Looking for an outlet...

[apollo2588]

Nothing too original here... but I thought it might be theraputic to connect with people that understand what I'm going through... here's my story.

 

I met my ex when we were 16 and we clicked right away. I'd had cute, middle school and high school relationships before her but I'd easily say that she has been my first and only love. I'm 21 now, had been with her for 6 years before she broke it off suddenly last month.

 

We're both graduating from college this spring and alot of talk had been on the future. She's been talking about moving out west and marriage and I've had a hard time agreeing to it. She cheated on me once before, after which she begged for my forgiveness, and I gave it to her because I figured she was young and just wanted to live a little. I've never strayed... I don't know if that's unnatural but for 6 years she's the only girl I've ever had eyes for.

 

Nevertheless, the last few months have been rough talking about post-graduation plans. In early January, she told me that she wanted me to move out, that she needed some space, wanted to find her independence after being in such an intense relationship for so long, etc. She kept saying she wanted me in the end but needed time to be alone or else our future would just end in seperation.

 

I moved out, only to find out that she had been chatting with her ex for a while. Keep in mind, we've been together virtually nonstop since we were 16... so this was an ex from when she was 14. As you can imagine, "platonic phone calls" turned into "catching up over coffee." "Nothing" turned into "Not nothing but not anything either" and that finally turned into a relationship.

 

It seems unreal to me... my world seems shattered. Understand that we had much more than a relationship, she was my best friend, my confidant. I have very few close friends nearby and I found myself, for the first time since I can remember, all alone.

 

I wouldn't wish this loneliness on anyone. I've given up my dignity at this point and have begged for her to reconsider... I just can't understand how over the course of 2 months a person can end a 6 year relationship, fall out of love, get into a new relationship, and claim to be again in love... all the while saying that the door is closed and there is no future for us ever.

 

My questions to anyone out there are not that original, and I'm sure you can find the same sad thoughts all over this forum.

-How do you deal with the day to day?

-How do you move on from a person that has been your world for so long?

-How can I be sure that I will ever feel that kind of connection again?

 

I'd like to say I'm a good looking guy (6'0", shaved head, I box so I'm in pretty good shape)... but it's hard to shake the feeling that I'll be alone forever.

 

Like I said, nothing original here... and if you've sat and read through my whole story, I appreciated it. I'm not looking for a solution, just trying to shake the loneliness and feel like there's somebody out there that understands what I'm going through...

[apollo2588]

Do i need a secret handshake or password to get the greater LS community to respond to my posts?

 

Like I said, a simple "I feel you" would be nice right about now...

[Sukichan]

My questions to anyone out there are not that original, and I'm sure you can find the same sad thoughts all over this forum.

-How do you deal with the day to day?

-How do you move on from a person that has been your world for so long?

-How can I be sure that I will ever feel that kind of connection again?

 

Like I said, nothing original here... and if you've sat and read through my whole story, I appreciated it. I'm not looking for a solution, just trying to shake the loneliness and feel like there's somebody out there that understands what I'm going through...

 

Hey there, I'm sorry that you are in a difficult place right now. I know how you feel about the loneliness. I'm not a very social person, I tend to keep to myself most of the time, when I'm around new people. When me and the ex broke up, I found myself truly "alone" for the first time in my life as well. During the relationship, I always focused on "us", and not much to myself as an individual, so you can imagine how difficult it was for me, seeing as my best friend left me.

 

A lot of my close friends moved away, and I was really alone to face this big step in life. I remember the first few days were dragging on and on, never ending and difficult. I wanted my ex to run back to me every single day back then.

 

But, I just pushed myself, to get out there and meet new people. I've also grown closer to my family and got in touch with people I knew from the past. And I must say, I am not really alone anymore. I'm also on a path of self-discovery, and it's a very exciting journey, for me, since I didn't really know who I was before. I'm relying on myself a lot more, I got my self-confidence back.

 

It hasn't been an easy journey, and I must say, I don't think I'm over the ex just yet, but I'm getting there. I keep myself busy everyday, and as time goes by, I think about the ex less and less. I guess all you need is time.

 

I hope my post helps you.

[EYECANDY000]

Hi apollo

 

I just wanted to say that I am sorry that you are hurting, and although it doesnt seem like it now, it will definately get better.

I, myself am going through a break up and I am taking it very hard. its been 9 days since I had initiated contact with him. he dumped me with this sorry excuse.

My hair has started to fall out, I havent had an appitite for anything, and I couldnt sleep.

 

I have logged onto this website more than ever, because it is helping me get through the rough part. I am starting to feel better about myself, I slept 8 hours yesterday, which I havent done in a week, and Im eating more again. So with that said you need to start focusing on "self'

 

Nobody can love you, if you dont love yourself first..

 

 

One thing that you will learn on this forum is dont contact her! Silence is a deadly killer. Dont beg or plead. Dont let her see that she has the power . Because right now her mind is made up and its no changing it right now. Give her time to miss you. She wont miss you if you are constantly texting or calling her trying to reconcile.

 

My friend told me the other day, this is your first heartbreak and wont be your last. which is true. Its just part of life.

 

best of luck with everything. and Welcome to LS. Its a lot of good people here..

[Odyssey]

I moved out, only to find out that she had been chatting with her ex for a while. Keep in mind, we've been together virtually nonstop since we were 16... so this was an ex from when she was 14. As you can imagine, "platonic phone calls" turned into "catching up over coffee." "Nothing" turned into "Not nothing but not anything either" and that finally turned into a relationship.

lol. Sounds like my ex...lucky for me we weren't together for long and i saw her true colours sooner. She was in contact with her ex also, i never did like the guy to begin with. But i'd thought teenage crush, right? Don't be so paranoid...it was a long time ago, they're just friends now. So i let it slide. I guess our relationship turned sour when i'd confronted her that she lied to me about how often they were 'hanging out'. Eventually, she dumped me for (yep, you guessed it)... her ex. I was the fool for not seeing it before it was too late. One of the saddest days in my life... lost my gf and my job that day.

 

Relationships huh? I've learned that,, for better or worst...situations can change. People can change and so do feelings.

 

OP, so... your ex is with her old ex i take it?

 

My questions to anyone out there are not that original, and I'm sure you can find the same sad thoughts all over this forum.

-How do you deal with the day to day?

-How do you move on from a person that has been your world for so long?

-How can I be sure that I will ever feel that kind of connection again?

It's all about distractions... you simply have to keep yourself busy with friends, hobbies, and new routines. The idea is it keeps your mind busy from thinking about the ex. And the times you are alone - discipline... this will be the hardest time (especially when you're tired), and there's no other way to avoid it but you must have self-control. LS helps. When I'm alone it helps me a little if i write down my thoughts and feelings. Exercise and eat well! Sleeping... i'd took herbal meds. to help me sleep during the 1st few weeks of the breakup. The dreams/nightmares you'll just have to deal with (i write these down too).

 

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, even months analysing a situation. Justifyin' what could've, should've, or would've happened. Don't! It gives you no answers but more questions. Yes...you might get a few answers if you contact your ex, but you'll get more pain too. And they're never the answers you really want to hear anyway. Some have done this to get 'closure' in order to truly move on, but for me breaking up is closure - they don't want you!

 

The hardest thing is letting go...of hope. Once you finally do this, either out pure frustration of being in this rut forever, or because enough people have hammered it into your skull to see sense. Like an addiction, we don't really see what is happening to ourselves until we're at our lowest point and it starts to affect everything in our life.

 

How do you move on? Yeah its sad when people you know become people you knew. But that's the reality for many of us. In 3 words I can sum up everything I've learned about life - it goes on. I mean what choice do you have really? You can't move forward if you keep looking back.

 

That connection will come back when you find someone better than your ex.

 

Take good care of yourself...and the rest should take care of itself

[apollo2588]

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, even months analysing a situation. Justifyin' what could've, should've, or would've happened. Don't! It gives you no answers but more questions. Yes...you might get a few answers if you contact your ex, but you'll get more pain too. And they're never the answers you really want to hear anyway. Some have done this to get 'closure' in order to truly move on, but for me breaking up is closure - they don't want you!

 

You hit it right on the head... the first couple weeks the questions haunted me. And i'd run to her for answers...

 

Those answers were only satisfying for a couple hours... until those answers spawned more questions...

 

Being new... I've been seeing NC all over the place and, after some investigating, I've kind of grasped the "No Contact" rules that everyone here swears by.

 

So here it goes... I'm Apollo and this Day 1 of my NC

[EYECANDY000]

 

So here it goes... I'm Apollo and this Day 1 of my NC

 

Hi Apollo, Im EC and this is day 9 of my NC. Welcome!

[apollo2588]

Hi Apollo, Im EC and this is day 9 of my NC. Welcome!

 

Thanks EC... I'm hoping to give and receive all the support I can...

[Odyssey]

To all the broken hearts here... you will get through this i promise. If you ever feel the urge to call your ex, post on LS. It helps!