I plan to use the next guy I date

[Twenty-ten]

Because he said he was ready to date again. Even when he walked in, he said I looked like I did years ago. We sat and talked for about an hour and we kissed right away. He even touched my hair and said he was impressed by me. He then said he was falling.

 

When he walked in where? You only saw him once? I'm sorry but your story doesn't quite make sense...Have you been in ongoing contact with him or was this all after one meeting with him?

[Kamille]

Greatgirlfriend, please at least do this:

 

If you decide to remain friends with this guy in the hopes that he will change his mind take notice that: This is a decision you are making. This is your choice.

 

With that choice, comes responsibility: you need to be able to accept that your choice comes with a risk. The risk is that this man, who has told you he couldn't imagine himself falling in love with your or anyone, may never change his mind.

 

Part of your responsibility to yourself (and to your family and friends who love you) is making sure that you are aware of the risk and that the risk will not damage your own mental well-being.

 

You are making a choice here. This isn't about God and it isn't about men. Its about you making your own decisions.

[greatgirlfriend]

When he walked in where? You only saw him once? I'm sorry but your story doesn't quite make sense...Have you been in ongoing contact with him or was this all after one meeting with him?

 

I saw him twice.

[Kamille]

When he walked in where? You only saw him once? I'm sorry but your story doesn't quite make sense...Have you been in ongoing contact with him or was this all after one meeting with him?

 

My understanding of the story is that he came on really really strong on their first date and has been pulling away ever since.

 

Is that right Greatgirlfriend? Are you hanging on to the things this guy told you on your first date and disregarding everything he said and did afterwards?

[greatgirlfriend]

My understanding of the story is that he came on really really strong on their first date and has been pulling away ever since.

 

Is that right Greatgirlfriend? Are you hanging on to the things this guy told you on your first date and disregarding everything he said and did afterwards?

 

He came on strong on the phone and everytime I saw him. Even when he called me after the second time he was coming on strong. It wasn't until later in the week when I called to see if he was coming over that weekend.

[hoping2heal]

After what men did to me, they deserve it back in spades. They are all evil so it's best to hurt someone like I've been hurt. If I can't have the one I want, I don't want others, so they deserve to be hurt. I can't wait. Right now I am looking at profiles of guys who look desperate. They are going to get theirs.

 

 

I'm sorry? Why in the hell are you trying to judge the men who have done you wrong when you are just like them? Secondly, Really? Aren't you near 40 or something? Enough already, you are too damn old to be playing the "all men are evil bastards because of what one or two men did" card.

[Kamille]

Repost, in case you missed this:

 

Greatgirlfriend, please at least do this:

 

If you decide to remain friends with this guy in the hopes that he will change his mind take notice that: This is a decision you are making. This is your choice.

 

With that choice, comes responsibility: you need to be able to accept that your choice comes with a risk. The risk is that this man, who has told you he couldn't imagine himself falling in love with your or anyone, may never change his mind.

 

Part of your responsibility to yourself (and to your family and friends who love you) is making sure that you are aware of the risk and that the risk will not damage your own mental well-being.

 

You are making a choice here. This isn't about God and it isn't about men. Its about you making your own decisions.

[threebyfate]

ggf, I hope I'm wrong but you sound like a guy, trying to sound like a nightmare older woman.

 

If I'm wrong, plse accept my apologies. If I'm wrong, I sincerely hope you don't go through with using an innocent man.

[Twenty-ten]

My understanding of the story is that he came on really really strong on their first date and has been pulling away ever since.

 

Is that right Greatgirlfriend? Are you hanging on to the things this guy told you on your first date and disregarding everything he said and did afterwards?

 

Oh I see, well if this only happened after two meetings then I would say give him time to ease back into connecting with you again. As Kamille said and as I mentioned earlier in one of my posts last night, whatever you decide you need to take responsibility for your actions/choices.

 

I think Greatgirlfriend had said at one point yesterday she was not willing to stick around and give it time, yet today she is saying that he is "the one". So if she feels he is really "the one" then why not give him time and work on reestablishing the friendship and a level of comfort and trust? To me that seems like the best road to take. If he is hesitant due to past hurt then how could that be the wrong path to take? Again, it's all in what you are willing to face up to and own up but a shift in attitude has to accompany that choice otherwise it is back to square one, or the sentiment in the opening post.

[greatgirlfriend]

Repost, in case you missed this:

 

My parents told me to try at my own risk. I have to at this point.

[Kamille]

Oh I see, well if this only happened after two meetings then I would say give him time to ease back into connecting with you again. As Kamille said and as I mentioned earlier in one of my posts last night, whatever you decide you need to take responsibility for your actions/choices.

 

I think Greatgirlfriend had said at one point yesterday she was not willing to stick around and give it time, yet today she is saying that he is "the one". So if she feels he is really "the one" then why not give him time and work on reestablishing the friendship and a level of comfort and trust? To me that seems like the best road to take. If he is hesitant due to past hurt then how could that be the wrong path to take? Again, it's all in what you are willing to face up to and own up but a shift in attitude has to accompany that choice otherwise it is back to square one, or the sentiment in the opening post.

 

As long as she is capable of taking responsibility for her decision, then she can do what she wants.

 

So far, however, she has blamed men and God when this guy has been ambivalent from day 2. She ever was ready to "use" some poor guy and continues to claim that she is in no way responsible for how hurt she currently feels.

 

Greatgirlfriend, are you capable of taking responsibility for the risk you would be taking in hanging on to a man who is telling you he is damaged goods and doesn't see himself falling in love?

[greatgirlfriend]

Oh I see, well if this only happened after two meetings then I would say give him time to ease back into connecting with you again. As Kamille said and as I mentioned earlier in one of my posts last night, whatever you decide you need to take responsibility for your actions/choices.

 

I think Greatgirlfriend had said at one point yesterday she was not willing to stick around and give it time, yet today she is saying that he is "the one". So if she feels he is really "the one" then why not give him time and work on reestablishing the friendship and a level of comfort and trust? To me that seems like the best road to take. If he is hesitant due to past hurt then how could that be the wrong path to take? Again, it's all in what you are willing to face up to and own up but a shift in attitude has to accompany that choice otherwise it is back to square one, or the sentiment in the opening post.

 

I am going to re establish the friendship. It's possible that we rushed things too soon. Yes we were friends for years, but also lost contact. Like I said, I'll give him time, but still continue to check into other options.

[Kamille]

My parents told me to try at my own risk. I have to at this point.

 

So if things don't work out, you won't blame 'men' or God? You will accept that this was part of the risk you took in hanging on?

[greatgirlfriend]

As long as she is capable of taking responsibility for her decision, then she can do what she wants.

 

So far, however, she has blamed men and God when this guy has been ambivalent from day 2. She ever was ready to "use" some poor guy and continues to claim that she is in no way responsible for how hurt she currently feels.

 

Greatgirlfriend, are you capable of taking responsibility for the risk you would be taking in hanging on to a man who is telling you he is damaged goods and doesn't see himself falling in love?

 

I have to at this point.

[Twenty-ten]

I have to at this point.

 

 

But that also involves not seeking revenge on innocent bystanders if things don't work out in your favour. Your are aware of that correct?

[greatgirlfriend]

Can I agree I won't hurt innocent guys? No I can't. I think that if it fails with me and him and we only stay friends then I'll be angrier knowing that I was once again wrong.

[Boundary Problem]

Can I agree I won't hurt innocent guys? No I can't. I think that if it fails with me and him and we only stay friends then I'll be angrier knowing that I was once again wrong.

 

 

Angry? I would just be sad. And sad people make great paintings.

 

My bf drives me nuts and because of that anxst, I make great art. well it helps me do great art.

 

If you love someone, and they want to go - just let them go.

[Twenty-ten]

Can I agree I won't hurt innocent guys? No I can't. I think that if it fails with me and him and we only stay friends then I'll be angrier knowing that I was once again wrong.

 

 

Well then you are not taking responsibility for your choices and really all you want to is to act on your original post. So I am done here. I tried and it is just not worth the stupid accusations by some nut jobs around here, and your stubborn attitude to want to make others pay for your mistakes.

 

Good luck in whatever you decide to do. Peace out.

[Kamille]

Can I agree I won't hurt innocent guys? No I can't. I think that if it fails with me and him and we only stay friends then I'll be angrier knowing that I was once again wrong.

 

Taking a risk is not about being right or wrong. It is about going into a situation with your eyes wide-open and therefore being able to recognize when you have crossed your own limits.

 

Remember, your well-being is what comes first. The responsibility of establishing healthy boundaries for yourself in a relationship falls onto you.

 

You are taking a risk. You might face deception. But you are the only person responsible for the risk you are taking.

 

This means that by taking responsibility for this risk, you are also taking responsibility for your reactions and actions if things don't work out.

[greatgirlfriend]

I know I'll be so bitter on guys that I may never recover. Why invest in something that will likely bring pain? I can't guarantee I won't end up working a guy. Maybe not how I originally wrote, but I might be so hurt that I might never be able to date others.

[Kamille]

Why invest in something that will likely bring pain?

 

Yes. Why?

 

But if you are going to invest in something that will likely bring pain, then you need to prepare to cope. Seek therapy if you can, keep talking to your friends and family and tell yourself that you will make your well-being a priority.

 

I can understand that you would be hurt if things didn't work out. But it isn't the end of the world. You can heal from this. You may not be ready to imagine loving again and that's fine for now.

 

All you can do right now is accept you are taking a risk and that there is a good chance that you might get hurt. When you do get hurt, remind yourself you chose that path, go for a massage, go to the gym, tell yourself it is better to have loved and lost, and take the time you need to to heal and learn what you can from the choices you have made.

[greatgirlfriend]

But if I don't take the risk I'll always wonder. I do have a time set about this. The timetable is around July or August (maybe earlier) so then if it doesn't work by then, I'll know. Also, that gives me time to find someone else so I'll have a boyfriend next Christmas. I may not love the next guy (if there is one) but at least I'll know I can find others.

[Satisfaction]

Aww greatgirlfriend have read through about half of these threads.

Don't do it ok! It will make you feel sick when you look back.

You may not have him but you still have you. Take time to think about you. Don't use your time to plot to hurt boys. If you feeling angry and hurt do a nice work out session instead. Plan some pampering and stuff to make you feel good.

It was risky thinking it would work with him. He is too stupid to realise what he has lost. Just avoid him and heal. Back away from the desperate ugly guys.

Sorry all i can do is write some words on here! hugs to you!

(((((((((greatgirlfriend))))))))

[greatgirlfriend]

Aww greatgirlfriend have read through about half of these threads.

Don't do it ok! It will make you feel sick when you look back.

You may not have him but you still have you. Take time to think about you. Don't use your time to plot to hurt boys. If you feeling angry and hurt do a nice work out session instead. Plan some pampering and stuff to make you feel good.

It was risky thinking it would work with him. He is too stupid to realise what he has lost. Just avoid him and heal. Back away from the desperate ugly guys.

Sorry all i can do is write some words on here! hugs to you!

(((((((((greatgirlfriend))))))))

 

Thanks. I'm sure I'd regret it, like I have some of the mean things I've done to people. I thought for sure it would work with him, which is why I gave it a chance. I've always liked him because he's like my clone.

[Satisfaction]

Thanks. I'm sure I'd regret it, like I have some of the mean things I've done to people. I thought for sure it would work with him, which is why I gave it a chance. I've always liked him because he's like my clone.

 

Maybe he is alot like you in lots of ways except knowing when he has a good thing!

Have you spoken to him since?