Chitowngirl Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Just curious. I regret getting engaged (ended it 9 months ago). I wonder if marriage is for me. I would rather have my partner stay with me because they wanted to, not because they had to, or because divorce is so difficult and expensive.
bayouboi Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 HELL yeah I regret it lol. But that's b/c she cheated on me and I divorced her. Wasted 7 years of my life's prime and passed up opportunities with other women. I probably didn't learn my lesson, though, because future marriage isn't off the table in my mind.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 HELL yeah I regret it lol. But that's b/c she cheated on me and I divorced her. Wasted 7 years of my life's prime and passed up opportunities with other women. I probably didn't learn my lesson, though, because future marriage isn't off the table in my mind. Well, perhaps you will just be smarter next time and look for signs of a problematic marriage! I've never been married but I was in a serious relationship that was leading towards that. I don't regret getting involved with him because it taught me a lot about relationships. Would I have regretted marrying him? Probably.
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I would rather have my partner stay with me because they wanted to, not because they had to, or because divorce is so difficult and expensive. I understand what you are asking but I have to say that for me, this is exactly the reason why I choose to be married, and not change a thing. My relationship has certainly had it's challenges and ups and downs and extremely low moments. We were even seperated for a few months about 12 years ago. Throughout everything we have been through, I am sure there would have been a few moments where we likely would have been to proud, selfish, stupid or shallow to stick it out if we were not married... That is a big part of what marriage is about to me. Letting each other grow as individuals, but at the same time growing together. I know I made the right decision and would be proud to marry her all over again; no matter how hard it may seem sometimes, it's all worth it in the end!
JamesM Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Do I regret getting married? No. Do I regret getting married to the person I married? No. Would I like to have some things different in my marriage? Yes. Would I want them different and with another person? No. After twenty years, no one has the same appeal or attraction to me as my wife does. Has there ever been anyone else that I felt like marrying? No. Is there anyone now who I think I would like to marry? No.
JamesM Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I've never been married but I was in a serious relationship that was leading towards that. I don't regret getting involved with him because it taught me a lot about relationships. Would I have regretted marrying him? Probably. Am I assuming this is another BF from the past and not the current one?
quankanne Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 That is a big part of what marriage is about to me. Letting each other grow as individuals, but at the same time growing together. marriage doesn't come with guarantees, and at any given time, you'll probably wonder just why in hell you married your pinhead because you're so peeved at this person for X reason. However, as a previous poster pointed out, you've got to allow space for each person to grow as you grow together in the relationship. of course you're going to have your doubts when you hit bottom of the barrel after an argument or when you see some unappealing behavior, but to say you're going to avoid marriage because you believe the person is there unwillingly or "has" to be there ... well, sounds like you're trying to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Whether there are reasons behind your marriage that have to do with making a situation "right" – like pregnancy – or trying to protect someone legally, there is still a matter of choosing to enter that marriage. Even if you've got a gun held to your head, and your life is at risk, the reality is, you still have the option to say no if you don't want this for yourself. marriage is the biggest leap of faith you'll take, and you find yourself making that leap every single day of your life. In a healthy marriage there will be ups and downs, there will be doubts, but there will also be the knowledge that this is where you're meant to be
quankanne Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 After twenty years, no one has the same appeal or attraction to me as my wife does. this echoes a conversation my husband and I recently had, when he found out a friend of his is going through a divorce. It completely freaked DH out because that couple's marriage mirrors ours, though they are a bit younger. nothing I said could get through to him until I explained that barring abuse, divorce has never been an option for me, and that even though I want to pinch his head off sometimes, I cannot imagine doing this with anyone else because there hasn't quite been anyone like him in my life. hell – I've considered finding a "source" to take care of certain needs, but it all boils down to this: I don't want anyone in my bed but him, even when it means accepting the fact that we cannot do certain things anymore because his health issues. Because as you say, no one has the same appeal as my husband does ...
threebyfate Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Nope, I don't regret the first or my current marriage. Without the first, there wouldn't have been my current marriage and THAT to me would be a worst crime. As well, no matter how bad the bad times were, there were still more happy times, times I will never forget. Also, my first marriage was a learning experience, not only what marriage is all about but what to look for in a future partner, as well as who I am and need.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Am I assuming this is another BF from the past and not the current one? Yes, it was my ex boyfriend.
CM2009 Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Yes and No YES because a previous poster stated I was in the prime of my life mid-20's and I feel I lost some of my youngers years that I will never have back, plus she cheated so to all those looking to get married, read the warning signs and listen to your family and friends. If they feel him/her are right then go for it, if not then seriously look into not marrying that person.......... NO because I've learned a lot about relationships, people and friggin in-laws, what to do and not what to do in relationships. Looking out for the back stabing people, so I've learned lessions that I would never had learned if I hadn't been married......
Woggle Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I regret neither. Without my first marriage I would still be the doormat I was back then. Divorcing her made me the man I am today. I don't regret my 2nd marriage because I found a good woman.
crazycatlady Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 He had us married from the time we met. It just took another 17 months for it to happen. I don't regret it. I didnt even think it was a leap of faith that someone mentioned when I married him. It was just....right. We both laughed our way through our wedding vows. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. We have had our ups and downs. Sometimes the downs are truly awful. And we came close to seperating once, close enough that we talked how we would handle the children and everything if it were to happen. And we have talked about it off and on since then because no matter what we are both committed to providing the most stable enviroment we can for them. Life has no money back guarrentee, and neither does marriage. But even if we end up seperating, it will always have been worth it. And I would go back in time and change nothing. I love and have loved well, and am loved and have been loved well too. I've experienced passion and given passion beyond anything I had before. It hasn't been smooth, but its been wonderful. Hell, unless I die first, no matter how the marriage ends, sorrow will be felt and felt strongly because the love has been so much. CCL
GoodOnPaper Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 My lack of options when single really got to me -- so when someone actually wanted an LTR with me, I went along with it thinking I could shortcut myself out of dealing with my issues pertaining to my problems with attracting women. Knowing what I know now, I would have waited a lot longer to even consider getting married. Of course, without knowing what I know now -- thanks to the experience of marriage, setting up a household, kids, etc. -- would I have gone even further into the dark side and be worse off now? That's the rub.
Norville_Rogers Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Yes....I got married for the wrong reasons. I knew that then and I know that even more now. I settled with someone that I was not attracted to or had had anything in common with. I am no longer married to her and I'm glad. Now that I'm older and wiser....I know the person I'm supposed to share my life with.
Stung Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Just curious. I regret getting engaged (ended it 9 months ago). I wonder if marriage is for me. I would rather have my partner stay with me because they wanted to, not because they had to, or because divorce is so difficult and expensive. I do not in any way regret getting married :bunny:. I'm pretty sure I would have, though, had I married either of the 2 people I was briefly and foolishly engaged to in my 20s, before I was really ready for marriage and still confused about what I wanted and how to really connect and commit. Marriage is not for everyone. Take the time to really think about what it can mean, because IMO many people enter into it too lightly. While we don't see marriage as a trap that's impossible to get out of, we do see it as a more precious framework for our relationship, which we are deeply committed to attempting to preserve over time rather than abandoning whenever the going gets tough. Divorce IS an option, but one we hope we would only ever take after exhausting every other option, not because we HAVE to do that because we're married but because we CHOSE that level of commitment, to do everything we could to grow old side by side. We talked about it and marriage was a positive choice for us. However we both have friends who simply don't believe in the framework as they see it more negatively, and even though some of them are in longterm committed relationships they choose not to marry. That's what makes them feel more secure, so: good for them. And marriage feels good, and secure, for us, so: good for us.
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