cuppa Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 How are you dealing with the anger and resentment? It is day 11 for me and knowing he told me it will be another 22 days before he will even consider it is just making me more angry and resentful. I feel like he is manipulating me too. I tried this morning for 30 minutes and he turned his back towards me. I'm only 47 too. And I'm 33 and it's been over 20 days for sure.
Author giotto Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 If you make it very clear to her that if you go down the road of sex therapy / MC, that you will not get angry I got "angry" once in 3 months... but even once in 3 months is enough for her to reset herself to zero and start the process all over again... it's impossible for me to do anything.
BettyBoop Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 To be honest. I think I would not be able to stand a person who smiled at me when I said I would no longer ask for sex with them. That would probably shatter the last of my self-esteem if I had gone through what you have. I'm not a woman who has had several kids and am fairly young but I would never think once a week was anything to even argue over. I forgot if you told us - but how is she about the other intimate stuff like kissing and cuddling and making out? Does she perform oral sex to you at all or is the entire sex-menu forbidden to mention or ask about? Or is it just the actual intercourse she doesn't want?
Author giotto Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 To be honest. I think I would not be able to stand a person who smiled at me when I said I would no longer ask for sex with them. That would probably shatter the last of my self-esteem if I had gone through what you have. I'm not a woman who has had several kids and am fairly young but I would never think once a week was anything to even argue over. I forgot if you told us - but how is she about the other intimate stuff like kissing and cuddling and making out? Does she perform oral sex to you at all or is the entire sex-menu forbidden to mention or ask about? Or is it just the actual intercourse she doesn't want? she didn't smile when I agreed to a sexless marriage (or at least for as long as it takes), her depression seemed to lift quite quickly after that (and she was smiling again), indicating to me that the problem was the sex and not the meds not working anymore... There is no kissing or cuddling... her reason being that she doesn't want me to get the wrong idea... (like I could get the wrong idea after all this); there hasn't been any kissing or cuddling for a long time (maybe 5 or 6 years)... She likes oral sex (well, in bed... ) and she is not inhibited about it... she is quite good in bed... lol We never talk about sex, though... at the moment she is rejecting the "whole package"...
BettyBoop Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I'm amazed there is still love if there has been no kissing or cuddling for the last 5-6 years! Myself, I need cuddling and kissing to feel loved. In fact, I feel more loved by kissing and cuddling than sex. Perhaps it is time to ask for kisses and cuddles again - she cannot say no since you've basically just agreed to a non-sexual marriage. I'd try bringing that up and say that you will not think it will lead to anywhere and you will not have sex unless she wants to - but that you want to feel her love for you at least by kissing and cuddling. Any relationship needs intimacy, seriously. I can somewhat understand the excuse "I don't want you to get the wrong idea" because I have had that problem in the past myself of always thinking kissing/cuddling only meant the man wanted sex. However, if you assure her you will not have it lead to sex - that excuse cannot be validated no more. Don't agree to a sexless *and* cuddle-less marriage.
Author giotto Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 I'm amazed there is still love if there has been no kissing or cuddling for the last 5-6 years! Myself, I need cuddling and kissing to feel loved. In fact, I feel more loved by kissing and cuddling than sex. Perhaps it is time to ask for kisses and cuddles again - she cannot say no since you've basically just agreed to a non-sexual marriage. I'd try bringing that up and say that you will not think it will lead to anywhere and you will not have sex unless she wants to - but that you want to feel her love for you at least by kissing and cuddling. Any relationship needs intimacy, seriously. I can somewhat understand the excuse "I don't want you to get the wrong idea" because I have had that problem in the past myself of always thinking kissing/cuddling only meant the man wanted sex. However, if you assure her you will not have it lead to sex - that excuse cannot be validated no more. Don't agree to a sexless *and* cuddle-less marriage. to be honest, I'm falling out of love with my wife if I haven't fallen out of love already... I don't want cuddles and hugs if I cannot have a physical relationship with my wife... it's torture! I'm not saying I want to have sex every time she hugs me, but I cannot be physical with her in just one way... I have already told her that she can snuggle up to me in bed, if she feels like it and that it won't lead to sex, but she hasn't done it yet... after 8 days... it's up to her, really. I've been hurt too many times, so this time the ball is in her court...
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