abdellost Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 i keep getting confused each and every single day. My break up has been 3 weeks and she ended it bad. Just a text, quick call crying saying i changed her and she been lying to herself for the last 2 years (after 5 years together always loving each other more each day) saying shes not herself, and shut her phone and changed her number. I chased her 2 days later at her college. she was so mean and angry, like i did something wrong ( i honest to god didnt) and asked me to leave her alone, that "i did mean the world" to her and shes sorry for all this. Now, i want to pack up everything and return it to her. Not everything, but cloths, teddy bear, Star frame i got her(named a star after her), those kind of stuff. I cant have them at my house. I will literally die and my family are trying to get rid of it. But like you said, do i want to end it completely or give it time? how should i deal with this? I heard if i do this, its causing everything to be permanently over. Or should i just wait for a little bit longer? how long? This magazine she been trying to get her articles published contacted me today. it was supposed to be a valentines gift for her (been contacting them on and off since Dec, and it was a surprise for her for Valentines). They contacted me telling me they want to publish it in the Magazine (big hit magazine here). should i go on with it and do it for her? I dont know. I really love her till now, so mad at her but love her. if anyone read my thread they would understand a little more of whats going on, how she was crying the day before the break up, after an argument we had, that she cant live without me and she never wants me to leave her and she wants me to always love her more and more. Her last text was "dont ever hate me, plz. i cant sleep. im crying in bed scared you can leave me one day. please never let go of us". Sounds like someone who was eye-ing someone else?Thinking of getting with someone else? (like most people in the forum says) I dunno. confused.any help would be wonderful
sean1970 Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 "dont ever hate me, plz. i cant sleep. im crying in bed scared you can leave me one day. please never let go of us". Um... I let you go but dont you let me go? Tell me how that is not the most selfish thing you have heard...
Author abdellost Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 Um... I let you go but dont you let me go? Tell me how that is not the most selfish thing you have heard... Tell me about it. Its confusing. Been 3 weeks. this is getting ridiclious. I want closure, thats all im looking for you know
sean1970 Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Tell me about it. Its confusing. Been 3 weeks. this is getting ridiclious. I want closure, thats all im looking for you know One of the most frequent mistakes we all read here is when the dumped refuses to accept the breakup itself as closure. How many ways, how many times, do we need to hear "I don't want to date you?"
Author abdellost Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 One of the most frequent mistakes we all read here is when the dumped refuses to accept the breakup itself as closure. How many ways, how many times, do we need to hear "I don't want to date you?" Well if you been with someone for 5 years and the day before she was crying before an argument cuz she misses u and cant live without u and all that nonsense, then an argument conjures. She tries to make it alright, and spoils you with words and such. Then the next day she text u its over completely and no hope, i think anyone would want to find out whats wrong, what happend and why before they go on with their life. How the hell am i going to be able to fall in love with someone and wont think that every day they wont leave me out of the blue? they wont wake up and say they dont know if they love me anymore WHEN THEY CLEARLY never showed any signs, at all, that they can let you go. never. she was herself, actually a little more than herself and being all over me (she was traveling for a week and was scared to leave me behind).meh
DenverBachelor Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 One of the most frequent mistakes we all read here is when the dumped refuses to accept the breakup itself as closure. How many ways, how many times, do we need to hear "I don't want to date you?" Sean, I love you but I'm not "in" love with you. Sean, there's something "missing." Sean, I need space. Lot's of space. Lot's of time. Longer than we'll be alive. Sean, I think we should see other people. Sean, I don't think it is working out between us. Sean, we need to talk. Need I go on?
sean1970 Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 (edited) Well if you been with someone for 5 years and the day before she was crying before an argument cuz she misses u and cant live without u and all that nonsense, then an argument conjures. She tries to make it alright, and spoils you with words and such. Then the next day she text u its over completely and no hope, i think anyone would want to find out whats wrong, what happend and why before they go on with their life. No argument there; we all wanted to know 'why'. But you will not now, and maybe never will, be satisfied with whatever 'answers' she offers you. It is almost impossible to have an honest quid pro quo with someone that you vibrate like a tuning fork for every time they speak. Also, the dumpers own self preservation mechanisms (aka selfishness) are strong. She does not want to cut someone out of her life that she knows cares about her. This leads to nebulous responses perpetuating your confusion and heartache (Denver's post above being citied and far from complete). Many of us here have more regret for the time we spent in the breadcrumb line, looking for answers, than for any sorrow we may still carry regarding our roll in the demise of the relationship. How the hell am i going to be able to fall in love with someone and wont think that every day they wont leave me out of the blue? Every relationship is a leap of faith. What you are going through now will help you make better choices in the future... Help you select a better mate. You wont believe that now, but it is still the truth. [that] they wont wake up and say they dont know if they love me anymore WHEN THEY CLEARLY never showed any signs, at all, that they can let you go. never. she was herself, actually a little more than herself and being all over me (she was traveling for a week and was scared to leave me behind).meh You act as if this is a genuine 'surprise'... No indication that anything at all was wrong ab? Really? Are you really being honest with yourself, really examining the (5 year) relationship over time, and still you are finding no evidence why things are the way they are right now? Most of us ignore the arguments and mini breakups and form habits to quickly and easily log them as small and trite... Seismic events of little significance and certainly nothing so bad as to disturb the bedrock of our relationship... Wrong... They all leave scars... 'Death by a thousand cuts' if you will. There need not be a smoking gun either ab; it may just be that you were not right for each other... It's not that you are bad guy or her a soulless harpy. Just that it was not meant to be... Edited February 18, 2010 by sean1970
Author abdellost Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 You act as if this is a genuine 'surprise'... No indication that anything at all was wrong ab? Really? Are you really being honest with yourself, really examining the (5 year) relationship over time, and still you are finding no evidence why things are the way they are right now? Most of us ignore the arguments and mini breakups and form habits to quickly and easily log them as small and trite... Seismic events of little significance and certainly nothing so bad as to disturb the bedrock of our relationship... Wrong... They all leave scars... 'Death by a thousand cuts' if you will. There need not be a smoking gun either ab; it may just be that you were not right for each other... It's not that you are bad guy or her a soulless harpy. Just that it was not meant to be... Thats the thing. We had our ups and down. and She knows it better than i do, that the arguments we have are genuine, that it makes us stronger, makes us know each other better and better. we had an argument, it was probably the argument that made her snap. about girls and guys talking and befriending and such and such. She attacked me for saying that usually people in a relationship, when they talk to an outsider as great friends ( for example me with a girl), we might end up having crushes and such. she told me its not true. I told her fine, let me talk to my old friends again and let me be there friends (girls). she got really jelous and such and such. It was a long argument but in the end she send texts crying telling me she feels i can leave her one day, that i can hate her. That i can live without her and she loves me so much and she never wanted to make me feel bad. There was no signs at all. We had fights to the point that we said some nasty stuff. The week before the break up we had a huge fight, to the point i told her "its not going to work, love isnt everything so im sorry" but we didnt really end it. She looked at me and told me "swore u mean that, swear u want to end it" and i couldnt swear. But she started crying regardless and told me she cant believe i can say those words. How is this possible? how can there be signs? if she wanted to end it, oh lord i can think of so many days and times in those last few days she could have ended. But not that day, not the day she was all over me.
coltsfan1 Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 your best bet is to let it go, if she wanted to be with you she would be beating down your door to try and figure it out. My ex has totally charged and we run it the same group, so I am going to she here at some point. you have to begin to let it go, I am less than 2 months into the break up and I still have problems. But it is getting better every day.
GrayClouds Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 You are wanting closure but what your wanting will not happen: 1. Even if she was to meet you she would not be able to explain why, just like you are a bundle of emotions so is she. 2. Ever question you could possible ask would not lead to an answer but more questions. For example: Why did we break up? Because I do no longer love you? Why do you no longer lover me? Becasue I do not feel it? Why do you no longer feel it? Because I have changed? So on and so forth. I challenge you to post a question here with and answer she could give that would 100% satisfy you enough to walk away. If you cant then it is time to let go.
Author abdellost Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 You are wanting closure but what your wanting will not happen: 1. Even if she was to meet you she would not be able to explain why, just like you are a bundle of emotions so is she. 2. Ever question you could possible ask would not lead to an answer but more questions. For example: Why did we break up? Because I do no longer love you? Why do you no longer lover me? Becasue I do not feel it? Why do you no longer feel it? Because I have changed? So on and so forth. I challenge you to post a question here with and answer she could give that would 100% satisfy you enough to walk away. If you cant then it is time to let go. Thats what you dont get cloud my friend. I dont want answers! i want her to end it in my face at the very least in a calm way. Not me walking after her and she trying to avoid me (by the way, i stopped running after her and she stopped and waited for me, she was holding herself so back to run into my arm. i know she was). I just want her to make me feel that the last 5 years was not all for nothing!!! i just want her to be like " i lost love for you (the very next day) and i am sorry. it wont work out. its over". thats all i freaking want. I dont want to ask her questions, except if i did anything to damage her feelings. How can u cuddle with someone, someone who cant have fun without u, cant be herself without you, just for the next day a text and its over? she always said "my god, im so happy i can be myself around u, i cant do this infront of my friends and family". how the hell isnt she herself then? idont care for all that. I care for her to make me feel that the last 5 years of me giving up everything and my heart, was worth it, just that things came between us and its over
GrayClouds Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 I just want her to make me feel that the last 5 years was not all for nothing!!! You still looking for her to give you approval, confirming that your love is genuine and meant something. She can not do it, and likely will not try. Only you can confirm your feelings. Even if it was 100% on sides, that she was playing you the whole time (not likely but just for argument) how does that negate your actions, your feeling and your commitment? I does not unless you choose to. And if she does never give you that feeling, what are you going to do? How do you move on? You do it by stop focusing on her to make you feel better and start focusing on you to make yourself feel better. You may as well start that now.
Getting_stronger Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 OMG you guys are so cool I dont know if your advice helped the initial poster- but I found it useful - thank you
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