Does he have a girlfriend?

February 16, 2010

Hey guys, don't know if this is the place for my thread but anyway... I know this is a long post but I would really appreciate your thoughts and opinions. xo

Ok, so I got a new job and there is this guy at my work who I felt instant strong attraction to the minute I set eyes on him. Since then, we haven't kept our eyes off each other! Its pretty intense. Ive caught him looking at me through the reflection (He had no idea and he was just starring for ages!).

We both first spoke when we both got lost in the car park after work (lol, the car park is huge!) and we laughed cause we both couldn't remember where we had parked! The next day we said hi and laughed again about the day before.

We both work in different departments so we really only see each other if we start or finish at the same time. So since the car park incident it again went back to the eye contact and the starring. When he would walk past my department, he made sure he walked past me, rather than from behind and said hi again.

Well tonight (on valentines day haha) we finished at the same time. We got out literally at the exact same time and without realizing he was beside me walking to the staff bus pick up that takes us to the car park. We said hi and started to really talk for the first time. He asked me a few questions and visa versa, where are you from, what did you do before this, etc. We laughed, it felt comfortable instantly. We had a lot in common. When I told him I can't wait to visit Italy and that I have family there, his face lit up "Your Italian too?".

Anyway, our quiet time was ruined by another employee who showed up "Hey guys" (Oh god I said to myself lol) haha. Anyway the other employee started talking to me and as we were talking (with him sitting to my right), he just kept starring at me as I spoke to her. (I felt so paranoid hoping I looked good lol) We went on the bus and she sat next to me and there was no more room so he stood beside us... This woman talks and talks so I really couldn't talk to him anymore but he was listening to our convo and turned his head in to try and be apart of it but really couldn't cause this woman won't let you fit a word in! lol

Anyway as she was speaking to me, I noticed in the reflection of the glass that he was starring at me the whole time! Now comes the confusing part... I think he has a GF!

I'm not a crazy stalker and I'm sure all us ladies use facebook as a "background check" haha and that I'm not the only one! haha Anyway I looked him up on facebook but its set on private! Yet there is a woman he is posing with in his display pic? Its seems to me to be a couple type of pose? I could get into his profile pic and it had her name under her pic (being a member of facebook this comes up automatically). Anyway I press on her name and she too has the same pic in her profile pic! Her page states that she is in a relationship but it doesn't state his name. Her page was last updated Feb 2009, so a year old. It seems she also made his facebook account as she is his only friend and he has zero updates too since 2008 and all it says on his page is "Welcome to facebook".

Anyway to me this kinda proves that they are together and that he isn't single? I hope I'm wrong cause this is the guy Ive been looking for, you know when you just know? No doubts, that kind of strong chemistry and attraction. I'm so fussy with men and for the first time in a while I looked across the room and felt strong attraction, from there it was intense and when we finally really got into a conversation, I just knew. Can't explain it.

Now I'm just worried he isn't single and its driving me nuts. I don't want to get hurt.

February 16, 2010

That's such a wonderful way to finally talk, isn't it? The car park story is a gem.

Well, as for the facebook thing, you can't really tell whether he has a girlfriend or not. IMO, and my facebook experience is very limited, it seems that he doesn't use his facebook much. You should just keep talking to him as normal and, if he asks you out, then go from there. Do not get your hopes up too high though and expect anything major.

February 16, 2010

Cute story.....

Since the facebook info looks dated for both of them, I wouldn't put too much weight in that. You could ask him if he belongs to facebook, hint that you want to send a friend request. Watch his reaction. You might be able to confirm that she is the one that set up his account. He may not know the password, therefore can't access and change the relationship status (actually happened to a friend of mine) or he may just not be into facebook so he doesn't care or even remember what it says.

I would be cautious but not rule him out yet.

February 16, 2010

Could be a couple of things:

a) He's having issues in his current relationship and has developed a wandering eye.

b) He's in a relationship but wants something on the side.

c) He's being friendly with you and wants more but due to his current situation he's limited to looking at your reflection.

d) He's thinking the same thing you are thinking and it might turn into a game of chicken because no one wants to be embarrased.

The only solution to this is to ask him what his situation is. In my opinion I think her does have a gf but he's not happy. I know, because i've been that guy. I'd like to know what his answer is....

February 16, 2010

That's such a wonderful way to finally talk, isn't it? The car park story is a gem.

Well, as for the facebook thing, you can't really tell whether he has a girlfriend or not. IMO, and my facebook experience is very limited, it seems that he doesn't use his facebook much. You should just keep talking to him as normal and, if he asks you out, then go from there. Do not get your hopes up too high though and expect anything major.

Haha I know! The way we were able to first actually speak to each other (breaking the ice) is so funny, like it came straight from a movie. Loved it! haha

It was so funny... You could just hear my heels the whole time while he was in front and it felt like we were walking forever! He then paused and looked back at me as I looked as lost as he did (lol) and was like “I can’t find my car” and I laughed “Me too” so here we are going back and forth and our cars ending up being just near each other! lol The next day he smiled at me and we laughed as he said “and your car was right next to mine too”. Haha

And the whole finishing at the exact same time, meeting bodies (almost bumping into each other) while walking to the bus stop literally at the exact same time, on a rotating 24 hour roster on VALENTINES DAY was just gem too!

February 16, 2010

Cute story.....

Since the facebook info looks dated for both of them, I wouldn't put too much weight in that. You could ask him if he belongs to facebook, hint that you want to send a friend request. Watch his reaction. You might be able to confirm that she is the one that set up his account. He may not know the password, therefore can't access and change the relationship status (actually happened to a friend of mine) or he may just not be into facebook so he doesn't care or even remember what it says.

I would be cautious but not rule him out yet.

On his facebook page, there is no relationship status. It just says welcome to facebook dated in 2008. She is his only friend (That's how I clicked on to her profile).

And when I clicked on to her page, she has the same profile pic with her status stating 'In a Relationship' but it doesn't say to who. She added him and a 4 more others to her 'Best Friend List' and her last update was Feb 2009.

I guess your right about not putting too much weight on the facebook thing...

February 16, 2010

Could be a couple of things:

a) He's having issues in his current relationship and has developed a wandering eye.

b) He's in a relationship but wants something on the side.

c) He's being friendly with you and wants more but due to his current situation he's limited to looking at your reflection.

d) He's thinking the same thing you are thinking and it might turn into a game of chicken because no one wants to be embarrased.

The only solution to this is to ask him what his situation is. In my opinion I think her does have a gf but he's not happy. I know, because i've been that guy. I'd like to know what his answer is....

Thanks for this... Its nice to hear it from a guys point of view. I never thought of some of the things you mentioned.

He is definitely not (b) though. He isn't the sleazy type of guy... He is a nice guy that comes across shy to begin with. (Like it took the car park situation to break the ice and than he was easy to talk to). Much like me, I freeze up and go quiet around someone I like... I really needed that car park incident! lol

When we were talking, I gave him hints that I was single. We spoke about travel and I mentioned how I was going to go this year but my friend got her dream job so we are making it next year. And he said "So your going with your friend?"... "Ah well next year! You have more time to save"... Then I spoke about my short trip away and how we got lost the whole time by my sisters boyfriend (which he laughed about). The other employee there asked who I went with and I said "My sis and cousins" and he knew about my sisters boyfriend being there too so to me I basically gave it away that I was single otherwise I would of mentioned my "boyfriend".

He spoke about going away soon but didn't mention with who...

February 16, 2010

Oh and about point "C"... To me if he is real serious about his girlfriend, he really shouldn't be starring the way he has been, the eye contact and all those signs of attraction he is giving off just isn't right if he really does have a girlfriend he cares about. (He is a nice guy though, not the sleazy type).

Before our proper first conversation at the bus stop, things he did was:

Ive caught him in the reflection more than once, where he is just starring at me the whole time, while I'm walking to enter my department, with his whole body directly facing towards my way. Ive also caught him smiling to his friend and talking about me when I entered his department (The only time Ive entered his department).

When he entered mine, I was standing near by as he was talking to our boss and the whole time we were just making eye contact, holding the gaze. I would look up and back down and catch and hold his eye again and visa versa. It was consistent till his conversation was over with our boss and he left. He also made a point to say hi to me when he walked past our department, when he could of easily avoided me by walking past from behind me. But instead he made a point for me to notice him (as I was busy) by directly walking past me (2 steps away from me) to look my way and say hi as I looked up, where as he doesn't bother with any of the other woman working there.

February 16, 2010

Oh and about point "C"... To me if he is real serious about his girlfriend, he really shouldn't be starring the way he has been, the eye contact and all those signs of attraction he is giving off just isn't right if he really does have a girlfriend he cares about. (He is a nice guy though, not the sleazy type).

Before our proper first conversation at the bus stop, things he did was:

Ive caught him in the reflection more than once, where he is just starring at me the whole time, while I'm walking to enter my department, with his whole body directly facing towards my way. Ive also caught him smiling to his friend and talking about me when I entered his department (The only time Ive entered his department).

When he entered mine, I was standing near by as he was talking to our boss and the whole time we were just making eye contact, holding the gaze. I would look up and back down and catch and hold his eye again and visa versa. It was consistent till his conversation was over with our boss and he left. He also made a point to say hi to me when he walked past our department, when he could of easily avoided me by walking past from behind me. But instead he made a point for me to notice him (as I was busy) by directly walking past me (2 steps away from me) to look my way and say hi as I looked up, where as he doesn't bother with any of the other woman working there.

The more and more I think about it, it seems to be leaning to "A". If he was happy with his current relationship, something would've came out about it at some point.

February 16, 2010

The more and more I think about it, it seems to be leaning to "A". If he was happy with his current relationship, something would've came out about it at some point.

When he mentioned going away... He should of mentioned with his girlfriend (If he has one), even if he wasn't going away with her just to give me the hint you know?

We spoke about a lot in that short time.. We spoke about everything from study to travel, family, etc. I know what his sister is studying, where he lives - he asked me first. We spoke about where our parents are from, what we did before this and heaps more. We got into detail, we laughed a lot but we both just didn't discuss relationships.

February 16, 2010

When he mentioned going away... He should of mentioned with his girlfriend (If he has one), even if he wasn't going away with her just to give me the hint you know? /QUOTE]

That's what I'm saying. I think that in his head right now there is probably a lot of things going around.

Here's where I'm coming from (just an example):

I start going out with someone who is a solid 7.5 in every category. Things are going well, she treats me great but for some reason I just don't really know if she's the one i'm supposed to be with. Then something happens to justify that. Maybe an argument, I see another side to them that I don't like or they become too controlling. At that same moment I walk into work and there is this beautiful woman. I get to know her and she turns out she's a solid 9.5 (initially). The only problem is not only do I have a gf but i'm going on a trip with her in two weeks to try and see if I can bring back the "spark". I'm a good guy so I don't want to cheat but at the same time I may not have the opportunity to meet a 9.5 for a while.....hence, now I look like a selfish jerk. So I leave myself resigned to staring at a reflection of her through a mirror until I figure out what I am going to do....

February 16, 2010

On his facebook page, there is no relationship status. It just says welcome to facebook dated in 2008. She is his only friend (That's how I clicked on to her profile).

And when I clicked on to her page, she has the same profile pic with her status stating 'In a Relationship' but it doesn't say to who. She added him and a 4 more others to her 'Best Friend List' and her last update was Feb 2009.

I guess your right about not putting too much weight on the facebook thing...

I don't understand this FB thing:

What do you mean that her last update was in Feb. 2009? FB does not show anyone's last log-in or last activity. Do you mean that the last time someone posted to her profile was in Feb 2009?

You said this guy's profile was set to "private" and all you could see was his default pic, and then you turned around and said that he only has one friend, and a "welcome to FB" wall post - which implies that his profile is not private, as you can see it.

February 16, 2010

When he mentioned going away... He should of mentioned with his girlfriend (If he has one), even if he wasn't going away with her just to give me the hint you know?

We spoke about a lot in that short time.. We spoke about everything from study to travel, family, etc. I know what his sister is studying, where he lives - he asked me first. We spoke about where our parents are from, what we did before this and heaps more. We got into detail, we laughed a lot but we both just didn't discuss relationships.

Sounds all too familiar. I met a guy like this guy in your situation, just not at the car park . He mentioned everyone whenever we talked but what he forgot to mention later on was his fiance. If I did not do a bit of background check on him, I would have gone ahead and got myself involved with him.

Just because a guy doesn't mention the girlfriend/fiance/wife, does not mean he doesn't have one. Some guys choose to leave that part out for the purpose of looking for someone on the side.

Try and ask around about him.

February 16, 2010

I don't understand this FB thing:
What do you mean that her last update was in Feb. 2009? FB does not show anyone's last log-in or last activity. Do you mean that the last time someone posted to her profile was in Feb 2009?

You said this guy's profile was set to "private" and all you could see was his default pic, and then you turned around and said that he only has one friend, and a "welcome to FB" wall post - which implies that his profile is not private, as you can see it.

Her last activity and any last activity was Feb 2009.

I went by memory when I said private. I went back to check and it wasn't private, I just realized that he has never used it hence why there is nothing on his page (which made it look private when I went by memory before double checking).

February 16, 2010

Sounds all too familiar. I met a guy like this guy in your situation, just not at the car park . He mentioned everyone whenever we talked but what he forgot to mention later on was his fiance. If I did not do a bit of background check on him, I would have gone ahead and got myself involved with him.

Just because a guy doesn't mention the girlfriend/fiance/wife, does not mean he doesn't have one. Some guys choose to leave that part out for the purpose of looking for someone on the side.

Try and ask around about him.

He isn't that type of guy.

We have only had one conversation because there was an opportunity to do so. We work in completely different departments so it will be a slower process to get to know more of each other.

We simply just didn't get to that part of the conversation. I didn't ask him and he didn't ask me if we were in a relationship. Simple. We didn't have hours to spare lol We were talking about other things. I gave it away (that I was single or at least hints of it) naturally in conversation. As I mentioned friends, cousins and going away which included them and my sisters boyfriend. I'm sure he'd click if I had a boyfriend I would of mentioned him too, as he most likely would of been apart of the holiday.

He mentioned going away too but never spoke about who he was going away with. Eventually once we get to know each other more, I'm sure we will discuss that and ill find out if he is single or not.

February 16, 2010

He isn't that type of guy.

You know this cos you "feel" that he isn't that type?

February 16, 2010

If I can try to find out in advance through other ways (without it being obvious), its better for me cause at this point I don't know whether to be excited (as you naturally are when your first really attracted to someone) or not (because of the facebook thing).

February 16, 2010

You know this cos you "feel" that he isn't that type?

I can tell. I know a sleazy guy from nice guy. Some girls have no clue, trust me I can detect these things a mile away. I get it right all the time.

February 16, 2010

Her last activity and any last activity was Feb 2009.

I went by memory when I said private. I went back to check and it wasn't private, I just realized that he has never used it hence why there is nothing on his page (which made it look private when I went by memory before double checking).

It depends on what kind of activity you're talking about, but since FB changed yet again recently, the settings are kind of weird and messed up, so it's very possible that what you're seeing isn't accurate. But again, it depends on what kind of activity you're talking about.

They also could have a different account and you're looking at an old/unused one.

Either way, why don't you just ask him? If you don't want to be blunt, it would be very easy to find a subtle way to bring it up, since you two talk about so many things.

February 16, 2010

I'm taking a guess that he doesn't have a myspace, either.

February 17, 2010

When he mentioned going away... He should of mentioned with his girlfriend (If he has one), even if he wasn't going away with her just to give me the hint you know? /QUOTE]

That's what I'm saying. I think that in his head right now there is probably a lot of things going around.

Here's where I'm coming from (just an example):

I start going out with someone who is a solid 7.5 in every category. Things are going well, she treats me great but for some reason I just don't really know if she's the one i'm supposed to be with. Then something happens to justify that. Maybe an argument, I see another side to them that I don't like or they become too controlling. At that same moment I walk into work and there is this beautiful woman. I get to know her and she turns out she's a solid 9.5 (initially). The only problem is not only do I have a gf but i'm going on a trip with her in two weeks to try and see if I can bring back the "spark". I'm a good guy so I don't want to cheat but at the same time I may not have the opportunity to meet a 9.5 for a while.....hence, now I look like a selfish jerk. So I leave myself resigned to staring at a reflection of her through a mirror until I figure out what I am going to do....
Its amazing how woman and men look at things so differently when passing judgment. Woman instantly claim he is a cheater when we've only had one conversation and your saying well he could be simply confused and shouldn't be giving off all of that if he were truly happy in his relationship. Its nice to actually hear a guys point of view from real actual experiences.

Ive been in your situation before btw. My friend also has been, she was with her man for a solid 7 years since she was 14! I could tell her feelings were changing for him, just by her mannerisms. But once the doubt kicks in, its not the best of signs. Sometimes a break from each other can help, other times it confirms it all and that's exactly what happened with her.

They decided to have a little "break" and during that time she meet someone whom she is so much happier with. So she officially ended with him after 7 whole years! But she's happier than Ive ever seen her! He took it pretty hard because his feelings didn't change but hers did. In the end as much as she hated breaking his heart, she had to do what was right for her.

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