ex wants me to stay sad in case he wants to return one day - YEAH RIGHT!!!!!

[NatoPMT]

further to iamnotnothings triumphant return, i would like to share with you all the mail i just sent to my ex, after he emailed me AGAIN with small hints of keeping me where he wants me - at his beck & call, we'd tried to be friends, and i was geniune in my offer of friendship, but i just realised how hes STILL attempting to manipulate me. so i sent this back, and i danced a little jig.

 

" i have just reread that email you sent me saying ...

 

'haha, you're still dead funny, yes it's friendship, but who knows.

it's not like i'm after anything more from you at the minute as i said i still don't know where i'm at...'

 

i didnt even notice what you were saying before, now i have actually read it properly, to be quite frank, i am just incredulous. 'but who knows'???? in wasnt asking for anything more, i dont want anything more - got it? i made that quite clear. 'who knows'? me. i know. what the f*ck are you on? you are selfish beyond belief. you KNOW how i felt, and now you know i am over it. you are trying to keep me where i was in case you decide that you made a mistake to ensure i will still have feelings for you. you want me to stay in the worse place i have ever been just. in. case.

 

2 months ago i asked you to tell me that you never wanted to be with me again, and you said 'i am not going to make this easy for you'. oh how i have laughed at that comment since, you are possibly the most arrogant, misplaced individual i have ever encountered and you have no idea how easy that comment ironically made this for me. i laughed myself stupid at the email you made the comment about what id have to do to get you to come back to the UK the week before christmas - it was hilarious - i didnt even mention it back but you are STILL at it - trying to establish your insurance just. in. case.

 

and when even i told you i was laughing at you t'other day, what di dyou say back?? dont apologise laughing is good?? hahah too right it is, its great. i dont want to be friends now - every time you display this infantile selfishness i just feel rather sorry for you, its f*cking sad. i have told you, id rather be on my own than with you, and i was happy on my own after just 6 short weeks, thats how long it took for me to see what a jerk off you actually are - get over it mat and stop behaving like someones stolen your dummy. now go and bum yourself, its what you usually do. not even going to comment on that crap you said about hoping i am not going round in circles as i have started dating again, if i am doing the right thing, 'just dont get stuck'. you are stuck, up your own ar'se.

 

bothered.com

 

the damage is done so i guess i'll be leaving."

 

 

there might be some englishisms in there that are lost on you yanks, but you get the idea.

 

liberation!!!!

[dyermaker]

Umm.. Congrats?

[Iamhappy]

Here's to freedom!!!

 

Disco pants all around and here's to finding real men.

[quankanne]

what a jackass -- and good for you for telling him to get an effin' life!

 

my middle sister had been married a good dozen or so years before her cheating husband finally fessed up and told her he wanted a divorce. She obliged, but still hoped that they would reconcile because she really did love him. For the next 10 years, he pretty much strung her along, until finally she gave up and lo and behold, married a man who'd been her good friend all that time. Was her ex ever unhappy: he told her that she was supposed to wait for him (and he was working on wife #3 at that time)!

 

I guess some people figure that they can treat people like excrement but still expect to be welcomed back with open arms, which takes a lot of balls. Or stupidity ...

[Goatsbreath]

Hey BigBelm, well, I must say, your situation is somewhat confusing me.

 

BIGBELM::::, i mentioned it to J a couple of weeks ago and he said hed love to go so am going to arrange a long weekend away from london for us to have some time without all our mental friends turning up at the house at 3am and the like. and give me a bit of a chance to relax and stop babbling like a moron every time i see him. hes back off his holiday tomorrow so am getting nervous already, and i wont see him til the weekend. i have 4 more days of hot flushes and near faints. baaah.::::BIGBELM

 

So is this off now. Perhaps I missed a post. Perhaps after reading so many tales on here I dont know who I am anymore or what my situation is. Perhaps I am living all these situations and I dont even remember what my situation is. Sigh

 

Well, in any case it sounds like thats it then. Right. Thats it! You cant keep entertaining the relationship with any sort of attention- whether it be anger or disappointment, pity or stabs at the whims of a possible reconciliation. Just stop- there is a difference between when you say something negatively charged to someone and when you just act it. There is indifference. Find it and be there- you will speak volumes.

[NatoPMT]

right goaty - here's where i am at.

 

M - the receipient of the above email was my ex - we split up a few months ago because he needed 'space', he moved to the US and i planned to move there after we worked things out. he was pretty cruel during that time, telling me he wanted me to visit and sort things out, but i should bear in mind that when i went over he may ignore me, not want to be with me, go off with someone else while i was staying there, he told me hed make it as hard as possible for me. poor old iamnotnothing spent a long time trying to talk sense into me, but i wasnt prepared to hear a word against him and my bias pretty much stopped me seeing what he was doing. he's still in the same place, still telling me what i need to do to win him back, still saying he doesnt know what he wants from me - but i stopped wanting to do what he wants me to do quite some time ago.

 

I met J a month ago, i am dating him and when i told M i had met someone else, he started to tell me what i needed to do to 'win him back'. i ignored it for a few weeks, but last night he mailed me saying i was still stuck going round in circles and i need to listen to him to 'fix'myself. he was a big one for 'fixing' me. and he even made me believe i needed fixing. we were in casual contact, id told him i was happy and i didnt want anything more from him than friendship. but when i read his mail last night i flabbergasted and decided to put an end to it once and for all. i mailed him the above - he mailed back saying he was just trying to help me - so i mailed back a 'whatever' (in an american accent) and slammed the door and walked off - wearing me disco pants. got me? i know, i post all over the gaff and its hard to follow, but theres a potted history for ya.

 

quankanne - absolutely, but i'll back it being stupidity with a generous helping of ARROGANCE. grr. good on your sister!!!

 

iamnotnothing -

[Bonnie]

ex wants me to stay sad in case he wants to return one day - YEAH RIGHT!!!!! Post: 1 | Quote:

 

further to iamnotnothings triumphant return, i would like to share with you all the mail i just sent to my ex, after he emailed me AGAIN with small hints of keeping me where he wants me - at his beck & call, we'd tried to be friends, and i was geniune in my offer of friendship, but i just realised how hes STILL attempting to manipulate me. so i sent this back, and i danced a little jig.

*****Thats what they do!! Little text messages or emails with hints.

 

dont want anything more - got it? i made that quite clear. 'who knows'? me. i know. what the f*ck are you on? you are selfish beyond belief. you KNOW how i felt, and now you know i am over it. you are trying to keep me where i was in case you decide that you made a mistake to ensure i will still have feelings for you. you want me to stay in the worse place i have ever been just. in. case.

****Yip Good I'm soo pleased you've done this. Let him see you know where he's coming from.

 

2 months ago i asked you to tell me that you never wanted to be with me again, and you said 'i am not going to make this easy for you'. oh how i have laughed at that comment since, you are possibly the most arrogant, misplaced individual i have ever encountered and you have no idea how easy that comment ironically made this for me.

***definately arrogant glad you seen the light

 

and when even i told you i was laughing at you t'other day, what di dyou say back?? dont apologise laughing is good?? hahah too right it is, its great. i dont want to be friends now - every time you display this infantile selfishness i just feel rather sorry for you, its f*cking sad. i have told you, id rather be on my own than with you, and i was happy on my own after just 6 short weeks, thats how long it took for me to see what a jerk off you actually are - get over it mat and stop behaving like someones stolen your dummy. now go and bum yourself, its what you usually do. not even going to comment on that crap you said about hoping i am not going round in circles as i have started dating again, if i am doing the right thing, 'just dont get stuck'. you are stuck, up your own ar'se.

 

***I had to keep this whole paragraph in because it really made me jump off my seat and laugh out loud. What a pathetic selfcentred ass you were seeing. You've inspired me. Thank you

[Goatsbreath]

Ok, yeah, now it makes more sense BigBelm and you are right to not want to see this guy anymore. I would so much hate it if the person I was with was trying to be my shrink. Gosh, - tell that guy to go to hell for me as well. I just dont like him.

 

Can I ask though, why it was you needed to win him back? What was this about?

[NatoPMT]

hi goaty - gotta be quick as its 10am here and i have onloy just got in from last night. i am old enough to know better.

 

thats exactly it, he was trying to be my shrink - his favourite phrase was he was going to fix me. i think its deranged angel that has the signature on here that says 'dont try to fix me, i am not broken' - it cracks me up every time i see that, i always have a little giggle when i see that. girl after me own heart.

 

the winning back thing was just plain laughable. i told him about me new fella J the week before christmas, and his response was 'well before it goes too far i'll tell you what you need to do to win me back and get me back to the UK'. !!!!!!!!!!. !!!!!!!!!. and again..!!!!!!!!. now i am over the hilarity of it, i am speechless.

 

btw - things are going brilliantly with J now after my self confidence wobble. hes absolutely delightful and has asked me to go to amsterdam with him and he wants me to meet his parents. best behaviour hat on now.

 

Hi Bonnie - have you had the little hints after a break up too? WHAT is all that about??? what gets me is he KNEW, he so knew how broken i was, yet when i started to recover and we started being in contact as friends, it seems that he couldnt see me be happy without him. he wanted me to remain longing for him and being empty and lost. how can someone want another person to feel that awful? like i said, hes made it so much easier for me. and glad i made you laugh, i made myself laugh too - its my pleasure. the last thing i wanted to do was be bitter towards him, but i did enjoy it just a weeny bit. snigger.

[Goatsbreath]

geez BigBelm- 10 a.m. , I would say thats a prettly late night. Well, I am glad you can laugh at your X now. Maybe a sinister laugh on your answering machine would be good incase he calls. My X, (recent X), has suddenly started to call me more and cry. I think it is because she realizes that I am not all tied up in knots about her. I mean, Its obvious I have other things on my mind I think and she knows it. She also knows that I have been talking/ hanging out with that (old X), who she does not care for much. Ahh- well, still not sure about that so Im still holding back somewhat. Im not even sure how much I like her, I mean maybe she was just a distraction to take my mind away from the current situation. Or perhaps a way of revealing my true feelings and realizing how much more love I have inside me and can offer someone. Then again, maybe shes only a distraction because I like her so much. My head sometimes tells me not to like her though because I think my instincts are saying bad news, bad news. Like my dream the other night. I dreamed she was in the desert and behind her was a huge tornado. When I woke up I sort of laughed and thought, the only thing that would make that dream more perfect is if in the tornado were all her X boyfriends. Yeah- why do girls hang on to X boyfriends. I sometimes wonder that. I sometimes wonder why we are still talking. Seems she talks with a good number of them. Hmmm.....Oh well, now Im just rambling Bigbelm. What is a Bigbelm anyway? Ok- take care

[NatoPMT]

i am answering these all the wrong way round. oh well i still have to stick me oar in regardless. first things first, how do you feel about the ex thats calling in tears? i know how you felt at the time and it was rough - do you still love her or are you going through the dreg ends of 'being over it'? even though i am over M, i still manage to get myself mildly wound up - but hes not contacted me since i mailed back saying bothered.com - i know if he contacted me now it would rouse some vague irritation, and i am confused at - why i cant just feel nothing at all. id rather have felt some compassion for his confusion but i feel his recent actions dont warrant any empathy from me now.

 

you say you are still holding back somewhat - holding what back? friendship? potential 'talks'? symapthy for her obvious distress? what does she say when she calls you? does she want you back?

 

your subsconsious is there for a reason, listen to it. i had a dream a month ago where i looked into a huge glass tank of water and was frightened by what might be lurking in there, then the water emptied, and there were no monsters - then i dreamt i was looking round a house for something bad, i checked every room and there was nothing - i told my friend and she asked if i checked the cellar and i didnt - damnit. id guess at the desert representing an emotional desert and the tornado being a destructive but passionate force. its pretty obvious imagery int it?

 

i dont hold onto my ex's - at all. once its gone its not coming back, but i usually flog every last bit of life out of a relationship and that leaves no room for nostalgia. if something is wrong enough for it to finish, its too wrong to go back. i try to learn from it and not repeat those mistakes again and start afresh with a clean slate - thats why i recommend you do with both these girls.

 

hmm, a belm is hard to explain, its a lancashire thing. when someone tells a porky, you good naturedly say 'belm' which means 'i know you are lying'. A big belm is a whopping lie - it can be accompanied by putting your tounge in your lower lip and making belmmmm noises. a script writer i know stole it off me and wrote it into an asylum sceen - his script is in hollywood being touted for sale. if it makes it, you'll know where the term came from. haha. i want royalties.