ItsAllGoodAgain Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I broke down, and gave in. I felt the urge once again to break NC and I did with this: "Hey Chica! I know this may seem ridiculous and unecessasry but I've been thinking about you lately. I understand our relationship was very brief and months have past since it ended. There's just a small part of me that misses you. It's not that I sit and think about things but every now and then I'm reminded of you. I think about some of the times we shared and how good I felt when you were around. The other night we were out and I saw a couple two stepping and it reminded me of our little two step attempt at the lake. The funny thing is I wasn't sad at all, watching them actually made me smile and chuckle. You made me smile quite a bit. I really appreciate the time we had. I know you've moved on and I don't want to interfere in any way. I just want to let you know that I still think of you and wonder how you're doing. Maybe its because I have yet to find that feeling with someone else. Maybe I want to know you appreciate me and the things I did the same way. I'm sure I'll never get that answer from you. I just have to realize that I was good to you. I was true with my feelings. I know with time these memories will fade and the thought of you will fade as well. Before they do, just know that I still care about you, you still cross my mind, and I really hope things are good." After reading bananas thread I've realized I need to grow thicker skin as well. Knowing that the ex and I would never work together I continue to think about her. I continue to break NC and nothing ever comes of it. When the hell am I going to be able to wash my hands of this madness? Why do I still care? Weeks go by and I don't think of us. But when she pops in my head I fold. I wonder and I try to contact. Not every time though. I have stopped myself before. Jesus, I feel like a weak minded fool and it still doesn't stop me. She's probably reading this thinking "what a loser. When will this crazy fool let this go?" As she chuckles I'm sure. Maybe she appriciates it. Maybe she'll reply. Maybe I need a kick in the balls!!
USMCHokie Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I'll do it for you. ::swift kick to ItsAllGoodAgain's balls:: followed by ::swift boat paddle to ItsAllGoodAgain's fac:: I hope you learn your lesson from this little indiscretion...but don't dwell on it...continue your life as if you had never sent it...that way you don't spend your days wondering if she read it or how she'll react or if she'll even reply... It never happened...
paleblue Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 im next in line to give 'em a swift kick in the sac. i hope you have learned too. but if not you can do it again in another month or two and we'll be there to repeat this exercise...
RockGuy87 Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I also have been thinking about contacting my ex. Go ahead and just give me a kick in the sack while you guys are at it...I know though if i do contact her ill regret it, but yet sometimes the urge is too strong but some how i keep myself from doing it.
Angel1111 Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I don't know the history behind your break-up or anything but I think what you wrote is really beautiful. Taken at face value, there's nothing wrong with what you said. It just shows that, even though it didn't work out, you still appreciate what the two of you shared.
USMCHokie Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I don't know the history behind your break-up or anything but I think what you wrote is really beautiful. Taken at face value, there's nothing wrong with what you said. It just shows that, even though it didn't work out, you still appreciate what the two of you shared. Yes, I agree, but oftentimes dumper knows that the relationship meant something...to the dumpee, and even to the dumper...there's no need to remind dumper of this... This is just a masked attempt to win dumper back...if you strip away all the pretty words, you'll have: "I still love you...Please come back..."
Angel1111 Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 This is just a masked attempt to win dumper back...if you strip away all the pretty words, you'll have: "I still love you...Please come back..." I hear ya. But whenever guys have said nice things to me after break-ups, I always thought it was nice that they said it. Even if it was an attempt to get me back, I still thought it was nice. I mean, it is a compliment that a person wants someone back. OP's email was beautifully written and there's something to be said for that.
USMCHokie Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I hear ya. But whenever guys have said nice things to me after break-ups, I always thought it was nice that they said it. Even if it was an attempt to get me back, I still thought it was nice. I mean, it is a compliment that a person wants someone back. OP's email was beautifully written and there's something to be said for that. Absolutely, I agree with you here, and it was a well-written email from OP. It was eloquent, but level-headed, and it didn't seem desperate or fake. He seemed truly appreciative and grateful for the experience he had with his ex. But that being said, the sooner dumpee realizes that dumper doesn't really deserve compliments and nice gestures/words, the sooner he/she can detach from the past relationship.
HockeyMom Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I broke NC in a big way last week and I'm in no means promoting it, because I know the reccomended method is NC to help the healing process. But... I felt good afterwards and still do. I wrote him a pretty long letter by e-mail. I will always miss and love him (I didn't write that in the letter...lol) I didn't need to, he'll always know it. The pain of keeping so much inside is too overwhelming at times and he and his new gf and kids all moved in together this past weekend and I know he's making a huge mistake and it won't last. Yes I did mention that in the letter but for the most part I said after loving him for 13 years I deserve the respect of some answers for closure if nothing else. I told him that I was confused because i thought we had everything going for us. (so obviously he knows something that I don't) Timing may have not been right to expect a response because of being so busy with the move and then time will go by and he probably can't be bothered and wouldn't know what to say back anyway... But, a couple weeks ago my therapist was the one that mentioned maybe I should write him a letter. I went back and forth with it for a while and couldn't hold out any longer... I showed it to him today and he said it was very well said and well written so it made me feel even better. I think it should have touched his heart in some way but who knows.... I don't expect a response and hopefully he didn't just get a laugh out of it but so far, I don't regret doing it... There's just too many times that I want him to know things that I'm thinking about or wondering.
USMCHokie Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I broke NC in a big way last week and I'm in no means promoting it, because I know the reccomended method is NC to help the healing process. But... I felt good afterwards and still do. I wrote him a pretty long letter by e-mail. I will always miss and love him (I didn't write that in the letter...lol) I didn't need to, he'll always know it. The pain of keeping so much inside is too overwhelming at times and he and his new gf and kids all moved in together this past weekend and I know he's making a huge mistake and it won't last. Yes I did mention that in the letter but for the most part I said after loving him for 13 years I deserve the respect of some answers for closure if nothing else. I told him that I was confused because i thought we had everything going for us. (so obviously he knows something that I don't) Timing may have not been right to expect a response because of being so busy with the move and then time will go by and he probably can't be bothered and wouldn't know what to say back anyway... But, a couple weeks ago my therapist was the one that mentioned maybe I should write him a letter. I went back and forth with it for a while and couldn't hold out any longer... I showed it to him today and he said it was very well said and well written so it made me feel even better. I think it should have touched his heart in some way but who knows.... I don't expect a response and hopefully he didn't just get a laugh out of it but so far, I don't regret doing it... There's just too many times that I want him to know things that I'm thinking about or wondering. Yep...this is especially true if you were open with your emotions during the relationship, and this openness was appreciated by your partner. You want to make sure he knows everything...I'm the same way...and early on right after the breakup, anytime something new popped in my head about how I felt, I'd immediately write up this long letter and send it off. She read them, but never responded...at the time, it felt really good to let her know what was on my mind, but looking back, it was definitely unnecessary...it served no purpose other than to alleviate my openness to her... A common coping method recommended on LS is to write these letters to your ex, but then to sit on them...don't send them...there's even a thread in the coping forum to post these letters that you WILL NOT send to your ex...that way you can let out everything you need to let out, without compromising NC...
Phateless Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 You remind me of myself before I got smart. Grow some balls and go find someone else.
Sadbutrelieved Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Don't beat yourself up too bad. You said what you needed to say and got it out, and now you can start over.
bananaboat11 Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 this is why i bitch and moan on LS sorry man. be strong!
skydiveaddict Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I wish I could kick myself in the balls...really!! Yea you just should NOT do that to yourself. It's just a HUGE step back wards. Well just move on from here and DONT do it again!
counterman Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I've done something similar a few times! I probably had a little thought of wanting to fly kick myself in the balls a few times for just a second or so, but then I move on and learn from it!
coltsfan1 Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 everyone makes mistakes! However the sooner you just swallow the fact that your relationship is over the sooner you will heal. I lost 20 lbs in 3 weeks after me and my ex broke up and I only weighed 136 lbs to begin with. The other person ISN'T worth that kind of pain! Just be strong and find yourself, I haven't got better advice and comfort than what I have gotten here on LS.
sean1970 Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 All the ball kicking in this thread cant be healthy...
USMCHokie Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 All the ball kicking in this thread cant be healthy... Unless you're the one doing the kicking...then it's strangely satisfying and rather theraputic...
Author ItsAllGoodAgain Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 Thank you for all the shots to the junk. The guilty feeling has gone and the ice pack has been applied. Angel1111, thank you for your kind words. Reading your reply gave me hope. Not the hope of getting her back, but the hope that she will appreciate my words.
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