bracemyself Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 im 31 and have only slept with 2 guys. one a long term bf and the other a guy i dated but then we had sex one time and realized i didnt like him i used to model and still try to stay in shape and good looking. i put on weight after a bad car accident, but am a curvy size 6 which isnt huge. i have been dating my bf 10 months. i am moving where he lives for him and a new job in mid March. (spring) even though he is 3 hours away, weve spent all major holidays together, plus our birthday, super bowl party, etc. recently though he has started to ever so slightly criticize me. i have no problem if someone is being helpful. but what he says sounds more like little insults. he has started asking me why i dont wear my hair more modern and flowing .. that was fine, but then he said why is nt my hairstyle more 'normal' i have this red hair that i wear slightly pinned back but flowing so he wants to change my hair. i like to color my hair for fun. but he keeps suggesting platinum blonde, even though im always red or regular blonde. and now he's started always focusing on how well my cleavage looks in shirts. he complains if my breasts look pushed together. also he knows im trying to los e alittle weight. i mentioned out loud i should. he was sarcastic and said no why dont i put on a few more pounds (he likes skinny so he wasnt being serious) So the fact that he is critical made me think he is comparing me to another girl. When he was tipsy he let it slip that he has been talking again to the last girl he dated before me. i am close friends with his brother who had told me he had her on a pedestal. she left him for her ex-boyfriend. turns out they broke up again in late October (her and her ex) he describes his ex as super thin, rich, exotic. anyway, when we were driving one of his two cars he mentioned out o the blue that she "says" he drives differently in his every day honda accord compared to his newer audi car. i then asked why he was using 'present tense' and mentioning her. he was sarcastic and said oh she was in his car last night, ouch. still i thought he was joking. now this is the worst most damning part of all. when he was tipsy and we were talking on the phone he was telling me about some stupid show he watched that night. ;millionaire matchmaker' he said how rich 45 yr olds think they can get 22 year olds even if they re unattractive he hen made a joke that 22 year old sex is best. i asked im why he would say that. he then put blame on his younger brother and said his brother said that. uh huh. so later on i was checking his very complicated and hard to navigate new DROID phone for weather and driving directions last week. i clicked on mail and saw his ex girlfriend and he are writing regularly. it didnt seem that flirty. but i noticed him asking her when she would be in town and what she is doing. he never mentioned me. then i clicked on his trash folder because i was finally annoyed. there were about 8 emails back and forth between him and some girl who kept mentioning craigslist and describing her looks to him. that she is a '22 year old' 5'11 paralegal. she then asked him how do we do this, do we exchange photos..... hmmm so they apparently exchanged photos and he complimented her legs and she said he had a nice smile. im very confused and hurt also we've only been doing oral sex. not actual sex. ive asked him why a few times and he always says i seem pure and untouched (but he knows im NOT a virgin) what do i do ? run away or confront him ? i do love him and we had a great valentine's day weekend together in spite of all this stuff i found out about him. he took me to lovely dinner, thoughtful gifts and sweet card.
imbetteroffalone Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 You deserve better!! You should wait and not move yet. Sounds like maybe he is trying to sabotage the relationship by being mean to you cuz he doesn't have the balls to just break up with you. You can "play the game", be hard to get, etc., but you will never really know unless you ask him. And he my very well lie to you.
sunrae Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 You need to sit down with him and have a long conversation before you move for this guy. If you are going to move to be with him and start a future with him, these are things you should be able to talk about. If he truely cares about you and wants to continue a relationship with you in the future, he should be able to answer your questions and concerns fully, so you have no doubts.
paddington bear Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 He is being mean to you so that you do the dumping...or.... he is a control freak, trying to belittle you so that your self-esteem gets screwed into the ground, meaning that you'll stay with him because you don't think you can get any better. If you keep listening to this kind of stuff, you will start to believe it. Talking or emails to other girls another red flag. At a size 6 you are not too fat, so get that thought out of your head. What are you going to do? Lose weight, change your hair colour, not push your boobs together and then he'll pick on something else and something else. Basically, these constant, controlling, confidence-ruining criticisms will never end.
boogieboy Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Yep, hes shopping around for someone new and keeping you for a backup in the meantime. Also, he doesnt have sex with you because he's not attracted to you anymore. You need to drop him now and find someone who appreciates you. Since he is 3 hours away, at this point, he is probably seeing someone close to him anyway.
SuburbanOblivion Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 The Craigslist thing is him arranging to meet a woman for sex. I'm sorry to be blunt, but that's what it is. Dump this guy, he is clearly cheating on you.
Author bracemyself Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 He is being mean to you so that you do the dumping...or.... he is a control freak, trying to belittle you so that your self-esteem gets screwed into the ground, meaning that you'll stay with him because you don't think you can get any better. If you keep listening to this kind of stuff, you will start to believe it. Talking or emails to other girls another red flag. At a size 6 you are not too fat, so get that thought out of your head. What are you going to do? Lose weight, change your hair colour, not push your boobs together and then he'll pick on something else and something else. Basically, these constant, controlling, confidence-ruining criticisms will never end. i should add that in the same day he complained about my hair and bra he then later referred to me as a 'hot redhead' when we were driving. he considers himself good looking, so i dont see why he would want to quash my self esteem.
Author bracemyself Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 Yep, hes shopping around for someone new and keeping you for a backup in the meantime. Also, he doesnt have sex with you because he's not attracted to you anymore. You need to drop him now and find someone who appreciates you. Since he is 3 hours away, at this point, he is probably seeing someone close to him anyway. i dont see how he is seriously dating anyone else. his exgf had a bad relationship a couple years before him and told him she really doesnt do relationships anymore. so for all i know he is just casually hooking up with her while she is in town (she is a high powered executive who travels and vacations all the time) and i suppose that the craigslist thing is the most damning of all. my brain figuratively fried itself scrambling to comprehend his emails to the cl ho. the title of their email was "fun nice chick" i also then typed in craigslist to his browser and an outdated deleted link titled 'fun nice chick' popped up. i dont know if he ever went thru with it. but the fact he joked about 'sex with 22 year olds being best' bothered me. I did mention it to my friend/his brother that he was making such a joke. I like his brother as a good friend, but sometimes i thinks he tattles on me and tells my bf what i privately share.
SuburbanOblivion Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 so for all i know he is just casually hooking up with her while she is in town (she is a high powered executive who travels and vacations all the time) ..... i dont know if he ever went thru with it. What does it matter? You'd rather wait around for a loser who is actively trying to cheat to actually do it? The trying is just as bad as the doing. Grow a pair, seriously. You are worth more than this.
Phateless Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Whatever you do, DO NOT move for him. Him moving away could be the best thing that ever happened to you. He's being downright cruel. Time to go.
GorillaTheater Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Jesus, the things people willingly subject themselves to.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Dump this loser! How is this even in question?
Awesome Username Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Yep, hes shopping around for someone new and keeping you for a backup in the meantime. Also, he doesnt have sex with you because he's not attracted to you anymore. You need to drop him now and find someone who appreciates you. Since he is 3 hours away, at this point, he is probably seeing someone close to him anyway. I second this post. This guy is a jerk.
meerkat stew Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 You don't need this garbage, he sounds like a "jackass of all trades" in the ways he has insulted you. Size 6? Unless you are 3 feet tall, it's unlikely it has anything to do with your looks or weight, he's just an ass. Say byebye and best wishes for other options.
sonicranger Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 i used to model and still try to stay in shape and good looking. i put on weight after a bad car accident, but am a curvy size 6 which isnt huge. also he knows im trying to los e alittle weight. i mentioned out loud i should. he was sarcastic and said no why dont i put on a few more pounds (he likes skinny so he wasnt being serious) also we've only been doing oral sex. not actual sex. ive asked him why a few times and he always says i seem pure and untouched (but he knows im NOT a virgin) what do i do ? r So, if you REALLY are a size 6, depending on your height, you're what 120-150 pounds or so...if he thinks that you are "FAT" or "CHUBBY" and he's admitted to you that he "likes skinny girls" then WTF ARE YOU DOING WITH HIM? There are PLENTY of guys out there that WANT A SIZE 6 woman. Seriously. Second, you're only having "oral sex" meaning you're giving him blowjobs all of the time and he's doing NOTHING in return? I find it hard to believe that he goes down on you but won't have sex with you. Is this correct? I'm sorry to sound so harsh but based on what YOU'VE said, you need a new boyfriend. Your boyfriend should be happy that you're a size anything, that you've got hot, sexy, flowing red hair amongst other things. Good Luck.
Author bracemyself Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 (edited) You don't need this garbage, he sounds like a "jackass of all trades" in the ways he has insulted you. Size 6? Unless you are 3 feet tall, it's unlikely it has anything to do with your looks or weight, he's just an ass. Say byebye and best wishes for other options. I'm 5'5 Anyway I feel like such a headcase right now. I've kept writing him little emails on facebook the last two days. Unlike his behavior for the last couple of years as friends, he now is ignoring 98% of what im writing. Just is writing super short comments. He called me last night but mainly to complain about his job. And now today I wrote him a couple of emails and nada. Edited February 18, 2010 by bracemyself
meerkat stew Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Can't overemphasize what a mistake it will be for you to move to this guy in March. Try to dig up some posts in the breakup forum on no contact, which is what you need to do, dump this guy and give him a couple months of absolute silence while you get over it and find someone better. The texts you found are the only ones you found, your BF is a cheater, no doubt about it.
Twenty-ten Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I'm 5'5 Still though you are going to develop a complex about your body because of this grade A asswhole. Get rid of him, as many others said you should be with someone way WAY better. Tell him he should get a lobotomy.
4givrnt4gtr Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 rrruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!
whichwayisup Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 Do not move for him. Don't give up your life for this guy... He's being a real disrespectful JERK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, lay it out for him and do it on the phone or face to face. Emails aren't working as he's ignoring them. He should love you for who you are, not push for what he thinks you "should" be. Think about this, talk to your friends, your family (if you are close with your parents, siblings), see what they think of this.. Anyway, if I were you, I wouldn't move and give up my life for this guy. He's messing around, not being honest, and he's a JERK.
BettyBoop Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 Unlike his behavior for the last couple of years as friends, he now is ignoring 98% of what im writing. Just is writing super short comments. He called me last night but mainly to complain about his job. And now today I wrote him a couple of emails and nada. That should be signs enough besides all his rude comments to you. If my boyfriend told me "22 year olds are the best to have sex with" - I'd tell him to go f*ck one of those then because he sure as hell wouldn't be f*cking me anymore. That's is just stupidly hurtful comments! A guy who loves and respects you won't do the things he is doing to you. A guy who loves you would WANT to have sex with you and wouldn't just call to complain on the phone while ignoring all the other messages and emails! Moving for this guy would be a huge mistake. He is NOT worth it.
LexiB Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 umm...do you even need advice here? babe, just read your post.
rina_r Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 You are beautiful! And you b/f is mean and controlling. I used to live with one who told me what color to dye my hair and what perfume to wear and bought my clothes...he was dumped fast!!
Template Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 There is an element of respect here, and that it's clearly not given to you. Size 6 and 5'5", with flowing red hair, puhleeze girl, I don't have to see you and I know you are beautiful. This dude is a joke, and more importantly, what is it about him YOU find attractive. Let me ask you this- are you the type of woman that likes emotional abuse, and craves drama in your life? This is a serious question. My last gf was like this. If I asked you for this advice - My girl doesn't want to have sex with me, and she checking out guys on facebook, and talking to her ex-bf, and repeatedly make me fee like crap... what kind of advice would you give me. I think you know what you have to do, whether you are willing to do it, its really up to you.
Author bracemyself Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 (edited) so after posting Edited February 24, 2010 by bracemyself
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