CH07 Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 First of all i want to say i am new to these forums, and sorry if this is a long post... but i would like to start out by saying that my girlfriend of a 1 and a half years has just recently broken up with me as of a week ago today I am 20 years old and she is just a year younger than me. We both loved each other very much, she would talk about living together in the future, kids, marriage, getting old together. So i felt awesome to know that we both felt and thought about those things. But any who she came over a week ago and told me that she has developed a crush on someone from work and that she wanted to end it with me because she didn't want to feel guilty about being with me but liking this other guy. i asked her if we would get back together, she said that shes very hopefully we will and that she just needs time to think about things, and that she knows shes probably making a mistake and she will probably come running back to me. So i told her that we should try and continue on our relationship and that she should stay away from him, but she told me that didn't want to stop hanging out with him. As she began to talk more, the reason she was giving me didn't make any sense, like for example she was saying she wants to be single and "live a little" and that she feels likes shes too young to be tied down. Which made me think...if she truly felt like this then why would she be barking up this guys tree? Some other reason she gave me were that she just has gotten bored in our relationship, (that the spark was gone between us) she feels like she needs change, and a different scene. I couldn't really think clearly when all of this was happening, so i didn't want to say something i would regret, so i felt that i should of thought about everything and then go and talk to her later last week. Which is what i did on last Friday, i brought her flowers and some gifts basically asking her to think about another chance, and i wanted to show her what she was throwing away. i told her that we will do more things and different things to get our "spark" back. As i was trying to make my case she was very stubborn and just kept saying that she "can't" get back with me, as i kept asking why she just kept say no and that she can't. She said maybe in the future but not now. She said she felt that she has not done anything wrong, so she didn't feel bad about this breakup. Now this is the part that confuses me...as we were talking about all these things she began crying when i mentioned that i was feeling i was going to move on and that i was going to get rid of things that reminded me of her. I also mention that i have an interest in someone (but quite honestly i can't stop thinking about my ex, so i really don't see myself with anyone else anytime soon) as i said this she began breaking down even more. I asked her why she was crying and she said because shes jealous So i was at a lost, then she began flirting with me and starting asking me about this other person, and she invited me to have dinner before i left... so as time starting go by i went and got my things and was about to leave as i was leaving she hugs me and keeps crying and promises me that she will think about another chance and that she still loves me and won't forget about me, and still care/think about me, which made me feel good. And right before i left she kisses me on the lips and says that we will see each other again. So i am very confused and don't know what to do? I have not talked or called her since last Friday, i figured i can give her time to think about things and let her miss me and hopefully see that she wants me back. But as i was there on Friday she would tell me to not wait for her and not hope on that. So i feel like shes confused or something? And i am just trying to move on but at the same time i want her back, so i am torn. I would want to offer her for us to "hang out as friends" and maybe then our spark might come back, but i feel like that route would be a "toss up" and it might not work the way i want it to. i get the feeling that she just wants to try something new in her life and right now she is just interested in someone else and sooner than later she will come back. So what do you guys think? Please any advice would be very much appreciated.
scorpmale003 Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 get rid of her,move on....never go back to her...she will do it again.... enjoy the single life...go out,pubs..time for you only you.... finally...love yourself first
skydiveaddict Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 get rid of her,move on....never go back to her...she will do it again.... enjoy the single life...go out,pubs..time for you only you.... finally...love yourself first agreed............
counterman Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I'm very sorry for you hurt and confusion right now. It is never easy when your ex says one things and really means another. A word of advice, at that age it is rare to find a girl who would seriously think about marriage, kids, living together and growing old together. I was naive to believe my ex's words. I meant it and she didn't. So, do not buy into that. You actions speak louder than her words and she likes this other guy now. Something I have never been able to do (and have never tried) was "spark jealously" out of my ex-girlfriend, though, in saying that, she would have been jealous if she knew I was interested in another girl. Funny how that works. She'll start second-guessing her break-up. In your situation, her emotions is running all over the place. One thing for certain is if her spark is gone for you, then I don't think it's worth getting back. You never commit to something unless your fully committed. She seemed half-hearted, and to think that she was influenced by another guy. You deserve better. I'm going to be straight-forward here. You're always going to be her second choice. She knows she has you and the only time she thought she didn't was when you said you were moving on and liked someone else. See what I'm saying here? She knows that if this doesn't work out with the other guy, she can come back to you. So, in a way, you're like her last resort. Remember, she left you once and she could do it again. Don't be foolish and take her back (if she does come back) after all she has said and done. Don't let her or anyone else treat you like that again. I recommend you go straight to No Contact and keep at it. Love yourself, as scorp said, and start focusing on yourself. Work out, go hang out with your friends and family, find a hobby, join a class, read a book... there's so many things you can do just for yourself. Stay strong and best of luck!
counterman Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Also, I suggest you read these guides, they will help: No Contact Do You Really Think Contacting Your Ex Will Help You? When you find that you feel like breaking NC, reread them. - CM
LostInLimbo Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Hey CH, Exactly my advice as well, she let you know, she ended it and made things quite clear, Move On and I know how hard it is, I went back 3 times, to my ex when she left me, who's a bigger fool? me, because she again left a 4th time... Don't waste your time, cause chances are she will do it time and time again, if you make it easier for her to just come back..take it from me.. LiL
Author CH07 Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 Yea, thank you guys for all your advice. Ive even somewhat come to that conclusion myself and i feel that's the best course of action for me to take. I just wanted to hear your guys advice and see that i was not "crazy". I guess she does kind of want me to be somewhat of a second choice...seems weird since in the past she would say things that would totally contradict that, but i guess that was then and this is now. So i feel ill be better off doing this choice. Again thank you guys for your advice
Author CH07 Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 Hey guys, i would just like to update you guys with whats going on with me, its been almost a month going on NC. First i want to say that i broke the No Contact rule here by talking to her last night, but i didn't do it for a second chance/begging or any of those reasons, i did it so i can get the "final nail in the coffin" from her. I felt that when she broke up with me she was not being completely honest and i felt that my feelings were still hung up on her and waiting on her, but my thoughts were moving on. So i figured that she would finally be able to make me understand why she did this and just pound in into my brain that this is finally done. Because during the past month i have been going back and forth with wanting her back and such. And i could just not get those two things to sync up, my heart and mind were in two different places, so that's why i felt that breaking No Contact and getting the actual truth out of her would be helpful in me finally moving on, so i called her at the worst possible time to do so too, when shes staying with her new lover, of which she told me she would not rush into relationship anytime soon after we ended, and its only been a month and shes already done this...so i guess this was another one of her lies. So anyways we spoke for a short time and she just keep saying how we have nothing to talk about and she has said everything she wants to say, but i was persistent and keep asking her to make me understand. So she finally told me that she broke up with me because she felt that we had not enough things in common, which ill be honest i have felt the same for some time but never acted on them like how she did. I also asked her to continue and asked what else caused the breakup, if it was him, me, or her and she said it was not him because hes just an "afterthought" and he was just an incentive to her breaking up with me, she said it was us and our incompatibility with one another, that was the cause of it. I always felt that we feel in love with one another not because of what we had in common but because how we felt around one another and how happy we made each other and were. Don't get me wrong we do have things in common but i guess not as much as she would of wanted, i suppose. But after her telling me this i felt better because now i REALLY know why she wanted this breakup and now i can just see if for that reason and that reason alone. Because i was at a loss with all her BS reasons she was giving me before. i was stuck on the "why and how come stage" with her. But now with this last piece of the puzzle in place i feel much better. Now the only thing i feel i need to do is get my heart and mind to sync up and i don't know how to do that, any advice? My parents tell me to build up anger and hate against her and that will help me move on, but i have tried hating her for what she has done and hows shes done it but i feel right now its not helping, maybe i need to keep doing that, but i don't know if its the right way of doing it? I know some people believe too, that the quickest way of moving on is meeting someone new, and that's how i have always dealt with these kind of situations, but i feel its not healthy to live like this, because i get the feeling that when i don't have anybody i feel alone and no incentive to do anything without at least having a girlfriend and i get fixated on it...any advice with that? I know time heals everything but i would like to know some tips in me moving on and healing faster. Thanks in advance!
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