TaylorJayne Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 When I asked this question before- alot of you said that its because there is something wrong in the relationship. But isnt it possible that there really wasnt anything wrong? I mean he and I were like best friends and lovers, we got along so well- or was it just my imagination? Why does he even want to stay with me now? All we do is fight because I dont trust him. The worst part to me is that I am so angry with him that all I do is put him down- mind you, he only confessed everything to me about 4 days ago. When he told me I was cruel to him and didnt accept any of his reasons, I told him I thought he was telling me now so I would leave him. He said no he was telling me because he couldnt stand hiding it any longer and that he wanted to be honest with me, and that he didnt expect to fall so hard for me. Personally, I cant do it, I cant stay......but how do you leave???? Im so sorry that I keep on and on about this, but these forums have been my saving grace for now....I just want to be OK. I have always been the proverbeal optimist- I dont want to change that, I want to continue to see the best in people, but I dont know......is there a best in people?
bittersweet memories Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 When I asked this question before- alot of you said that its because there is something wrong in the relationship. But isnt it possible that there really wasnt anything wrong? I mean he and I were like best friends and lovers, we got along so well- or was it just my imagination? Why does he even want to stay with me now? All we do is fight because I dont trust him. The worst part to me is that I am so angry with him that all I do is put him down- mind you, he only confessed everything to me about 4 days ago. When he told me I was cruel to him and didnt accept any of his reasons, I told him I thought he was telling me now so I would leave him. He said no he was telling me because he couldnt stand hiding it any longer and that he wanted to be honest with me, and that he didnt expect to fall so hard for me. Personally, I cant do it, I cant stay......but how do you leave???? Im so sorry that I keep on and on about this, but these forums have been my saving grace for now....I just want to be OK. I have always been the proverbeal optimist- I dont want to change that, I want to continue to see the best in people, but I dont know......is there a best in people? Did you ask him "why" he cheated? If you did , what did he say?
Author TaylorJayne Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Yes I did ask and he said that at the time he did it he wasnt in love with me, so I guess even though we were exclusive, if he wasnt in love there wasnt a commitment. He also said that he thought I was cheating on him, and that was his way of dealing with it. But our relationship was not like that at all, and I said to him "so you're saying that even though I would tell you I loved you and never kept anything hidden from you, and you said you loved me too, you actually did not and supposedly I was cheating?" I told him I didnt buy it- he is just looking for ways to justify his actions, and that he knew exactly how I felt and where I was at all times, and that nothing he did is justified. Then he told me he loves me now, and he didnt expect to fall so hard for me, and I said "oh ok you told me loved me then, and I believed you, how am I supposed to believe you love me now, and just at what point did you have this epiphany"?
BlueeyedJonesy Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Taylor, wow..its only been 4 days? Vent away, we don't mind. You don't deserve to be treated this way..and to be blamed for it? wow. sounds like your SO has some problems. I am 4mos post dday and I still feel like sometimes I just want to rip him apart verbally and physically. You just have to ask yourself is he the love of your life? could you live without him? could you live through another one of his infidelities? I hope you find the answers you need!
MizFit Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 There's something lacking, but it may be in the WS and not the relationship. I think that many times there are reasons a R may be vulnerable, but it's not always the case. Vent and rant...listen and learn even if you think it doesn't pertain to you.
Author TaylorJayne Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 Blueeyed- thank you, in the beginning it is hard- I'm sorry you're still feeling like this after 4 months, and the answer to those questions are yes yes and yes Because I have to live without him- what he did was not acceptable, not because I cant forgive, but because I cannot trust him. I feel like everything he says to me is a lie now, and I know I wouldn't want to be treated that way and I cant stand being that way. I thought originally if he confessed, I could trust him and the suspicion would go away, but I don't think it will. I don't know how to explain how I feel- because I have never wanted to be away from someone that I loved. I love him and don't want to be with him- its so confusing. Miz- I am new to this forum and not up on the acronyms- what's WS?
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