MARINE_ONE Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 My stbxw called me yesterday and started yelling at me about issues we had in our marriage. Issues that I asked her several times to see a therapist about. She has left me. Why does she still feel the need to berate me about things. She says she won't do it anymore, but I don't know if she really will. I tried to explain to her that she needs to forgive(not forget) about issues we have so that we can move on and not argue for our kids. I also told her if she can't stop thinking and/or being upset about stuff I did then she was going to sabotage her future relationships. I am really making an effort to forgive her shortcomings in our marriage. Why won't she???
Spark1111 Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Well, by concentrating on your faults in the relationship she will feel less guilty and more justified in leaving it to be with her OM. I experienced much of the same during my H's affair; he had to vilify me so he could continue to put the halo on her head and feel less guilt about his actions. Don't help her do that by being the angry, argumentative guy (and you have every right to be) who tries to talk her out of her opinions and actions. It will just "fuel" her believing in the "rightness" of her actions. If she makes a valid point, agree with her. If she doesn't, then say something along the lines of sorry you feel that way, but that never was my intentions. MO, part of the 180, is being the best person you can be for you. I made a vow that I would conduct myself in the best way possible, always taking the high road, for my children. I don't regret it one bit.
Author MARINE_ONE Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Well, by concentrating on your faults in the relationship she will feel less guilty and more justified in leaving it to be with her OM. I experienced much of the same during my H's affair; he had to vilify me so he could continue to put the halo on her head and feel less guilt about his actions. Don't help her do that by being the angry, argumentative guy (and you have every right to be) who tries to talk her out of her opinions and actions. It will just "fuel" her believing in the "rightness" of her actions. If she makes a valid point, agree with her. If she doesn't, then say something along the lines of sorry you feel that way, but that never was my intentions. MO, part of the 180, is being the best person you can be for you. I made a vow that I would conduct myself in the best way possible, always taking the high road, for my children. I don't regret it one bit. I am doing the same thing. However, sometimes she does sucks me into an argument. It is crazy that I am finally becoming a better man in sooo many ways because of this whole thing. I am really a better father than I was before. I am with them less, but I seem to spend more quality time with them than I ever did before.
Woggle Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Because she sees you are starting to move on and women like her can't stand that. Just remain calm and change the subject every time she brings up crap. If you really want to get at her laugh when she huffs and puffs.
Blindsidedagainalive Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Although I really like REBOOT's advise, Woggle nailed it a bit. I have found changing the subject is effective at diffusing. Yes, she has to justify her actions my bringing out your shortcomings. See, this is what I have experienced. When they cheat, they up/rehash a lot of bull****. What they don't think about is that pre-affair, they too did a lot of aggravating crap as well.
reboot Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 She needs to be taught that she no longer has any rights with him that don't begin and end with their children.
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