Shocke Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Hello fellows, I'm new to this forum, and I glad that I'm here, since I know that this is the place to be. I'm a 26 year old man, I studied medicine in a foreign country and moved to USA afterward to prepare my board exam to be able to practice medicine here. After I came to NY, I used to live with my uncle with his family. But, while I was in medical school, I had a ex-girlfriend, and she cheated on me, and I had a bad brake up after graduation period. So, when I came here, since my uncle knew about what happened he wanted to hook me up with some other women, which i wasn't too interested in the idea. I had a chance to get back in touch with a of 27 year old woman had a crunch on since I was kids, we started dating and a relationship. It's been a year and 6 months since. I started having problem with my family members, since they would preferred someone else for me. I never accepted the idea, and the relationship with my girlfriend got stronger since I love her with all my heart. It was very difficult for me to deal with this situation, since mostly everyone in my family back up on me. As I told about my preparations for the boards, I took my board exam and fail the first time. It was very hard for me, to deal with one more issue. but, this was the first time this ever happened to me. The worst thing, is that they blame my failure on my girlfriend. I decided to cut connection with them, and moved in with my girlfriend and proposed to marry her. I started to look for jobs, which are hard to find. Seems like everything is getting more and more difficult for me. My main issue, is that my girlfriend has a very strong personality, and a very difficult person. She doesn't really like to have sex, and concentrate more on work related stuff, and is not to romantic. Most of the time I might wanna to interact with her, play with or anything else, she gives me an attitude or say that leave her alone, she is not in the mood. Sometimes, I feel hurt. I try to deal with it but I really haven't find a way to cope with this situation.
Lakeside_runner Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 First of all - I am sorry to hear about your problems. I don't know you but still am sorry... I was in kind of a similar situation two years ago - it seemed that everything is getting more and more difficult. Life got really hard and it felt like every day is a struggle. There are two ways out of it - either you give up and let things evolve their natural way or you will be a fighter and face the difficulties. I did the second and I think it paid off a lot - I have learnt a great deal about myself during that period. So here is the deal - are there things you have always wanted to do? Join a sports club, go somewhere etc.? If yes - stop dreaming about it and just do it! Do something for yourself! As far as your GF goes - did you talk to her about these issues? If you feel like there is a problem between you two - TALK to her about it openly! You have been in a relationship with her for over 1.5 years now - you should be at a stage where you can share these things with her!
Leia Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 This is tough. I say this because in my culture or rather religion, it's crucial to have parents approval when it comes to relationship/marriage. From experience of my own, relatives and friends ~ most of our past relationships did not work out because of parents/family disapproval. How long have you been with this girlfriend of yours? Were you alright with her not being that romantic or difficult in the beginning of your relationship or are all these negatives traits only started to come out recently?
Author Shocke Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 thank you Lakeside runner and Leia for your replies. I sometimes tries to talk to her about them. But, she believes that I make a great of any little issue. I have been with her for a year and a half now. Well I figured out those since I started, and mentioned it to her, she has said, I'm the first person she showed emotion to, and hasn't done before. But, i still dont know what to expect.
Itzonator Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Hello fellows, I'm new to this forum, and I glad that I'm here, since I know that this is the place to be. I'm a 26 year old man, I studied medicine in a foreign country and moved to USA afterward to prepare my board exam to be able to practice medicine here. After I came to NY, I used to live with my uncle with his family. But, while I was in medical school, I had a ex-girlfriend, and she cheated on me, and I had a bad brake up after graduation period. So, when I came here, since my uncle knew about what happened he wanted to hook me up with some other women, which i wasn't too interested in the idea. I had a chance to get back in touch with a of 27 year old woman had a crunch on since I was kids, we started dating and a relationship. It's been a year and 6 months since. I started having problem with my family members, since they would preferred someone else for me. I never accepted the idea, and the relationship with my girlfriend got stronger since I love her with all my heart. It was very difficult for me to deal with this situation, since mostly everyone in my family back up on me. As I told about my preparations for the boards, I took my board exam and fail the first time. It was very hard for me, to deal with one more issue. but, this was the first time this ever happened to me. The worst thing, is that they blame my failure on my girlfriend. I decided to cut connection with them, and moved in with my girlfriend and proposed to marry her. I started to look for jobs, which are hard to find. Seems like everything is getting more and more difficult for me. My main issue, is that my girlfriend has a very strong personality, and a very difficult person. She doesn't really like to have sex, and concentrate more on work related stuff, and is not to romantic. Most of the time I might wanna to interact with her, play with or anything else, she gives me an attitude or say that leave her alone, she is not in the mood. Sometimes, I feel hurt. I try to deal with it but I really haven't find a way to cope with this situation. Thanks for sharing! I believe is a mistake to break up with your parents, but since they do not understand you ... it might be a good way to go. Now, you are frustarated, because your girlfriend does not want to interact with you in any sexual manner. That's a problem as you probably guessed it, otherwise you wouldn't share your pain in this forum. This is my idea ... if I was in your situation, I would talk to my girlfriend to see what exactly worries her, without putting MYSELF into the equation. It will be all about her, to see what's the deal with her behavior. If she finds it difficult to be OPEN to me ... then probably I would end this relationship, no matter how much I LOVE HER, because it has to be mutual. If I try to relate to her, and see how can I get involved in her problems, give her some "tools" and support, it might turn the cards around.
Author Shocke Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Thank you Itzonator for your reply.
DustySaltus Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I'm sorry about your situation. At the end of the day your parents just want what's best for you. I gave up my family for a girl. I remember telling my mother I was moving halfway across the world and she was crying her eyes out. My parents had their doubts about her but I didn't listen. At the end of the day they were right. Your parents #1 priority will always be you. It's not even a question. Are you her #1 priority?
Author Shocke Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Thank you DustySaltus for you reply. I understood what you said, and it got me thinking...But, my question now is that : How would I know that ? Does it always go wrong all the time ? Thank you once again for your time.
boogieboy Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 She doesn't really like to have sex, and concentrate more on work related stuff, and is not to romantic. Most of the time I might wanna to interact with her, play with or anything else, she gives me an attitude or say that leave her alone, she is not in the mood. Sometimes, I feel hurt. I try to deal with it but I really haven't find a way to cope with this situation. Shocke, I hate to tell you this, but your girlfriend has lost her attraction to you. Think about how she treated you in the beginning of your relationship....did she act this way? You might have to let her go, for your sake, before you invest any more emotion into her.
Itzonator Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Shocke, I hate to tell you this, but your girlfriend has lost her attraction to you. Think about how she treated you in the beginning of your relationship....did she act this way? You might have to let her go, for your sake, before you invest any more emotion into her. That's a good point. Lets assume she lost attraction to you ... which will hurt you BIG TIME. But give a thought on this for a second, it might be useful mental preparation. Sometimes expecting the worst is a good virtue, because it is a source of mental preparedness for future set-back. If she lost attraction to you, that means she may seek for sex elsewhere. Ask yourself the following question, when was the last time you had sex? Sex is important ingredient to sustain healthy relationship.
Author Shocke Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 Thanks folks...I guess I have to think about it...
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