blinded Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Is it a possibility that a mind and body can be hurt so badly that it never heals, never completely moves away from the pain and anger that is caused by love? And so I ask, is there a hurt that runs so deep you never heal? No it doesn't get better. You'll just find that you become such an incredible actor that you(almost) believe that you are over it- and yes ,there are people out there who inflict everlasting damage and you just have to learn to live with it but I do't think you ever truly move on. Physically, there are injuries that will never heal: loss of sight, loss of limb, incurable illnesses, etc. People inflicted with those injuries will never heal 100%, they just learn to adjust to what life has dealt them. I think our hearts/emotions are even more fragile and though it may never be the same as before, it's how we deal with them that makes us who we are. That's why I think some of us may never heal completely. We are forever changed.
HockeyMom Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I am right there with you, I feel as though I will never heal, never be happy, never get over him, never be whole again. The only thing that keeps me going and get out of bed every day is that I have a child also. I also work with both of them and it is very hard. This time around it's already been 5 months split and there isn't a second in a day except when I'm sleeping that I don't think of him and miss him and wish I could turn back the clock. I feel like I'm doing as much as possible to get thru each day without crying. I do go to the gym and that helps a little but short of that I don't really have anything else in my life to preoccupy my mind. We were together 13 yrs ago and split after a few years and were split for 8 years. I never got over him then either. I just always wished and hoped he'd come back and he eventually did, 8 yrs later. During that 8 years I never even dated anybody else but my son was very young and I had a lot of friends and was able to have an ok life. But never stopped missing him. This time around it's alot worse because I thought when he came back 8 yrs later, I was set for life and we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Now that my son is older, he doesn't keep me as busy as he did when he was young. I have half heartedly dated a couple guys and for me it only made me miss my ex more because of comparing them to my ex. So for now I'm giving up on dating others. I feel as though its not fair to them if my heart isn't in it for the right reasons. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like a downer to you and I'm sorry.. I just feel like I gravitate towards the posts of the people that are still hurting as much as I am.
quankanne Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Is there a pill that can self induce coma? no, but there *is* an herbal cigarette I'm told works wonders. Decimates your snacky-treat collection, but otherwise works really really well back to your original question, are there people out there who can't stop the hurting, ever. my thought is this: Because you're in the thick of it right now, there is no light at the end of the tunnel, and the idea that such a light even exists is ludicrous. Your rage – intentional or not – has center stage. Until you can exorcise it, the hurt is going to appear endless. the saying "time heals all wounds" (or wounds all heels) holds a lot of truth. as you work through those emotions, they start to lighten and your mindset shifts from "seeing red" to a gradually calmer outlook. maybe the key is to jump in the middle of all that anger and pain and just let it out safely – not by doing anything to them, but stuff like rude letters and cuss-fests – so that it doesn't stayed bottled up. Bad analogy, but kinda like when a little kid has a temper tantrum, which you've got to admire – it's annoying to watch, but that tot pours everything into it, and afterwards comes out of it just ducky. He knows how to exorcise that anger and frustration completely, you know?
Pentel Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 it's not possible, you WILL heal, what you are thinking is pessimism, i used to be full of it, i was "oh i will never get over her, i need her" now? now i just dont give a .... really... i still feel akward when i see her but i simply don't care anymore it feels great, i'll tell you this: it's hard as f***, but its really worth it, take it from me, i've been tru hell and back
paleblue Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 it must take years. i think mine waved to me yesterday - not sure. i kept walking.
Author cdt76 Posted February 19, 2010 Author Posted February 19, 2010 Yeah you all are great. I have started to have nightmares again about hurting him. So that isn't good. I'll start going back to therapy to see if I can get a grip on why I'm so angry. Like Hockymom, I'm taking a break from dating. It's just not worth it. There isn't anyone I've met yet that I am even slightly interested in so dating is a giant waste of money. I put so much of my heart into her, that to actually want to get married to her entered my mind, then BANG, she is gone and with my co-worker, has pretty much left me empty, disgusted and without hope that the human race is nothing but a waste of carbon and water. I refuse to associate with anyone at work outside the confines of work, even when they get together to do activities that I brought them. So I hate everyone, hate them all, hate myself for being so foolish and if I ever do get over this, I may be so broken as to never be able to handle a relationship again.
worlybear Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 Know exactly how you feel. It sucks that everyone else seems to be having a good time when it takes all your effort just to put one foot in front of the other and keep on going. Working in the same place is a nightmare, believe me, been there ,done that and got the t shirt. Finally managed to change jobs but it took time and there were times I nearly gave up having to work alongside. Like you I have also given up on the dating for now, just don't feel ready- don't know if I ever will. Would really like to know if there is any truth in the saying "what goes around, comes around, " -would feel better if things went wrong for the cheats- it just doesn't pay to be a nice person these days. My ex has walked away from his job, 27year marriage, shared bank loans, mortgage and 8 year old daughter. Moved in with ow and her kid and won't pay penny towards anything as he's now supporting her.(Got a new job and rented a house with her.) Have got to default on mortgage cos I can't pay it by myself and lawyer says he'll get away with it cos even if the judge finds in my favour ,ex can't now afford to pay and we won't get anything. The law sucks big time. Need a big dose of karma here.
HockeyMom Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 wow worlybear, are you still in the same kind of pain that cdt76 and I are in? I see that you've been a member since 2008. Is that when this all went down for you? How do you manage to keep on going everyday? For me it's only because of my kid that gets me up and out of bed every day. I feel like I have nothing else to live for. I hate everything in my life and it seems your life came crashing down in front of you as well... I'm so sorry for all you've gone through and probably still going through. I hear ya... I'm waiting for that Karma to come through to my ex and his new gf who are also now renting a house together. I'm just in shock over the whole thing and I don't know what is going to get me to snap out of it... Most of my friends have boyfriends and husbands so I just don't know what else to do with myself besides go to the gym. I seem to spend an awful lot of time in bed and on this site... I could just cry!!! Here it is Friday night with nothing to do. It's just so depressing.
Author cdt76 Posted February 19, 2010 Author Posted February 19, 2010 Mom...I know what you are talking about. I work a lot now, drink a lot, stay up late, workout a lot, basically I'm putting my body through hell right now. I'm always tired and I just want to be happy again. I've noticed that when I come on here most of the feelings of the past come raging back because I confront them. Don't know if that is good or bad at this point. I know that when I sleep, the nightmares are there, when I'm awake the pain is there along with the hateful memories. Some say that you heal with time and it becomes a distant memory. All I know is that time is my enemy because it doesn't move fast enough for these feelings to go away. I just want to forget about her and him and let them be dead to me. A week from today I'll be back home, and everything will be right there. Mom and bear just hang on. No matter what happens financially or emotionally we will survive, we just won't be the same person we were before all this happened.
Recommended Posts