ussy Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Hey guys, needed some advice and help so thought i might find some here Basically me and my gf broke up 1 and a half months ago. We were having a big argument for like a week, and she had said "dont ever talk to me again". I just said to her "fine ill take it as though you've left me". Were both 18 so we were probably being childish. We were together for just under 3years (like a month or so less) I rang her a couple of days later and she was really really angry, and said that she was through with me. By the way, we have broke up like 4 times before, i know thats a lot but it was for some very very serious reasons (my cousan spreading **** about her is just 1 example). After that i made the biggest mistake ever and for the next 3 weeks i literally begged her to take me back. She kept on acting like a bitch, and she kept on saying things she knew would get under my skin. After 3 weeks i had had enough, and i literally swore the hell out of her. I didn't contact her after that, then 4 days later she texts me asking how my newborn nephew was and i just replied "orite". She replied back "k" and we didnt talk for a few more days. Ive always been real close to her mum, so we still did talk. Her mum said to me that "I can tell she really really misses you, she will come back to you, just give it time, trust me im her mum" and from that conversation i just got in to talking to my ex again. She said she still loved me and that in the future she planned on getting back with me after "thinking about everything". She even apologised for all the bad things she said to me after the breakup, and said she didnt mean them. We then both agreed that we would not talk to each other, until she was "ready" to come back in the relationship (god knows if that will ever happen). Then as soon as our conversation was about to end i f***d up epically. I said to her "promise me well be together again" and she replied "no, im not gonna lead you on, im gonna think about things properly" Then a couple of days later i seen that she had gave me 2 calls, i rang her back and she said she had rang me for a lift home earlier. Inside i was feeling very awkward, i just couldn't understand this girl. First she was there acting like she hates me, then just a couple of weeks later shes acting totally different. Since then we have had 2 or 3 conversations over the phone, and what pisses me off is just as im there thinking in my head im gonna end this convo now, she always ends up being the person who ends it!!!! ARGHHHH!!!!! Thats where i am now, 12 days on NC and im still missing her so much.... any help?? Sorry for the long read, really appreciate any help or advice people can give: )
Author ussy Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 hey can someone please help me? this **** is getting to my head!
aimchase Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Ussy, You might not think so but you're in a strong position at the moment providing you stick to the NC. You've already done the begging and suggested that you want her back. You're right, that was a mistake but it's not too late. Don't feel bad for that, I didn't beg my ex back but I did keep to frequent contact and kept passing my opinions on her, some critical, to try and make her see the wood from the trees. Ask anyone here, it does not work! Keep to the NC, it's your best chance, and stick to it. Realise that if you don't hear anything in one week, one month, or even a few months, it doesn'tmean it's a failure. As soon as you go back to contact, you let her know she has the freedom to keep you dangling on a string, and all you hard work is reversed back to square one. At the same time though, don't focus the NC purely to get your ex back. Use it to also work on your own life and get used to a different scenario which may be your future, who knows. It's a two way thing, it should work for the both of you. But for now, concentrate on yourself and you'll deal with everything so much better. Good luck Aim
Author ussy Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 Ussy, You might not think so but you're in a strong position at the moment providing you stick to the NC. You've already done the begging and suggested that you want her back. You're right, that was a mistake but it's not too late. Don't feel bad for that, I didn't beg my ex back but I did keep to frequent contact and kept passing my opinions on her, some critical, to try and make her see the wood from the trees. Ask anyone here, it does not work! Keep to the NC, it's your best chance, and stick to it. Realise that if you don't hear anything in one week, one month, or even a few months, it doesn'tmean it's a failure. As soon as you go back to contact, you let her know she has the freedom to keep you dangling on a string, and all you hard work is reversed back to square one. At the same time though, don't focus the NC purely to get your ex back. Use it to also work on your own life and get used to a different scenario which may be your future, who knows. It's a two way thing, it should work for the both of you. But for now, concentrate on yourself and you'll deal with everything so much better. Good luck Aim Thanks for that, everything you said makes A LOT of sense. I really really try so hard to take my mind off of her, but in the end i always end up sitting there and remembering everything we did together. I was talking to her best friend last night, shes someone i really trust and im sure she wont screw me over and go tell my ex everything i say to her. I was just asking her questions about my ex, like if she missed me and stuff. She said that she does miss me from time to time, and that she thought that if i didnt contact her at all, in time she thought that she would miss me too much and come back to me. Am i just being pathetic???
Author ussy Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 Oh and btw... like i said, we agreed that we would not talk until she was ready, but was this a mistake by me??? I mean, would she really miss me if she knew that i was just there waiting for her? Thanks.
jb89 Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Thanks for that, everything you said makes A LOT of sense. I really really try so hard to take my mind off of her, but in the end i always end up sitting there and remembering everything we did together. I was talking to her best friend last night, shes someone i really trust and im sure she wont screw me over and go tell my ex everything i say to her. I was just asking her questions about my ex, like if she missed me and stuff. She said that she does miss me from time to time, and that she thought that if i didnt contact her at all, in time she thought that she would miss me too much and come back to me. Am i just being pathetic??? Keep in mind that regardless of how much you may trust someone with a situation as important as this, her best friend might is still HER best friend, and because it's not a situation your best friend is involved in, it may not seem like such a big deal to tell your ex things you've said. I've had this happen before. Not a fun time.
aimchase Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 I agree with JB - you might trust her best friend but I will bet your bottom dollar that everything you say gets reported back to your ex. You know the best way? When you see your ex's best friend, look happy, vibrant. Say you're doing really well with other aspects of your life and come across confident in yourself. Don't even mention the ex. Pretend you're not even thinking about her anymore. I guarantee you that will get back to the ex, and she will then think long and hard about that. Keep it up as well, don't fall back just because it doesn't work once, twice, or many times. Keep yourself appearing very controlled and optimistic about yourself. If the friend mentions your ex, just dismiss it in a polite manner, i.e, if you hear about something she's doing you could say, 'oh yeah? That's cool, good for her', then end it and move the conversation away from her. Or if the friend asks how you're feeling about the ex just say, 'well to be honest i'm just doing my own thing at the moment', and again, end that conversation. And whilst you're doing this, remember it is not all about working your ex back, it really is about you finding your own life and your confidence again. Best of luck buddy. Aim
Author ussy Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 I was on msn a bit ago and so was my ex. Anyway, she started talking to me, i was giving very very short replies, without sounding too rude. She kept on asking me question after question. Had even changed her Pm to one that she knew would anger me, i didn't show it though. Then she has the nerve to ask me what my Pm was all about. She then mentioned that her auntie always tells her to ring me and sort stuff out but she said she says to her auntie "since the last time we talked he hasn't contacted me so thats why" this had me pretty confused, i reminded her that it was HER who said she would come back to me if and when she was ready. Then she said to me that she was talking to my cousans gf (who is best mates with my ex's younger sister) and she had told her that i had a new girl. I was finding that real real funny and i basically laughed it off and said "you know how i am, im not like that". Then she said to me "oh k, you seem so much happier now, w.e it is im happy for you". I didnt directly reply to that, pretty much ignored it. I cant remember much else, but after we talked a bit she said that she had to go and stuff. I was acting as strong as i could, not once did i make it out that i still wanted to be back together or anything, is that good?? Plus, is there a reason she talked to me? Maybe she misses me? Thanks.
aimchase Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Ussy, that was proof that the NC is working. The fact that she asked you about your messenger status was because she wanted to you notice hers and ask her about it. She probably made it up purely to get to you. You're right in ignoring it. The hints about calling you but you not calling her, again, it's a subtle hint that she wants you to chase her. It's p***ing her off that you're not doing this. Keep at it, you're in the driving seat. I'd advise not to go on messenger anymore though. Don't let her have any way of communicating with you. Did you do good? Sure, you did ok. But don't go into her saying she'd come back etc. Keep making out you don't care what she does. Remember, you're doing great, you're having a ball.
fresh-one Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Right now shes keeping you on a leash, this way shes got a fall back if she dont find nuthin. Bigest problem for you guys seems like age. i mean u seem to love eachother for who you are now, but think about it in 12yrs ull both be 30 and neither should be the same person u are now otherwise wud u do wit ur lives. People tend to love hard when there young and forget that they wont always be the same person ur infatuated with now good luck
Author ussy Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 Thanks to both of you.... makes a lot of sense: )
Author ussy Posted February 19, 2010 Author Posted February 19, 2010 man im just dying to call her!!!! I know i shouldnt but im getting so frustrated. I know if i call her ill have gone through 2weeks of NC for nothing! Someone help!
looseleaf2004 Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 man im just dying to call her!!!! I know i shouldnt but im getting so frustrated. I know if i call her ill have gone through 2weeks of NC for nothing! Someone help! don't do it man. Take it from me. I did everything wrong you could possibly do wrong when my ex left me and nothing you do will work. If she wants to come back, she will come back but not by you being at her beck and call. She has to miss you and she has to actually feel like she's lost you. You can't achieve this by keeping contact with her. In the meantime focus on yourself and try to keep busy. There are times I am dying to call my ex or send her an email but when those things happen I try to play video games, do school work, hang out with friends, anything to occupy my time. After the initial wanting to call her fades for that moment, you will feel so much stronger and proud of yourself that you didn't contact her. Also, you have to realize that you've lost her. That is the reality. So you have to start living your life as if she's not a part of it, because honestly, she isn't apart of your life anymore.
Author ussy Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 omg i f***d up epically. My ex came online on msn, and my idiot mate started talking to her and saying "hes in a bad state, sort stuff out with him" and so much crap, made me look like a complete joke, and this was meant to be my BEST mate. I had even told him to not bloody talk to her. Then........................ I rang her!!!!!! I asked her what my mate had been saying to her and she told me. Then I just made the biggest mistake ever..... I let my emotions take over me and when back in to the "i love you" mode.....I just cant believe what i did to myself We talked for about an hour, I just know she still has feelings for me, dont know why.... just a feeling. Then at the end i just screwed up again. I said to her "what are the chances of us getting back together after you've thought about it" and she replied "not high". I then go to her that forget about it then, and i said "Im not like a little girl just waiting here for you, if the chances aren't high then why should i waste weeks or months of my life waiting around for you. Im not a little dog waiting to be ordered about". She kept on saying stuff like "well im not saying act like a little girl" and crap...... but after a few mins of me saying "forget about it" she finally said "fine, alright". I just feel that she still has feelings for me because when i asked her if she still loved me she wouldnt give me an answer. And when i asked if she missed me in the time we were apart she quickly changed the subject. Is this me just holding on to false hope??? I really feel even worse now that i broke NC........All because of my stupid friend. I need to MAN UP
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