Author polksaladannie Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Honest question: How can either of you determine what 'that way' defines if you haven't pressed flesh repeatedly in person? Am I missing something? Also, while I know it is completely normal and natural to have one's mind completely preoccupied with children, if a lady desires a man's attention and interest in earnest, she needs to situationally divert that attention and interest to the man. What I'm seeing now at my age is children have been replaced with grandchildren as the all-consuming attention suckers. My people-picker is now demanding equal attention and interest during the valuable time I spend with a woman. The mechanics fixed my people-picker well, methinks You made me laugh.Pressing flesh!! I actually approached him on OKCupid. He was attractive and has qualities I liked. I usually wait for the guy to come to me but made an exception. We emailed and then he stopped. A few days went by and I IMed him. We had a nice conversation and then I suggested coffee. He said he was interested but had to check his availability. Ok, fine. I have to check my schedule,too. Two more days went by and I sent him a recipe he wanted. And now I wait. I figure that if coffee was a no go he would have just said "No thanks".
Author polksaladannie Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 But what if he's a really kind, compassionate and caring man? Doesn't he deserve to be loved by a woman??? Can't answer this question without hearing your ex's side of the story. But if you are as good a person as you claim to be, I think you are totally deserving of being loved by a nice divorced man with children. Thank you so much for deciding what kind of a man is appropriate for me.
Johnny M Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Thank you so much for deciding what kind of a man is appropriate for me. You are welcome. But you still haven't answered my question about the really kind, caring and compassionate illiterate homeless guy. Is he deserving of a woman's love or not?
carhill Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 As a tip, when a man presents himself and wishes to press flesh, and does so in a gentlemanly fashion, he will appreciate your undivided interest and attention during those very important times of determining compatibility and building intimacy. This was the singular most annoying aspect of dating single mothers during my 20's and 30's.
Author polksaladannie Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 As a tip, when a man presents himself and wishes to press flesh, and does so in a gentlemanly fashion, he will appreciate your undivided interest and attention during those very important times of determining compatibility and building intimacy. This was the singular most annoying aspect of dating single mothers during my 20's and 30's. Well as I mentioned in the OP, I am organized and part of that includes setting up childcare away from the house so that flesh pressing might occur -
Author polksaladannie Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 You are welcome. But you still haven't answered my question about the really kind, caring and compassionate illiterate homeless guy. Is he deserving of a woman's love or not? He is deserving of love but a person who is illiterate and homeless might have more important concerns than finding a date.
carhill Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Undivided lives far beyond physical separation. Think of all those wonderful coloring book stories dates are regaled with, now augmented by PDA pictures of said coloring books. Replace 'coloring book' with any child-related anecdote and add in a smattering of 'I don't really care about the guy's life because, you know, I'm a busy mom and he should understand such things, but I do like his company'. That's what I tolerated too much of in my 20's and 30's, but no more
Author polksaladannie Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Undivided lives far beyond physical separation. Think of all those wonderful coloring book stories dates are regaled with, now augmented by PDA pictures of said coloring books. Replace 'coloring book' with any child-related anecdote and add in a smattering of 'I don't really care about the guy's life because, you know, I'm a busy mom and he should understand such things, but I do like his company'. That's what I tolerated too much of in my 20's and 30's, but no more Waaaaaaaay OT but I find this to be a mistake that many women make..once they become mothers, the sexual relationship with their partners goes right out the window. It is sad and unnecessary. Waaaaaaay TMI but one thing I pride myself on is my sexual prowess. I am good in bed and intend to stay that way. I might be single mom but guarantee that few 20something year old girls with no kids could hold a candle to me.....
Ruby Slippers Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I hear what you're saying, but as a woman with no kids, I would strongly prefer to have a relationship with a man with no kids. I see kids as a strike against a guy, and he'd have to be really special for me to consider him as a real prospect. And if I were a guy, I imagine I'd feel the same way about women with kids. Kids divert time, energy, and money -- and huge amounts of it. There's just no getting around that.
Johnny M Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 He is deserving of love but a person who is illiterate and homeless might have more important concerns than finding a date. Haha, nice attempt at rationalizing. One could also say that single mothers have better things to do than finding a date (unless their kids are of adult age). Why wouldn't you want to date a homeless, illiterate man with a great heart? Homelessness and illiteracy are curable conditions - with a little help, he could make a great husband!!
MissJoness Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I hear what you're saying, but as a woman with no kids, I would strongly prefer to have a relationship with a man with no kids. I see kids as a strike against a guy, and he'd have to be really special for me to consider him as a real prospect. And if I were a guy, I imagine I'd feel the same way about women with kids. Kids divert time, energy, and money -- and huge amounts of it. There's just no getting around that. I would date a guy with a child. My limit is one child though. More than that is too much. By him being a guy, its quite different. The kids are most likely going to be wtih the mom most of the time anyway so I don't think too much attention would be diverted away from me
Author polksaladannie Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Haha, nice attempt at rationalizing. One could also say that single mothers have better things to do than finding a date (unless their kids are of adult age). Why wouldn't you want to date a homeless, illiterate man with a great heart? Homelessness and illiteracy are curable conditions - with a little help, he could make a great husband!! Assuming their kids and home are properly cared for, what "better things" does a SM have to do?
carhill Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Interesting how you thought I might be referring to sex. (that would be incorrect). The overriding dynamic I found with those few I was sexual with was that they seemed to think that boinking absolved them of other expressions of intimacy which they expected from me. In all cases, once I set a boundary and expressed my feelings, they moved on to a less discerning potential, I'm assuming one they could satisfy with boinking alone. Hope it worked out
Author polksaladannie Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 :rolleyes: Sorry about that.... Interesting how you thought I might be referring to sex. (that would be incorrect). The overriding dynamic I found with those few I was sexual with was that they seemed to think that boinking absolved them of other expressions of intimacy which they expected from me. In all cases, once I set a boundary and expressed my feelings, they moved on to a less discerning potential, I'm assuming one they could satisfy with boinking alone. Hope it worked out
Author polksaladannie Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Assuming their kids and home are properly cared for, what "better things" does a SM have to do? JohnnyM? Have an answer for this??
Johnny M Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Assuming their kids and home are properly cared for, what "better things" does a SM have to do? Make as much money as possible to provide your kids with the best possible lifestyle and education? Spend as much time as possible with the kids to make sure they grow up well adjusted (as opposed to pushing them off to a baby sitter)? Think about it: every minute you spend banging some dude (or browsing okcupid in search of a dude to bang) could have been spent reading a book to your child or taking them to music lessons or something. You can never do too much for your kids, right? So what about the illiterate homeless guy? Am I correct in assuming that you would never consider dating someone like that, no matter how good a person he was?
Author polksaladannie Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Make as much money as possible to provide your kids with the best possible lifestyle and education? Spend as much time as possible with the kids to make sure they grow up well adjusted (as opposed to pushing them off to a baby sitter)? Think about it: every minute you spend banging some dude (or browsing okcupid in search of a dude to bang) could have been spent reading a book to your child or taking them to music lessons or something. You can never do too much for your kids, right? So what about the illiterate homeless guy? Am I correct in assuming that you would never consider dating someone like that, no matter how good a person he was? What if my kids are in bed asleep while I am looking for a relationship? Also, no, I would not consider dating an illiterate homeless man. You are comparing apples with oranges here
bayouboi Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Pdannie, it's not you...it's me. I'm the one with the emotional baggage that makes me exclude single mothers from my preferences. Sometimes I find myself resentful "Oh you wanted HIM for his genes, but now you want ME to take care of you and HIS?". Sometimes I find myself jealous "Your kids will always come first". Do you really want someone like me?
Johnny M Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Also, no, I would not consider dating an illiterate homeless man. You are comparing apples with oranges here And you are comparing apples to oranges when you compare a divorced single mother with a never married man with no children. If you can view a homeless man as "beneath you" in terms of his social status, it is totally hypocritical for you to suggest that it's wrong if I see someone like you as being beneath someone like me. And you obviously weren't genuine when you said that the quality of one's character is the only thing by which he/she should be judged.
Author polksaladannie Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 (edited) And you are comparing apples to oranges when you compare a divorced single mother with a never married man with no children. If you can view a homeless man as "beneath you" in terms of his social status, it is totally hypocritical for you to suggest that it's wrong if I see someone like you as being beneath someone like me. I never said he was "beneath me". I said I would not date him. I want someone who has a home and can read; I believe most of us would. The thing is, JohnnyM..you are saying that being a single mother is comparable to being illiterate and homeless.. Edited February 16, 2010 by polksaladannie
Johnny M Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I never said he was "beneath me". I said I would not date him. Don't split hairs. Saying that you wouldn't date him implies that he's not good enough for you, just like saying that one wouldn't date single moms implies that they are not good enough for him. I want someone who has a home and can read; I believe most of us would. He could live in your house and go to school.
carhill Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 And maybe be really good with kids and do yardwork and wash the dishes and boink like a madman
Johnny M Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 The thing is, JohnnyM..you are saying that being a single mother is comparable to being illiterate and homeless.. No, that's not what I'm saying. What I am saying is that you were not genuine when you said that the quality of one's character is the only thing by which he/she should be judged. You have just made it clear that you wouldn't give a chance to a good man if he wasn't fortunate enough. And yet, you complain that men don't give you a chance even though you are a good person (or so you say). See the point now?
Author polksaladannie Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Don't split hairs. Saying that you wouldn't date him implies that he's not good enough for you, just like saying that one wouldn't date single moms implies that they are not good enough for him. He could live in your house and go to school. Now you are just being stupid...An illiterate and homeless person has a lot to worry about; many single mothers are in a good place and want to find someone to love. Nothing wrong with that.
Johnny M Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Now you are just being stupid...An illiterate and homeless person has a lot to worry about; many single mothers are in a good place and want to find someone to love. Well, if I'm stupid, what does that make you? Cause you've just proven my point
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