassed because he wasn't hot back then? Then you see him, realize the chemistry is there, you sit and talk with him, then you find out he decided after all he wasn't into a relationship? I'm sure you wouldn't be happy. to not be happy - is totally different than being vindictive and purposefully mean and nasty. i shudder for the next man you date.
greatgirlfriend Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I would have found out what his intentions were before I got my feelings involved. You have a responsibility to protect your heart, not the other person. I asked him his intentions, and he said to have me fall in love with him. That's what he said. Contrary to what people may believe, I've always been the nice girl who fell too soon and got my heart burnt many times. Have I done the same? Sure, and I was mean a few times. Since it's obvious nice people don't win, next time I will be a bitch. Luckily I have the looks to pull this off.
sugarmomma Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I asked him his intentions, and he said to have me fall in love with him. That's what he said. See. That's where you need to learn to read between the lines. He didn't say he wanted to fall in love with you. Besides every smart woman knows to judge a man based on his actions, not his words. Words are cheap, so stop falling for them. I tell men "don't speak about it, BE about it". Anyway you won't get 250 posts out of me about this foolish topic. Good Luck being a bitch!! Hope that works out for you.
pandagirl Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I would never feel so sorry for myself that I'd treat someone like that.
hats Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Disturbed? How would you feel if you stopped dating because you got scammed by many guys, only to reconnect with a "nice guy" who you always liked but bypassed because he wasn't hot back then? Then you see him, realize the chemistry is there, you sit and talk with him, then you find out he decided after all he wasn't into a relationship? I'm sure you wouldn't be happy. Lol, so basically you wouldn't give this guy the time of day because he was a "nice guy", got burned by all the bad boys you picked over him so you finally decided to give him a chance, and then he said, too bad! Yes the world is truely an unfair place!
Lindarose84 Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I'd never screw over other guys out of revenge for the actions of other men. I want to be able to judge the *********s who used me because I know I'm above that. Can't really do that if I stoop to their level. It's just not worth the mental anguish because in the end, you're really only just hurting yourself. greatgirlfriend, where will you be after years of just using men out of revenge? Nowhere. You'll just be a 40- or 50-something year old single, alone, and bitter woman. So who exactly is being screwed here?
greatgirlfriend Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 No, I didn't give him a chance because at the time I was interested in other guys.
Malenfant Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 i understand a person being jaded about the opposite sex because of past experiences, but the sensible thing to do in this situation is just to not date anyone until you've got over it. Delibrately treating a new man badly just because some other men have done you wrong in the past is a reckless, immature thing to do. its just passing on the hate, ultimately a very nice guy will be treated like sh*t, and maybe he'll then become jaded about women, and decide to treat women badly because of original poster's unjustified actions. if you're only going to date to treat them badly, dont bother dating.
soup Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I'm surprised nobody has already said this but: CAN'T YOU SEE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "A GUY" AND "ALL GUYS". I once got mugged by a black person so I'm going to hurt black people. A french person was rude to me so I'm going to be rude to some French people. A dog bit me so all dogs should be exterminated. People like this start wars.
Simon Attwood Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I'm often amused at how ironic the user names are that people choose ...
Citizen Erased Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Would never even occur to me to do such a thing. I like to be able to actually sleep at night.
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