mmk1 Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I had two great dates with a new girl, the last one was the Wednesday before Valetine's day. We made out for 10 minutes when I dropped her off and it was really cool. I texted her the day after the date telling her I had a great time and she responded instantly that she did too. I did not want to push it by asking her out again for Valentine's Day (which was 3 days later) and did not send anything since we are so new. (Mistake?) Anywho, I texted her yesterday around 2:00 asking her out for next weekend (not this weekend just to take it slow and keep it cool). No response even today which surprises me given how affectionate we were a week ago and how quickly she has responded in the past. My question is do I: 1) take this as a no and simply move on, or 2) just be more patient and wait for a response, or 3) follow up and when should I follow up? 4) If I follow up, should I step it up and call or just text again? My inclination is #1 above. Thanks for you help!
Author mmk1 Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 I did only because we set up our last date that way so I thought it would be ok and we always seem to miss each other when calling. I did call now (and got VM) and hope I haven't screwed the pooch with the initial text. Thanks for the help!
Leia Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Nevermind. Read your reply. Don't worry. She will probably call back.
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I think waiting 5 days between texts (after that great second date) was a bad idea. Then when you do contact her, you ask for a date 10 days into the future? She is probably thinking she didn't hear from you for those 5 days because you were dating another woman, probably took another woman out on Valentines day. And now you've asked her out but not for this weekend, but for the next weekend. She may be thinking you're going out with another woman this weekend. She is probably doubting your interest in her at this point.
Author mmk1 Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 That all may be true. I've had problems with going to fast in the past and acting too needy or clingy, so I've tried to take it slow. I could take her out this weekend but, again, I did not want to seem like I'm rushing things. Do you think I've blown it by going too slow?
guy.lepage Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 At this point I think all you can do is wait... A couple of things I would've done differently... I wouldn't have gone on a date three days before Valentine's. It put you in an awkward spot where the girl gets upset if you don't contact her for V day or she'll think you're going "too fast" if you do contact her on V day. Not a win-win situation... I also think asking for a date 10 days ahead is a bit too much.
conehead Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I think waiting 5 days between texts (after that great second date) was a bad idea. Then when you do contact her, you ask for a date 10 days into the future? She is probably thinking she didn't hear from you for those 5 days because you were dating another woman, probably took another woman out on Valentines day. And now you've asked her out but not for this weekend, but for the next weekend. She may be thinking you're going out with another woman this weekend. She is probably doubting your interest in her at this point. I agree 100% with this. If a guy treated me like this, whatever amazing initial interested I once had would probably go down the drain. Here's the deal. You shouldn't go more than 3 days without some form of contact -- 5 days is way too much. You SHOULD have asked her out for the V day WEEKEND, note not necessairly V day. Honestly, I think you blew it. If you call her a few more times she might get soft and give in though so you can try that.
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 That all may be true. I've had problems with going to fast in the past and acting too needy or clingy, so I've tried to take it slow. I could take her out this weekend but, again, I did not want to seem like I'm rushing things. Do you think I've blown it by going too slow? Possibly, because she doesn't know that you are just going slow. She has had to try to figure out why she hasn't heard from you and why you aren't available this coming weekend. That's two weekends in a row that you haven't asked her out. Your last date with her was on a weeknight. The first thing a woman thinks is a man is keeping his weekends free for the woman he "really" likes. Do you really think 2 1/2 weeks is the right amount of space between the second and third date? If you ask her out for this coming weekend, how will you explain moving her up a week? At this point you may have to tell her something to the effect of "I'd really like to see you this weekend if you don't think it's too soon." OR "I've been taking things slow because I was afraid of rushing you, but I really am interested." BUT only say that if it is TRUE.
Author mmk1 Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 I will say that she picked the Wednesday date before valentines day after canceling our date for the prior Friday to go skiing with friends at a local hill. I said fine but honestly she might have gone with another guy for all I know. I've been out of the loop for a while, but why after 2 good dates could she have not contacted me instead of the onus being on me? Phone works both ways! I'm just trying to understand.
conehead Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I will say that she picked the Wednesday date before valentines day after canceling our date for the prior Friday to go skiing with friends at a local hill. I said fine but honestly she might have gone with another guy for all I know. I've been out of the loop for a while, but why after 2 good dates could she have not contacted me instead of the onus being on me? Phone works both ways! I'm just trying to understand. Because common ettiqueette is for the guy to call and for the girl to wait for the call in the initial stages of dating. Call it a double standard but it is what it is.
Jersey Shortie Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Pick up the phone and call her. Texts can be misread all the time. Plus, no woman is going to fall in love or feel attraction for a man that texts her. She is going to want to hear your voice and have more of a personal interaction. To be honest, I think men text because they are lazy. I will repeat for the benefit of the guys: no woman is going to fall in love with you or feel sparks of attraction for a man that just texts her.
bac Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 IMHO you should meet at least once per week to keep it going. Because you did not invite her on Valentines and you want to see her so rare she probably thinks that you date at least 3 more girls at the same time. As for me, I would not take you seriously because I would be sure that you were not into me and a multidater. You have to show a girl that you like her. You should find time to date her at least once per week. You are a man and being a man implies to take all the initiative at the begining of dating. What you can do now? I guess talk to her on the phone and ask her what the reason was for her change. If she does not want to open, help her to open. Ask her what her expectations about dating, how often she expects you to call/meet her. IMHO The best way to built rapport with a girl is to call her once per 1-3 days and to meet her 1-2 times per week. If you do it differently, especially too slow, it probably is not going to be successful.
Author mmk1 Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 I did call at 11:00 cst so we'll see. If I blew it, that sucks but lesson learned. I will use the phone and quicker in the future. I'm not the begging type so it's up to her now.
Jersey Shortie Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I totally don't advocate begging. I know for myself, I was a little turned off by the guys that asked me over text. And I felt less of a desire to put in the effort. We kind of want to know you think we are worth the effort.
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I will say that she picked the Wednesday date before valentines day after canceling our date for the prior Friday to go skiing with friends at a local hill. I said fine but honestly she might have gone with another guy for all I know. I've been out of the loop for a while, but why after 2 good dates could she have not contacted me instead of the onus being on me? Phone works both ways! I'm just trying to understand. Well that's your first mistake. Seriously, just as you have come up with certain ideas about how often you should contact and see her, she's learned things too. She's probably been reading some "rules" that say she should never contact a man. It isn't easy for either gender and no one has all the answers. Most women have heard that if a man doesn't call in 3 days, he is not interested. What is too fast with one woman will be too slow with the next. If you want to call a woman you should unless she has dropped hints (or actually said) that you are calling too much. I had one guy ask me how often I liked getting texts/calls. I think people should talk about these things.
Crazy Magnet Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I HATE it when a man asks me on a date with a text message. It's so impersonal. Those guys got the chop fast when I was multi-dating. Also, men would would wait a week after a date to set up the next date. Next. He clearly doesn't have the time to invest in me, why should I invest in him I got a variety of texts on V-day, so I think contact would have been appropriate. Even if you said "Happy Chinese New Year." or something. It sounds like you are interested in her, but you are not showing her the signs that you are interested. She probably thinks you have moved on or are a player (or that's what I would think anyway)
Author mmk1 Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 Here, I have to add some more info. Our first date was in November of last year. We had a great time and I called 2 days later and asked her out, mentioned a couple of dates, she said she was busy and didn't suggest anything else. I let it go at that point. Fast forward, I saw her again at a business thing a month ago. I left early and she texted me before I got home asking me to go to cubs games this year. I texted her back yes and and also set up our date for a Friday night, all by text. She canceled that Friday date to go skiing "with friends" and she suggested last Wednesday, all by text. We've only spoke on the phone actually once and that was a chore to schedule so we text. I agree now that maybe we should've done something last weekend but I did not want to see too eager and ask her out for Friday/ Saturday last week on the Thursday before. Sending something on V-day just seemed like overdoing it after a 2nd date 4 days earlier. That may all be wrong thinking but it was what I was thinking.
Author mmk1 Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 BTW, I really appreciate everyone who's responded in this thread! Thank you!
Author mmk1 Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 Turns out everyone on here was right. She texted me last night (all I deserved I guess) and said she had just started dating someone in the last month (sounded like me!) and she wanted to give him a chance. I got the impression this was not true. She also said she hoped I did not get the wrong idea last week (probably meaning to the 10 minutes of making out at the end of the date) and she wanted to to still hang out as friends. I told her I don't do the friends thing after dating but if things did not work out to call. I said no hard feelings, I had a great time and I wished her the best. I feel I just screwed up and she did doubt my interest. Would sending her flowers now either saying "thanks for everything" or "You are very special to me and I hope I get another chance with you" be potentially helpful, waste of money or just downright pathethic. Thanks for the help!
Author mmk1 Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 Just wanted to get this to the top of the queue with my question.
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 So you don't believe there is another guy?
Author mmk1 Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 (edited) No, I think it was just to soften the blow. I don't think she would've spent 10 minutes making out with me if there was really someone else in the picture. I think I just handled it wrong as you and others suggested. If I sent some flowers on Valentine's Day I'd probably be alright! I think she is still hip to my trip but either confused or put off by my not contacting her sooner to set up another date. Her text was very nice and obviously I don't have alot invested in this at this point but if there is something I could do now to show the interest I should have over the last week, I don't want to let the opportunity slip by. Timing is sometimes everything. Edited February 18, 2010 by mmk1 typo
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 (edited) Did you tell her why you haven't been in contact? I think you have to make it clear that you haven't been dating anyone and you were afraid of smothering her so you were trying to take it slow. She probably thinks you've been dating someone else and are only coming back to her because it didn't work out. You have to let her know that is not the case. The truth will get you farther than flowers. Edited February 18, 2010 by txsilkysmoothe
Author mmk1 Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 The fact that we were texting last night kept the convo to a minimum. I will let her know that. Thank you, TX!
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