nukeplus Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I posted a few weeks ago about my girlfriend of 2 years suddenly calling things off right at xmas and never telling me why. Since then we have gone to TN, see each other 4 or 5 nights a week, and have been perfectly normal and happy, but very plutonic. I never doubted she still had/has strong feelings, but could not figure out what the problem is. Quick history - Both divorced with 2 boys each under 10. Her ex lives about 6 hours away and they meet half way every 2 weeks to exchange the kids. Her youngest is having very tough time and it is tearing her apart. Making her question her motherly abilities, etc. She is a great mom and he needs to be seeing a counselor. Today we were discussing a cruise that we booked 3 months ago and she was asking about whether we should still go, etc. Of course I want to. I want to spend the rest of my life with her and figured she was under a lot of stress, still loves me (see each other all the time and can just tell). Then she tells me that there is something she hasn't told anyone yet, but will explain a lot of what's been going on. Of course all types of stuff runs through my mind, but she says she is moving to where their dad is. She believes this is best for the kids and plans to move in June. I am completely caught off guard and we both start crying. We've talked on the phone some this evening and she said aside from thinking its better for the kids, she needs help and has no one here (family). He left her and moved away when their youngest was ONE month old and has always tried to get her up there. I know she isn't looking to work things out with him (he has a newborn on the way). This whole time I am thinking that she just needs some time and things will work out fine and then this. Having kids, I can't argue that the kids come first, but I don't see how this move will resolve the issue with the youngest, although it will give her more support and breaks. I told her how I love her and her kids to death and would love to be that "help" and then it goes back to them needing their dad. I guess I am really just venting, but also wish I could find a way to convince her not to go. I know she loves me, but she had very bad childhood and determined to do whatever she can for her boys. Anyway, just completely broke my heart and now I don't know how I should handle the time before she leaves. I want to see her and can't make myself just stop loving her all of a sudden. Thoughts/suggestions?
MenConfuseMe101 Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Thank you for writing on my post. Yours does seem out of the blue too. I really dont have much advice since my breakup just happened tonight but just wanted you to know I feel for you and it must be so hard, I am sorry. I thank God I dont have kids involved to make it so much more difficult. (hugs and prayers)
Author nukeplus Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 Thank you! Thank God I have my twin boys here, but when you know you've found the right person and it's going to end because of something so completely out of your control it seems to make it so much harder. Would have rather heard she had found another person because then maybe she realizes the grass isn't greener.
Author nukeplus Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 Do I continue to take advantage of our time, be supportive and let her know how I feel or do I start to pull away? My personal thought is things have been so good there is no reason to not enjoy the time we have left because if and when she moves its still going to hurt.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I'm sorry to hear that, but seriously this doesnt make sense. Why would she move so far away to the vicinity of her ex, the ex can pay child support by mail or check. Is she moving because she wants the kids to see him? Whyu cant he fly them out there or pick them up himself. Why is she uprooting the kids to be closer to their father, he has a new child on the way what makes her think he will have time and attention for them??? I'd say just enjoy your time together and let her go slowly. I'll never understand this. Doesnt she have parents, family in the area??? wtf?
Author nukeplus Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 She has zero family anywhere around and the support she is looking for is a break from the little one causing all of the issues. He is an attorney, but just lost his job so money is an issue with the flying. She just thinks the kids need to see him more, plus his parents and family live there so she has them to fall back on even though they don't get along too well.
Author nukeplus Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 and I told her that his time, or at least a lot of it will be taken up with the new born. I think she is more looking at his family (grandparents, etc) for the extra help. My deal is I would love to be that help since I don't have my kids that often.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 She is making a bad decision. a stupid decision. I think the grandparents would care for the small boys but not for her, does she has plans to find employment out there. why is she leaning on these people so hard. Does she really think they give a damn about her? Why cant she stand on her own two? She's using the ex's family for financial and emotional support. Trust me, they will tire of it!!
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